IKEA MonkeyOh damn! I heard sirens while walking to work.
Several people, including a Chicago police officer, were injured in a collision involved a squad car, another vehicle and a bicycle in the Logan Square neighborhood Friday morning.
The crash occurred around 7:30 a.m. at Sacramento Avenue and Logan Boulevard, police said.
An officer was taken to...
IKEA MonkeyI don't care who you are, that's fucking terrifying.
On Thursday it was reported that a “Kardashian-obsessed fan” (who wasn’t me or Jezebel’s Managing Editor Kate Dries) broke into Kris Jenner’s home by posing as a crew member hired to install her Christmas decorations. Once he was through the gate, he got out of his car, walked right in the house, and straight into Kris’s office, where she presumably used witchcraft to subdue him before calling 911.
IKEA MonkeyGentlemen and women, start your hate engines
This bar features spirits that are literally not obtainable anywhere else in the city (potentially, anywhere else in the world). And there are only 8 seats. [ more › ]
IKEA MonkeyMy revenge body is covered in knives
“Looking great is always the best revenge,” says Khloe Kardashian in a statement promoting her new reality series, Revenge Body. Revenge bods.
IKEA MonkeyI've seen people make fun of these but its really a "don't knock it til you rock it" thing. It is NOT a substitute for a hot dog, its a carrot "dog". Its good! Sweet and savory and smokey.
Carrots are perfect for so many preparations, from salads to soups, but these “carrot dogs” are an unusual, tasty way to cook them. Best of all, they’re easy to make with ingredients you either have already, or can get easily.
IKEA MonkeyAlso people get bonuses, and a lot of people have to "use it or lose it" when their time off so they have time to recuperate if its a more invasive procedure.
December is known as the season of giving, a time to reflect on the past year, and the biggest month for cosmetic surgery. Plastic surgeons have reported an increase of 20 to 30 percent for procedures during this month than the rest of the year. Why would the holiday season be the most popular time for cosmetic enhancements? Perhaps it could be due to people wanting to treat themselves to bodily improvements; a brand new look for a brand new year.
IKEA Monkeylol Erin - for 2017, just in case I drive you nuts
No matter how well you know someone, traveling together will probably teach you something new about them. Maybe they get up early and have tons of energy. Maybe they’re a terrible tipper. Sometimes these things are annoyances, and sometimes they can lead to a big falling out. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. With some planning, you can make sure your travel adventure is a successful one.
IKEA MonkeyAWWW YISSSS
In a moment of rare national consensus, everyone quietly chuckled this morning when Bloomberg broke the news that Martin Shkreli, the pint-sized pharmaceuticals titan best known for inhumanely jacking up the price of a life-saving drug, has been arrested on suspicion of securities fraud.
IKEA MonkeyI tried to make macarons tonight and this was the best one I made.
Round 3: getting closer! Maybe the start of a tiny foot? More glossy, less cracked. Well some of them anyway.
IKEA MonkeyMaybe we shouldn't do that
This marks the first time the beverage has been thrown into the harbor since 1773.
IKEA MonkeyI already shared this but it just made me so happy
IKEA Monkey!!
IKEA MonkeyReal-life Perri-air!
Air for sale: an idea ripped straight from that scene in 'Spaceballs'
Read: China's Air Is Still Really Filthy
For reasons that are still not entirely clear, people love buying air. Oxygen bars are, inexplicably, still a thing. After Kanye's Yeezus tour in 2014, concert-goers started selling all manner of air souvenirs from the show, including Ziploc bags filled with "Yeezus air." Noisey editor Dan Ozzi once started an eBay bidding war for a bag labeled "Williamsburg air," which, incredibly, got as high as $20,100 before eBay shut him down.
Now, a Canadian company called Vitality Air is cashing in on fresh, clean bottled air, sourced from Canada's Rocky Mountains. The three-liter cans, which are each "hand-bottled" and look like hairspray canisters, sell for $14 and contain enough air for 80 one-second inhalations. It's not entirely clear how you're supposed to inhale the air (huff it? inhale through a respiratory mask? use it to dilute the polluted atmosphere of your home, like air freshener?), but people are buying it anyway.
In Canada, Vitality Air is considered a novelty item, but the company told CNN this week that they have seen an uptick in sales to China, where air pollution is a well-documented problem. Their first batch of 500 canisters of air made available to Chinese customers sold out in two weeks.
Bottled oxygen isn't a new concept in China, where the air is so polluted that over a million people die from it every year. Last year, a travel company shipped 20 giant bags of fresh mountain air to Zhengzhou, the capital of China's Henan province, and gave residents a chance to inhale, as part of a promotional stunt to encourage people to take vacations out of the smoggy city. And in 2013, a Chinese businessman started hawking green and orange cans of "fresh air" for 80 cents a piece—and sold 8 million cans in the first ten days.
Follow Arielle Pardes on Twitter.
IKEA MonkeywhaaAAAAT?
Ethan Couch, the teenager who killed four people and severely injured two others in a DUI crash but got off because a jury bought his lawyer’s so-called “affluenza” defense, has stunningly run afoul of the law again.
IKEA MonkeyAw that's nice. I hope someday to have that kind of scrilla.
NewsNet5 reports [warning: link has video that autoplays] that the mystery donor paid a visit to two Walmart stores in northeast Ohio this week, to celebrate his birthday and bring a little cheer to others.
In all, the man paid for $70,000 in layaway balances at one store, and $36,000 at the second.
“Christmas is a time of year when many people go above and beyond to give back to their neighbors and communities. When customers anonymously pay off others’ layaway items we’re reminded of the amazing things people will do to support each other,” Walmart said in a statement. “We’re proud to be a small part of these random acts of kindness.”
While the donor asked to remain anonymous, word of his generous gift spread quickly.
“It made me happy because I know a lot of customers walked out of the store or are coming in the store very positively impacted by it,” a store manager for one of the Walmart locations tells NewsNet5.
Customers impacted by the good deed shared their thanks with the unknown Good Samaritan.
“It’s such a blessing to know there are still people out there that care,” one woman tells NewsNet5. “It’s like Santa, like a real Santa to me.”
UPDATE: Another mystery Santa, who may be a different person from “Santa B.,” paid off $100,000 worth of layaway tabs at each of two Walmart stores in Florida.
Mystery donor pays off more than $106,000 in Walmart layaways at 2 northeast Ohio stores [NewsNet5]
IKEA MonkeyI laughed so hard at this over the weekend I had tears coming out of my eyes.
Move over, Singing Dogs. And Jingle Cats, your time in the spotlight has passed. This is the year of the goat. The internet has already shown its love for goats who make amusingly horrifying, human-like screaming noises. A Swedish charitable organization called ActionAid Sverige is now taking that love and channeling it into something actually useful. Specifically: fighting poverty. It turns out that goats, in addition to being hilarious vocalists, can also play a vital role in improving the lives of the disadvantaged. In that spirit, ActionAid Sverige has assembled a Yuletide chairty album entitled All I Want For Christmas Is A Goat. The LP, featuring caprine renditions of “Jingle Bells,” “Silent Night,” and other holiday favorites, is available at Spotify and iTunes. A subtitled introductory video spells out the album’s peculiar mission statement:
When it’s cold outside and the darkness of winter prevails, the Christmas goat invites ...
IKEA MonkeyIf anyone threatened violence or attacked a church, it would be TERRORISM!!! But attacks on 19 places of worship are apparently just a blip on the news bc they just happen to be a different faith. Wow, America.
IKEA MonkeyMissy is the best
Tuesday night’s season finale of The Voice featured a set of high-profile guest performances, but none were quite as mesmerizing as Missy Elliott, who basically staged a live version of the “WTF (Where They From)” music video.
A sort of mini-event unto itself, Elliott’s performance included familiar (but not identical) moves and clothes, children dancing, the infamous shiny, mirror-laden suit from the video and, of course, the live debut of the Missy Elliott and Pharrell puppets. (Pharrell, who was a judge this season, joined Elliott on stage as well.)
Other performances on the two-hour event included Justin Bieber, Coldplay, The Weeknd and Sam Hunt. A few artists also came on to join the show’s contestants for final-night duets, including Ricky Skaggs, who performed “Country Boy” with runner-up Emily Ann Roberts, and rotating judge Usher, who sang David Guetta’s “Without You” with season 9 winner Jordan Smith.
Here are a few highlights from the show, starting with Missy, of course:
The Weeknd singing “The Hills,” “Earned it” and “Can’t Feel My Face”:
The Voice season 9 winner Jordan Smith and Usher, singing David Guetta’s “Without You”:
The Voice season 9 runner-up Emily Ann Roberts and Ricy Skaggs, singing Skagg’s “Country Boy”:
IKEA MonkeyMOVE OVER NDT
Getty Image
Jose Canseco hasn’t done great with his 2015 predictions (still three weeks to go!) but the former MLB slugger has some new thoughts about the future, and once again they involve Mars, for some reason.
Canseco decided to take to Twitter on Thursday evening to discuss with his 506,000 followers his theory about how us human beings on planet Earth could one day live and prosper on Mars, and it sure seems like he really thought this whole thing through.
If we could get ammonia to Mars we could make an atmosphere
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) December 11, 2015
By my calculations if we nuked the polar ice caps on Mars we would make an ocean of 36 feet deep across the whole planet.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) December 11, 2015
And then it appears that redirecting Saturn's moon Triton to collide into Mars could make the planet habitable faster
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) December 11, 2015
Yes i DID think about the missing magnetic field. It is created when the Triton collision liquidates Mars outer core into molten iron.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) December 11, 2015
Move over scientists, Jose Canseco has got this all figured out. The calculations have been completed, and all takes is nuking those pesky polar ice caps and redirecting one of Saturn’s moons which I’m sure is as easy as it sounds. Canseco is even one step ahead of you as he has thought through that missing magnetic field that you were going to bring up. Who knew that the former six-time All Star also has one of the most brilliant minds of our generations. Canseco has even filed for his first patent.
Even though Canseco clearly has run numerous tests to prove his hypothesis, the folks over at Motherboard asked a couple of actual astrobiologists just to be sure.
The astrobiologist who did get back to me didn’t want to be quoted by name because it’s so insane, but told me that the idea of “moving Triton” is totally nuts—and oh, by the way, Triton is a moon of Neptune, not of Saturn. Moving a moon is not something that’s easily done, especially when the vague plan is to have the giant celestial body traverse the orbits of Uranus, Jupiter, Saturn, and the whole of the asteroid belt before ultimately having it crash into a planet.
Back to the drawing board, Canseco.
IKEA MonkeyYou and me both, CMM
In today’s Tweet Beat, Chad Michael Murray makes a political statement, Kourtney Kardashian makes no sense and Frankie Muniz practices the three second rule.
IKEA MonkeyGood?
Tatiana Duva-Rodriguez thought she was doing the right thing when she pulled out her pistol and fired at a pair of shoplifters as they fled from a Home Depot near Detroit.
She wasn't, at least in the eyes of the law.
On Wednesday, a Michigan judge sentenced Duva-Rodriguez to 18 months of probation...
IKEA MonkeyMen have opinions about everything
Today, Chicago has the dubious honor of being home to a middle-aged man with opinions about Serena Williams showing her legs. [ more › ]
IKEA Monkeywhat the eff
“Feed me a line,” failed HP CEO and presidential candidate Carly Fiorina says through gritted teeth as an army of tiny pups squirms in her lap. She is visibly uncomfortable—irate even. But she is smiling a wide-eyed, crazed smile. In a few seconds she will be eating dog food. This is Carly Fiorina’s attempt at being human.
IKEA Monkeyoh cool he's inciting a race war
IKEA MonkeyAt least she's self-aware enough to know her support is a kiss of death
IKEA MonkeyContrived, but for a good cause.
Who knew Chewbacca had a soft spot for Shih Tzus?
IKEA MonkeyYeah, that's a thing a doctor says
IKEA Monkeyhello
"Dude, where is your shirt?" a local weather reporter asked, astutely. [ 