Steve Dyer

The iPhone5 was released six days ago. Did you get one? Did you make a video about it? These are some of the people that did both of those things.


Bryan Menegus is, unfortunately, a writer and comedian. He blogs here and occasionally tweets here.

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My father always used to say that weddings are for the aunts and uncles. The couple, and their immediate families, are stressed and distracted. Friends and more distant relatives are happy to be there, but for the most part aren't emotionally invested enough in the couple to treat the day as much more than a party. But the aunts and uncles - they've known one of the partners since childhood. They've watched his or her growth and development, joys and sorrows, though always from something of a distance. And now they get to participate in the next stage in their niece or nephew's life, surrounded by their extended family. While leaving the planning and stress to others. What could be better?

Another writes:

The wedding is all about ... the mother of the bride. Full stop.

Another:

It's not just that some of those family members who attend your wedding might be unpleasant.  In planning the wedding, they will be unpleasant (and pleasant) in exactly the same ways they will be unpleasant (and pleasant) in the years to come.  The mother-in-law who doesn't like your choice in cake probably won't like what you feed your kids either; the relative who criticizes your wedding is probably going to criticize your house; the control freak mother-of-the-bride is probably going to be overly involved in your married lives, too.

That may not be a reason to have a wedding, but in a way, the planning is an opportunity for full disclosure, of both the family you're joining and quirks of the family you thought you knew.

Another:

Weddings are a celebration by the couple of their existing relationship. The couple invite friends and family to join them in this celebration, but the wedding is still for and about the couple. It is important for the couple to defend their prerogatives. When my wife and I got married, we avoided professional caterers and photographers. We conscripted an aunt to serve the punch, a sibling to direct parking, and a friend to help cut and dish out the cake. Then we proceeded through the wedding at our own pace, enjoying each moment before moving on. The only part that was scripted was when we stood in front of the judge, and it was our script.

Weddings can and should be about the couple, and they can exert themselves to ensure that it is so. But they must make sure never to cede control to relatives or professionals.

Another:

People should stop overthinking the whole wedding thing and just try to have a good party!

On that note:

As for your reader who writes that weddings are like funerals, I would answer that in the American weddings ARE funerals.  I got married in the Czech Republic to a Czech and, while the marriage was a ghastly mistake, the wedding was a blowout.  Imagine a mountain inn and pub all to yourselves; toasts and good wishes washed down with slivovice, and instead of 40 little ghettos - I mean tables - of the bride's design, all 50 guests sit together on either side of two long tables.  Those who could hang in danced till sunrise, while the innkeeper kept the liquor flowing and put out a groaning table of meat and fish from his own smoke house. Anyone who could still walk and was game joined the old-timers on a hike up a nearby mountain the morning after.

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by Michael McGrath

• Wine stopper
• Non-frozen vegetables
• Two movie tickets
• Floss
• Formal footwear
• Fast food guacamole
• Name brand medication
• Treadmill belt lube
• Datebook
• Stocks
• Bonds
• Valentines

 

Michael McGrath tweets as @marcomcgrath.

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Just because we're nearly over it in the U.S. doesn't mean "Gangnam Style" is waning in Korea -- at PSY's recent concert at Kyonggi University in Seoul, the crowd practically becomes part of the track. It's almost enough to give you chills.

Submitted by: Unknown (via Viral Viral Videos)

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fairygodblogger:

deedee this some nasty ass coffee i hate u so much but the pussy game ridiculous

I'm concerned that Romney's master strategy is literally to make us feel bad for him & that it's working on me.

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 18, 2012

Comedian Rob Delaney, Romney's "Twitter nemesis", had a serious reaction to Mitt's unplugged fundraiser comments, recognizing an unsettling similarity between his own alcoholism and the candidate's apparent duplicity:

To drink the way that I did required dishonesty. I lied about where I was going. Who I was with. Why I wasn’t coming in for work. Whether or not I was hung over. Whether I was drunk at any given moment. I lied to myself about my fitness for getting behind the wheel of a car. Individual friends, family members and acquaintances knew pieces of the picture, but never the whole picture. If they had, they’d have known I was in real trouble. So I told one thing to one audience and another to another audience. I’d recalibrate depending on where I was or who I was with. It was selfish. It was lying. So when I lay on the hospital gurney with two broken arms, looking down the barrel of a court date, jail time, surgeries without health insurance, rehab, fines and fees into the tens of thousands, and a reckoning with those who cared about me and those who didn’t, I felt RELIEF. I could tell them the truth: I’m a drunk, I’m responsible for all of this, and I don’t want to do it anymore. It felt really good, like sunlight. 

I was reminded of all of this today when a political candidate had a speech he’d meant for a small, select audience get heard by a much larger audience. It made my stomach turn. I remember that behavior well. It didn’t get me anywhere that I wanted to go.

Meet the lesula, a species of monkey whose "discovery" is being heralded around the world today.

Just to clarify: Not Photoshopped. Not Potato Jesus. Not a man in a monkey suit.

[cnn]

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: afternoon snack , lesula , monkey , monkeys , new monkey species , new species , potato jesus , squee , weird , wtf Share on Facebook

theclearlydope:

This has the ability to end wars.

alphaqueer:

Public Policy Polling polled pretty publicly, preferring poignant probes pertaining to…Ohio. They asked a question during that polling – namely, who was more responsible for Osama bin Laden’s death: Barack Obama or Mitt Romney?

Fifteen percent of Ohio Republicans said Mitt Romney.

In what some (my colleague Tim Murphy) have called “the greatest thing ever,” a full 15 percent of Ohio Republicans surveyed said Romney deserved more credit than the president. Another 47 percent said they were “unsure.”

….Well, then.

There is only one proper response to this finding, which is our announcement that we will shortly be selling “Mitt Romney: History’s Greatest Warrior” figures, which will include, among other things:

1. Mitt Romney leading his elephant army against the Roman Empire.
2. Mitt Romney singlehandedly stopping the Trail of Tears by turning it into the Trail of Hugs and Lemonade. (“Lemon. Wet. No Genocide.”)
3. Mitt Romney stabbing Adolf Hitler through the sternum with his limited edition plasma time lance. (First 500 orders only, all further orders get regular steel lance standard with all Romney figures.)

You can reserve today by sending Wonkette $99.99 plus $5.95 S & H!

[Mother Jones]

ben wyatt smells perfumes

“I want to pretend there’s such a thing as requited love. As the endurance of love.”
― Lorrie Moore, Anagrams

- The seemingly perfect Rita Wilson will be on Girls next season as the mom of the seemingly perfect Marnie.

- Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer will play a rabid Inspector Spacetime fan on Community. She will befriend Abed at a convention. Befriend? Sounds more like befallinlovewith.

- Nick Zano, who had a goatee on 2 Broke Girls last season, will appear in at least six episodes of Happy Endings next year as the dude Penny uses to get over Dave.

- Good-looking swimmer/bonehead Ryan Lochte will have a cameo on 30 Rock next season.

- Geoff Stults (aka the guy they get when Josh Duhamel is busy) will play Kate's love interest on Ben and Kate.

- Stand-up Tone Bell has joined Whitney as a series regular. He'll play a bartender at the bar Whitney and co. go to so often that its bartender is a series regular.

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justastrangeronthestreet:

I always suspected kangaroos thought they were better than me. Now I know why: Three vaginas.

This set-up is shared by all marsupials – the group of mammals that raise their young in pouches. Koalas, wombats and Tasmanian devils all share the three-vagina structure. The side ones carry sperm to the two uteruses (and males marsupials often have two-pronged penises), while the middle vagina sends the joey down to the outside world.

So they've sprouted three vaginas (GREEDY) and taught them to juggle. But before you get all jelly of marsupials, human ladies, check this out:

With its complicated reproductive set-up, a female kangaroo can be perpetually pregnant. While one joey is developing inside the pouch, another embryo is held in reserve in a uterus, waiting for its sibling to grow up and leave. Indeed, a mother kangaroo can nourish three separate youngsters at a time – an older joey that has left the pouch, a young one developing inside it, and an embryo still waiting to be born.

'Becoming a Republican kangaroo' just topped 'sticking my boobs in a woodchipper' on my list of Things to Avoid this Labor Day Weekend.

Thanks and shudders to Slog tipper Velho.

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Shakira - Whenever, Wherever 

Halloween costume idea. 

In case you missed it:

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ABCNews:

Two Indiana teenagers who left notes for their parents saying they were "sorry" and "starting new lives" have taken off in a Mercedes Benz for an unknown destination. The parents of Jordan Webb, 16, and Levi "David" Briggs, 15, are begging for their sons to return home to Avon, Ind., after they fled in the middle of the night with plans to change their identities.... Both families released statements in the wake of the boys' disappearance, though they did not elaborate on why Webb or Briggs may have decided to flee their homes and families.

"Jordan is loved and missed by his family and friends. We cannot imagine life without our son, and we will not stop looking until he's home safe, no matter how long it takes," the Webbs said.

"We pray for their safety and well-being," said the Briggs family. "We want you back, David, and want to fight side-by-side for your future. We ask for our friends' prayers and any information that will help us provide for David and Jordan's safety, well-being and safe return."

Bluefield Daily Telegraph:

Webb took backpacking supplies and enough clothes to last a long time, his family said. Briggs had little more than his clothes—a pair of designer, slim-fitting jeans; a teal, white and orange shirt; and blue-grey, suede Adidas Neo shoes, size 10 1/2. Briggs is 5-feet, 10-inches, blonde and usually wears hoop earrings. He left behind his glasses, so he is thought to be wearing contacts. He likes bodybuilding.... Webb's sister, Jennifer Hurtubise, said he's enrolled in various advanced placement classes, although going to high school in Avon "might not be his cup of tea."

The hashtag #FindJordanAndDavid is blowing up on Twitter. I hope the boys are safe and that they're found soon. And it sounds to me like these boys could be gay. If that's the case, and if David and Jordan felt unsafe in their community or rejected by their families, well, better runaways than suicides.

UPDATE: David and Jordan have been found, according to a Facebook page set up by their families:

The boys have been found! They were located in Colorado, safe and in police custody! This is Amazing news and we are so thankful for everyone that has helped! We could not have done this without the help of family/friends and social media! This is the biggest relief of our lives.

I wonder what David and Jordan are feeling right now.

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