Dan Jones

This pile of poop pillow is just too stinking cute!

Some things that I buy for my kids are actually for my kids. For instance, a talking Dora the Explorer microphone. Despite my inner “sane person” screaming “DON’T BUY THAT MICROPHONE. IT IS LOUD AND WILL KILL ME, YOUR INNER SANE PERSON, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T BUY THAT DORA THE EXPLORER MICROPHONE,” I say, “Don’t worry personification of my sanity inside my head that I talk to, which is totally normal. I may be buying this horrible, evil noise maker for our daughter, but I also buy these other things for her, that are secretly for us. And then the two of us laugh and laugh and laugh.

Goldfish Crackers

My wife thinks that our kids looooove Goldfish crackers. We go through a bag a week. When we’re at the store, she specifically reminds me to grab them and says “You know how much they LOVE Goldfish Crackers.” I play coy and pretend not to remember, then grab a bag or two… or three. What my wife doesn’t know, until she reads this, is that I have a lovely addiction to tiny baked cheese fish. I could eat an entire bag. Each little cheese fish cracker is like a taste journey for my mouth. I like the rough salt on the rounder side of the cracker. I like how I can crush the tasty hollow fish orb on the roof of my mouth. I salivate thinking about how after I finish that little guy, there is a whole bag waiting for me to eat. “Honey, the kids ate all the Goldfish Crackers. I’m running to the store. Do we need milk too?”




Disney Movies

Do you know how long an episode of Curious George is? 12 minutes. What the hell am I going to do with 12 minutes? Nothing. I can use the bathroom, and only if I don’t bring my phone in with me. That’s it. If I need to get the kitchen cleaned, or get some writing done, or do some laundry without the “why” patrol chasing me around asking questions and demanding snacks, Curious George is doing me no good at all. But you know what will? Frozen. Dumbo. The Little Mermaid. Sure, the deluxe, mondo, diamond encrusted, only coming out of a metaphorical vault that may or may not exist versions of these movies cost as much as my first semester of college, but I’ll take out a loan if it will give me 90 minutes to mow the lawn. They love them. I need them.

Summer Camp

Sometimes the 90 minutes isn’t enough. Sometimes I need 8 hours. There are a variety of summer day camps in our area that are both affordable and convenient. And yes, while I want my daughter to learn about science or subsistence farming or dance or gymnastics, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my wife and I enjoy the time we get to ourselves. “But John! If you are so eager to not have your kids around, why did you even have them?” Says someone, at some point, I imagine. “Shut up you. I don’t have to answer your questions,” I reply.

Classic Superhero Apparel

Sure. My daughter knows the Batman song. She knows it goes “Na na Na na Na na Na na Na na BATMAN!!” That is the extent of her Batman knowledge. She’s still a little young to know that Bruce Wayne’s parents were viciously murdered in front of him as a child causing irreparable emotional and psychological damage and leading him to dress up like an f’ing bat as an adult as he spreads his vigilante justice on a city that may or may not even want it. She’s not quite ready to process that yet. But that didn’t stop me from buying this.

Na na na na na na na na

Or this.

Na na na na na na na na

Or this.

BATMAN!!!

I love Batman. I love my kid. So I buy her Batman stuff. Yes, it’s more for me than for her, but Batman is awesome and I don’t care. So there. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go distract my daughter by putting Frozen on and sneak away to eat all her cheese fish crackers.

Did you enjoy this post? Come find me on the Ask Your Dad Facebook Page. I post other funny stuff there! Really. It's lots of fun. I promise. Really. 

My daughters are still young. Thankfully, this is not a problem for me...yet.



See more: New Game

Even alternate Spider-Men can’t cope with the loss.

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I’d be surprised if this was any worse than what Google already has on you.

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Dangerous ingredients in vaccines

iBed, a hands-free up-high and down-low tablet stand, notes that "When lying down for a long period of time, you not only risk dropping your tablet device, but you also suffer from pain in your arms and neck and back." And, I would add, become more susceptible to obesity, antisocial personality disorder, and Benjamin Franklin's arch nemesis, gout. (Not to be a downer or anything. Personally, I'd put up with a little gout any day if it meant I could keep drinking my Capri Suns and streaming Netflix without even sitting up in bed.)

iBed's design holds a tablet in harmony with its user's natural sleep posture. Set a tablet facedown in the open circular holster overhead, slide the stand's slim base under a pillow, and lie your head down to secure. Then adjust the height and placement of your tablet with the iBed's swivel arm. iBed can also sit on the floor next to a sofa or chair, where it will serve as a more traditional device stand.

iBed's official compatibility spans from all Apple tablets to Nexus 7 and Galaxy Note 10.1, to the Kindle 7". Smaller and larger Kindle models will also fit in the iBed with a little DIY jerry-rigging.

This is really cool. That animation is a nice touch, too.



See more: Consoles Personified

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxO8NmDPBZo)

Batman can’t back down from a challenge, even when it’s a peacock plumage battle. Who will emerge as the alpha male?

Send your cosplay pics to tips@fashionablygeek.com.

(via Reddit)

The Imperial Spherificator. Sounds like something you'd find alongside Mega Maid in Lord Dark Helmet's cache of planet-destroying weapons. But in fact, this superbly named device isn't meant for destruction or Mel Brooks parodies at all. The Imperial Spherificator is meant for your kitchen, and for turning nearly any food you throw at it into delicate and pristine little...balls.

Foodies, kids, geeks, people who love Dippin' Dots, here's your chance to own the world's only automatic caviar and pearl making device. The Imperial Spherificator is the brainchild of a small company out of Montreal that already makes a seaweed-based caviar substitute called Kelp Caviar. Having perfected the process of turning stringy ocean weeds into perfect spheres, I guess they figured they could replicate the process with just about anything. And they also figured, rightly so given that their Kickstarter campaign has well exceeded its funding goal, home chefs might like to do the same with their own ingredients.

Spherification is possible for anything from raw tomatoes to coffee to Tabasco sauce. The Imperial Spherificator itself is a handheld device that molds and pumps out tiny pearls from (ideally) raw ingredients or (acceptably) commercially available products fed into its top. Some foods will need to be diluted to reduce their acidity, and all will require the addition of seaweed extract to help solidify the balls and hold their structure. All caviar makers will include a basic recipe to get the balls rolling.

Pledge for your Imperial Spherificator on Kickstarter through August 21, 2015.

Thank you so much to the sponsor of this post, Plum Organics. They are more than a sponsor. They are a patron. Too often, brands that want to work with bloggers insist on controlling the message. Campaigns end up being a group of bloggers all essentially writing the same post. Plum's Parenting Unfiltered campaign has been different. Instead of asking me to pitch their product, they merely said that they wanted to sponsor my writing and however I could apply it to their #ParentingUnfiltered campaign. It has been a joy working with them, and I am honored to be associated with their brand. 

And, for what it is worth, we have been eating Plum Organic products in our house for the last three months, and the kids are nuts about them. You can check out their whole line of products on ther website, plumorganics.com.

Internet Explorer vs. Edge http://ift.tt/1OTWnnk

@kid_md looking for a new job? http://ift.tt/1DgTdJ2

Don’t underestimate the power of The Dark Side!

 

This is the last time Indie will ever ask Short Round to fix him up with someone.



See more: Cobra Block

Every time i leave the house
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Get ready for your next interview in serious style with Business Dog Socks. Dressed in a fashionable argyle sweater and tie, this dog has one thing on his mind: promotion.

The only problem is Cat and Bear are ambitious and will stop at nothing to keep your feet cozier than the competition.

Check out more styles after the break…

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Product Page: Dog Socks ($11.99), Cat Socks ($11.99), Bear Socks ($11.99)

Get the iStabilizer Dolly and create cinematic videos and panning shots with your smartphone! Offered as a Dude Exclusive for 34% off for a limited time!

Don't you love how anymore any jackass can take professional-quality photos and shoot cinematic masterpieces with the same device they use to call their mamas? Even tricky tricks of the trade, such as panning and tracking, are becoming more accessible with portable, relatively inexpensive equipment like the iStabilizer Dolly. This Beetlejuice sculpture on wheels from photography gear manufacturer iStabilizer pairs with most cameras capable of shooting HD video to create smooth tracking sequences on any flat surface.

No more having to incorporate an earthquake storyline into every video you shoot to account for an unsteady hand. iStabilizer Dolly screws into almost any smartphone or case up to 2.75" wide, and turns the shakes into the steady and polished. Its adjustable arm enables shooting at all angles and its quad of chunky, rugged wheels protect from tremors and bounce so that tracking remains even during filming, and audiences won't need complimentary barf bags to watch your reel of skate tricks. Unless your grand finale is biting it and ending scene gushing blood with a tib/fib jutting out of your shin.

Rough life this guy has. Timing the tides. Towing his Sveglio Volo all the way across the beach and into the water. Settling into its hammock and getting a gentle rock going just as the sun starts to set. I bet it's a Thursday night or something too. And he's completely spent from a long week of stand up paddleboarding and checking the Internet to confirm how many tens of thousands of dollars his stocks and real estate investments made that morning.

Sveglio operates out of Big Sur, California, where it makes all of its Volo hammock rockers to order according to buyer color and fabric specifications. The Italian "Volo" translates to "I fly" in English, and though this lounger is neither suspended from the ground, nor able to lift off and leave it, the smooth design and easy motion of its frame are going for a weightless sensation. Settle in and you'll feel like you're floating. The Volo is also big enough for two, so in the right company floating might even elevate to soaring.

Volo frames are made of chromium-molybdenum alloy tubes, CNC-formed and TIG-welded by Sveglio's master welder. Electrostatic powder coatings come in the buyer's choice of Stardust Silver, Architectural Bronze, Sky White, and Black. Hammocks are fashioned from a double layer of Sunbrella outdoor fabric, or an exotic indoor textile or leather upon request. Build time is 6 to 8 weeks.

Muchas danke to Bless This Stuff.

Ben Yagoda has a Lingua Franca post on an often-discussed phenomenon, “why, in American movies and TV shows set in foreign or imagined lands, the characters almost invariably speak in British accents, especially if they’re bad guys”:

The invaluable website TV Tropes dubs the custom “the Queen’s Latin” and has this explanation for its use in historical dramas:

Britain’s long history causes British accents to seem somehow “older” — they are used to suggest a sense of antiquity. This is actually inaccurate from a linguistic perspective; the modern British accents actually represent a more evolved form of English. Older English accents were closer to modern Irish and American accents.

In any case, using the Queen’s Latin makes a series or film commercially viable in the U.S. It alleviates the need for subtitles, while maintaining the appearance of historical authenticity. It’s just foreign and exotic enough. (Many British actors already Play Great Ethnics.) It’s also no doubt inspired by productions of Shakespeare‘s plays set in Ancient Rome. Remember: Romeo might have been Italian, but he’s not realistic unless he talks like a proper British toff.

(That last link mentions “the exaggerated smack of a boxing glove” and notes: “Real-life fistfights tend to be eerily silent, which obviously wouldn’t be very dramatic or exciting.” I never knew that.) And it’s not just movies and TV; Yagoda discusses a book that “is set in France and Germany during World War II, yet the author, Anthony Doerr — an American — continually uses British terms: crisps instead of potato chips, lift instead of elevator, and biscuits.” The sun may have set on the Empire, but this silly tradition shows no sign of going away.