Shared posts

11 Jan 09:29

#410 – A Research-Based View of Mindfulness & Health with Ellen Langer PhD

by shrink
Transcript Dr. Ellen Langer, Ph.D., is a social psychologist and the first female professor to gain tenure in the Psychology Department at Harvard University. She is the author of eleven books and more than two hundred research articles written for general and academic readers on mindfulness for over 35 years. Her best selling books include […]
11 Jan 07:21

#408 – The New Science of Physical Intelligence with Thalma Lobel PhD

by shrink
Thalma Lobel, Ph.D. is the author of the 2014 book Sensation: The New Science of Physical Intelligence. Dr. Lobel is an internationally recognized psychologist and a professor at the School of Psychological Science at Tel Aviv University, where she is director of the child development center. She was the chairperson of the school of psychological […]
06 Jan 11:04

Episode 035

In this, the penultimate Human Bible show, hosted by the Center for Inquiry, Dr. Price examines whether or not the Book of Revelation was based on real visions and were there two Gerasene Demoniacs or only one, vis. Mark 5:2 and Luke 8:27 versus Matthew 8:28? What exactly does the word "lord" mean? Does it imply happy submissiveness to the all-powerful, or is it just rubbing my modern independent spirit the wrong way? Finally, does 1 Timothy 2:11-15 say that women are to be saved via having babies?

This episode of The Human Bible is brought to you by Harry's shaving kits. Use promo code HUMAN for $5 off your first purchase.

08 Dec 07:07

#405 – Developing Dreamwork Skills with Clara Hill PhD

by shrink
Clara E. Hill earned her Ph.D. at Southern Illinois University in 1974. She started her career in 1974 as an Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychology, University of Maryland and is currently still there as a Professor. She has been President of the Society for Psychotherapy Research, Editor of the Journal of Counseling Psychology, […]
06 Dec 17:29

#402 – Techniques for Relieving Depression Without Medication with Bill O’Hanlon

by shrink
Transcript Bill O’Hanlon, MS, LMFT, has authored or co-authored 36 books, the latest being Out of the Blue: Six Non-Medication Ways To Relieve Depression (W.W. Norton, April 2014). He has written a book on Positive Psychology called The Therapist’s Notebook on Positive Psychology (Routledge, 2012).. His books have been translated into 16 languages: French, Spanish, […]
06 Dec 15:34

#399 – Trauma and The Body with Pat Ogdon PhD

by shrink
Transcript Pat Ogden, Ph.D. is a pioneer in somatic psychology and the Founder and Educational Director of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy® Institute, an internationally recognized school specializing in somatic–cognitive approaches for the treatment of posttraumatic stress disorder and attachment disturbances. She is co-founder of the Hakomi Institute, a clinician, consultant, international lecturer and trainer, and first […]
15 Jul 16:52

Rola ojca. O korzyściach z bycia zaangażowanym tatą

by Strefa_Psyche_SWPS

Jaroslaw Kulbat, fot.SWPS

Wyraźnie jednak widać, jak na naszych oczach zmienia się koncepcja ojcostwa. Współczesny ojciec jest stale obecny w życiu dzieci, jest cierpliwy i wyrozumiały, okazuje bez wahania miłość i troskę. Takich ojców spotykamy coraz częściej na ulicach, w parkach czy galeriach handlowych. Nowoczesny ojciec, nawet jeśli wciąż wykonuje obowiązki rodzicielskie, czyni to z radością i są one dla niego źródłem spełnienia. Osobiste korzyści wynikające z zaangażowanego ojcostwa utrzymują motywację do bycia tatą na wysokim poziomie. I tu czasem pojawia się problem, bo dla wielu ojców wychowanych w tradycyjnym modelu nie zawsze jest oczywiste, gdzie szukać radości czy okazji do rozwoju w relacjach z dziećmi. No właśnie, gdzie ich szukać? Oto kilka propozycji.

Zaangażowane ojcostwo może stać się źródłem poczucia dumy. Najbardziej oczywiste są te sytuacje, w których nasze dziecko odnosi sukcesy. Ale przecież porażka, którą dziecko odnosi w wielkim stylu, po której potrafi się podnieść i spróbować ponownie, też może być wielkim powodem do dumy. Z drugiej strony, sukces ojca w przełamywaniu stereotypowych oczekiwań innych, że mężczyzna nie potrafi zająć się dzieckiem, też może być źródłem wielkiej satysfakcji. I nierzadko wzrostu pewności siebie.

Rozwiązywanie praktycznych problemów związanych z opieką nad dzieckiem wymaga często kreatywności. Zwłaszcza dla ojców wychowanych w rodzinach, w których rola ojca miała tradycyjny charakter i którzy niekoniecznie wiedzą, co robić. Na przykład wtedy, gdy pielucha zrobi się pełna w czasie spaceru po parku.

Utrzymywanie bliskich relacji z dziećmi stanowi świetną okazję do nabrania dystansu wobec siebie. Żeby rozbawić malucha, trzeba czasem wyjść z roli prezesa czy mężczyzny, zrobić śmieszną minę albo przemówić w dziwnym języku. Nierzadko w obecności innych ludzi.

Kontakty z dziećmi mogą być wielkim wyzwaniem, gdy stajemy wspólnie z dziećmi w obliczu porażek czy kryzysów. Nie tylko podczas nauki. Również w zabawie mogą pojawić się porażki czy rozczarowania. Stawienie im czoła, przezwyciężenie negatywnych emocji jest wielkim wyzwaniem dla dziecka, a dla ojca stanowi bardzo skuteczny trening cierpliwości i opanowania.

Zaangażowane ojcostwo pozwala kształtować wymienione wyżej cechy czy tego chcemy czy nie. I w tym sensie odmienia mężczyznę. Na dobre i na zawsze.

źródło: strefapsyche.swps.pl

15 Jul 16:42

Audycja o zdradach i psychoterapii

by pp

Tym razem zapraszamy do wysłuchania audycji radiowej, podczas której goszcząc w programie Patrycji Wanat z TOK FM opowiadamy o psychoterapii par i o zdradach w związku.

The post Audycja o zdradach i psychoterapii appeared first on Psychologia Par.

15 Jul 15:53

High Blood Sugar Levels Linked to Brain Decay

by Jeremy Dean
15 Jul 07:44

How to Beat Panic Attacks: 3 Simple Mindfulness Techniques

by Krista Lester

Pause

“By living deeply in the present moment we can understand the past better and we can prepare for a better future.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

When I was in high school, a hit-and-run car accident changed my world. My boyfriend at the time lost his nineteen-year-old brother to the accident. I had never met his brother, but it didn’t matter; a dark veil had been cast over my life.

In the days, weeks, months, and years following the accident, I sank into a deeper and deeper depression. I started to have panic attacks and I cut myself daily, trying to feel anything other than terror and despair. I sought treatment, met with therapists, tried dozens of medications, and routinely turned back to alcohol when nothing worked.

Before long, I fell in love with a man who was also deeply depressed. Six months after our marriage, I found him collapsed on our living room floor after trying to kill himself by overdosing on his medication. I called the authorities, supported him through the ensuing hospital stay, and turned right back to my unhealthy methods of dealing with the pain.

For years, I muddled through the darkness, thinking I was destined to lead a miserable existence. Over and over, I told myself life would have been so much better if that hit-and-run accident had never occurred. I was convinced it was the one pivotal factor that had destroyed my life.

Eventually, the stress of living this way caught up with me. In addition to the depression and anxiety, I began to have migraines, uncontrollable nosebleeds, and excruciating muscle pain. I went to doctor after doctor and at one point was taking seven prescription medications every day, with no relief in sight.

Finally, it was clear I needed to take a different course of action. I decided to look into meditation. Before long, I had accumulated three meditation methods to try.

The first method was a simple practice of closing my eyes and counting each breath. I tried this until it became evident that I could never get past the number one before my brain started reliving events from my past. Closing my eyes, it seemed, took me too far away from the present moment.

Instead of closing my eyes, I had more success keeping my eyes open and silently but consciously acknowledging my surroundings. Whether I was at home, on the train, or walking down the street, I could practice mindfulness by saying, “Hello, carpet,” or “Hello, tree,” and I was immediately grounded into the present.

Perhaps it seems strange to greet inanimate objects, but it helped me maintain a more immediate experience of the present moment, so I went with it.

After that, I tried body scan meditation, or moment-to-moment awareness of sensations within the body. Taking some time to recognize sensations as they occurred turned out to be a great help in training my mind to accept and acknowledge discomfort until it passed. Seeing that discomfort was a passing experience was a life-changing realization all on its own.

Throughout my meditation experiments, I continued to have trouble staying present for more than a few seconds at a time, but I could see it was beginning to have some benefits.

When I returned to counting breaths, I began to reach two or three or sometimes even ten. With growing faith that mindfulness meditation was having a positive effect on my life, I kept meditating until finally one day my meditation was interrupted by the sound of an ambulance siren.

As I listened to the siren, I felt a panic attack coming on. The siren made me think back to the day of the hit-and-run accident, and when I finally let go of that thought, I thought back to the day of my husband’s suicide attempt.

I braced myself against the panic attack and desperately tried to remember a mindfulness technique I could employ in that moment.

During a panic attack, bodily sensations are extreme, so it made sense to me to try and focus on body awareness and how I was relating to my surroundings.

Despite the inner voice that kept telling me I was going to die, I resolved to experience this panic attack mindfully, from beginning to end. I turned my attention to my breathing and faced that panic attack like it was an ocean wave I was going to allow to wash over me.

While every muscle in my body began to tighten, I consciously tried to let go of the tension and simply notice what was happening in my body, without judgment or blame.

Almost instantly, I experienced a massive muscle spasm that made my entire body lurch. Awareness of my surroundings became a feeling that I was falling through the floor, and I worried this really was the panic attack that would kill me.

But then, the panic, the terror, and all that muscle tension passed through my body in what I can only describe as an enormous wave of energy.

I felt that wave pass from the top of my head through every last finger and toe, and just as suddenly as it had begun, the panic was gone. As I returned to my breathing, I listened again to the siren and, for the first time, I heard a siren that had nothing to do with me or my past. I heard a siren that was a siren and nothing more.

In the five years since this experience, I haven’t had a single panic attack. In my case, panic was an extreme expression of resistance to thoughts and memories I didn’t want to experience. When I learned to stop resisting, I learned to beat panic.

I can’t guarantee that anyone else’s experience will be the same, but perhaps I can share some suggestions based on what worked for me. If you are one of the millions of people in the world who suffer from panic attacks, here are a few methods you can try the next time you feel one approaching.

Counting Breaths

Notice your breathing. Is it rapid and shallow? Is it becoming shallower the more you panic? Take a moment to close your eyes and turn your attention to counting breaths.

If you find you are counting very quickly, see if you can focus on just one or two long inhalations and exhalations. Don’t worry if you can’t get past one or two. If you notice your mind has strayed from counting, congratulations! You have experienced a moment of mindfulness under extremely challenging conditions.

Acknowledging Surroundings

If, like me, you find that closing your eyes makes you panic more, open your eyes and start acknowledging your surroundings. Say hello to your hands, your feet, the ground, the ceiling, a chair, a tree, or anything at all you spot around you. If you feel like this is ridiculous, it is! Allow yourself to chuckle and have a sense of humor about it.

Body Awareness

Turn your attention to what you are feeling in each part if your body. Are your muscles tightening? Can you feel your fingers and toes? What happens if you try to wiggle them? Does the sensation change as you continue to breathe in long inhalations and exhalations? Whatever you are feeling, try to let it happen without resistance.

What I learned from my experience was a lesson I will not soon forget: I only found my inner strength when I stopped trying to fight.

Panic gains momentum from the energy we put into fighting it, and the fact is, we don’t always need to fight it. Life happens to you and me as it happens to all people, whether we are ready for it or not, and all we really need to do is be open to experiencing it one moment at a time.

Photo by Chico Ferreira

Avatar of Krista Lester

About Krista Lester

Krista Lester is creator of the @BunnyBuddhism Twitter feed and author of Bunny Buddhism: Hopping Along the Path to Enlightenment. She is a writer, teacher, meditation practitioner and yoga enthusiast, who shares her story in hopes that it may help others who suffer. To buy the book or keep up with her latest news, visit http://BunnyBuddhism.com.

The post How to Beat Panic Attacks: 3 Simple Mindfulness Techniques appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

15 Jul 07:35

You Are More Than Your Past and Your Pain

by Kelly Joyce

Let Go

“We are like the little branch that quivers during a storm, doubting our strength and forgetting we are the tree—deeply rooted to withstand all life’s upheavals.” ~Dodinsky

I began struggling with anorexia and bulimia in high school, a development that, in part, stemmed from sexual abuse.

I internalized my struggles and made them a part of me, leaving me with feelings of shame, guilt, unworthiness, and despair. I had completely lost connection with my authentic self and instead, took on the roles of “ruined,” “broken,” and “worthless.”

If you had asked me who I was three years ago, I would be stumped. I would get as far as my name and follow it with “I have an eating disorder.” Even after my recovery, my eating disorder was still a big part of my identity.

I became the protagonist, but my “self” was more about the plot than actual character development. I allowed myself to be defined by external events and situations instead of unveiling my raw authenticity, values, and assets.

My true self was masked by what had happened to me. Somewhere within the storms of my life, I lost myself and adopted a lesser, superficial version of Kelly.

I felt fragile and unsteady, walking on eggshells and avoiding anyone or anything that may elicit a potential hurt or disappointment.

I began numbing myself from unpleasant feelings, and consequently, the pleasant feelings as well. I felt empty inside and weighed down with memories of my past. My life was robotic, predictable, and lacked both meaning and direction.

The thoughts I had adopted about myself became my truth. I believed, wholeheartedly, that I was nothing more than my eating disorder, my trauma, and my circumstances.

It’s easy to take pain, disappointment, and unfavorable life events and internalize them. We struggle with these unpleasant experiences and let them weigh us down when we fail to separate ourselves from them.

By making our past hurts a part of our being, we carry with us unbearable emotional baggage and become overwhelmed by grief, resentment, and anguish.

It is vital, then, to find separation between who we are and what has happened to us.

The best analogy I have come up with to visualize this separation is to view myself as a tree. After struggling for years with pain from my past, I began looking deeper into my being, digging up the roots of what really lies within.

The rain and wind of life’s troubles seemed to uproot me and bend my branches to the point of breaking, and the aftermath of these emotional storms left me feeling scattered, weak, and exhausted.

I found an everlasting steadiness when I began viewing my true self as the trunk of the tree—the unshakable core.

Within this strong and centered point lied my authenticity—my heart, my values, and the myriad of quirks that made me, me. This part of me is protected with layers of bark, which the storms can no longer penetrate.

Instead, the rains of my pain, disappointment, and unfavorable life events became external, rapidly beading off and nourishing my roots, no longer making me feel shaken, but nurturing me for growth.

This is not where the pain ends; this is where it begins. We are shaped by our experiences, not defined by them. They are, in a way, part of us.

Some of these reminders say with us longer than others. They are the leaves that cover our branches. Some fall as winter comes, and time kisses our wounds; and yet others stay with us through the seasons.

They are each unique and beautiful in their own way, shielding us like an umbrella of strength, protecting us from internalizing similar hurts in the future.

Whether bare or full, a tree is a tree. Whether hurt or healing, the external experiences of life cannot change the constant steadiness that is our core—our heart, our unshakeable sense of self.

Who you are is not what has happened to you. The lost are never really lost; even after years of struggling with anorexia and bulimia, and losing myself to my experiences, something still existed deep within, waiting to be found again: the true Kelly.

I encourage you to dig deep, to penetrate the soil, and follow the roots to your heart. There you will find the eternal essence that is you.

Photo by Darla دارلا Hueske

Avatar of Kelly Joyce

About Kelly Joyce

Yogi. Writer. Photographer. Optimist. Recovered from anorexia and bulimia and helping others to do the same. Finding a balance in life and learning to live whole-heartedly. Embracing change and accepting that whatever will be, will be.

The post You Are More Than Your Past and Your Pain appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

13 Jul 18:54

Episode 204 - The practice of personal integrity

13 Jul 18:25

The Progressive Parent with Antony Sammeroff

Antony Sammeroff is back, and this time we focus on parenting.  We discuss the importance of being authentic and cultivating good will.  I relate some of my personal experiences parenting, and Antony shares several of his experiences with children as well.  There were definitely some touching moments in the conversation.  If you think you’ll enjoy this discussion half as much as I did then you won’t want to miss it!

 

Find more from Antony here: 

 

https://www.youtube.com/TheProgressiveParent

 

https://www.youtube.com/EnrichYourLife1

 

http://enrichyourlife.co/

 

enrichyourlife@outlook.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Choice Conversations is now on Facebook.  Stop in, say hi, discuss the shows, and more!  If you like Choice Conversations then "like" me on facebook, get notifications, and then share the page with your friends:  https://www.facebook.com/ChoiceConversationsPodcast

 

Help the Podcast!  I would greatly appreciate it if you went to itunes, wrote a quick review and rated the show.  This is a great way to increase downloads and to help the show grow.  The more downloads, the more easily I can book high profile guests:  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/choice-conversations/id315666764?mt=2

 

 

 

Bumper music:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJJ27NxYamY

13 Jul 18:25

The Perfect Health Diet with Paul Jaminet

Paul Jaminet joins me to discuss his book and blog, The Perfect Health Diet. Paul delivers some great news: the perfect diet for health is also the most delicious diet!  Learn how to lengthen your lifespan while pleasing your palate.  No compromises here!

 

We cover a great deal of ground, going beyond just diet.  What are the benefits of intermittent fasting and how best to do it?  Likewise, what are the benefits of improving your circadian rhythms and how best to do it?  What are the best supplemental foods?  How do short and medium chain fatty acids help with longevity?  Is your strategy for getting probiotics into your diet effective?  Find all of this within, plus the answers to several listener questions!

 

Find more from Paul here:  http://perfecthealthdiet.com/

 

 

 

Read his book:  http://perfecthealthdiet.com/buy-our-book/

 

Attend a seminar:  http://perfecthealthdiet.com/perfect-health-seminar/

 

Cures for constipation:  http://perfecthealthdiet.com/2011/04/causes-and-cures-for-constipation/

 

Free software for improving your circadian rhythms:  http://download.cnet.com/f-lux/3000-2094_4-75447318.html  

 

 

 

Choice Conversations is now on Facebook.  Stop in, say hi, discuss the shows, and more!  If you like Choice Conversations then "like" me on facebook, get notifications, and then share the page with your friends:  https://www.facebook.com/ChoiceConversationsPodcast

 

 

 

Help the Podcast!  I would greatly appreciate it if you went to itunes, wrote a quick review and rated the show.  This is a great way to increase downloads and to help the show grow.  The more downloads, the more easily I can book high profile guests:  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/choice-conversations/id315666764 

 

 

 

 

 

Bumper music:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_jrvqMOxsY

14 Jun 21:51

7 Nighttime Rituals to Help You Unwind, Relax, and Chill Out (That Don’t Involve Alcohol)

by Mark Sisson

night3Last week, I shared my evolving relationship with alcohol. I’m off it, basically. A big change has been at night; a glass or two of wine with Carrie used to be my nighttime ritual. It would help me unwind from a stressful day, relax and reconnect with my wife, and get me ready for bed. So when I decided to give up alcohol – or at least make it an occasional rather than regular indulgence – I knew I had to figure out another way to unwind before bed. I haven’t really settled on anything yet. I’ve only explored some of the research on nighttime unwinding and thought I’d share my findings with you.

I’m not going to include routine, everyday advice like “Read a book” or “Have sex” or “Listen to calming music,” despite their effectiveness. You already know about them so it would just be redundant (but do them nonetheless!).

Even though I just discussed the importance of breaking up a routine before it becomes a rut, routines are excellent tools for establishing habits and ingraining positive conditioning. If you do the same thing before bed to unwind and prepare for sleep, your body will associate that thing with unwinding and sleepiness. That’s not a rut. That’s a win.

Let’s get to the rituals.

Sit around a fire.

The best part of camping is always the campfire at the end of the night. You’re there under the stars, usually with loved ones, close friends, and just enough soft light to see their faces. You pass around stories and laughs until that comfortable silence settles in. And you just stare into the flames. For hundreds of thousands of years, humans (and even the ancestral hominids that also controlled fire) capped off the night by staring into the very same fire you have today. As time has gone on, the radio, the TV, smartphones, tablets, and laptops have replaced fire as the glowing source of energy we stare into at night, but wild unadulterated fire still works best. Plus, firelight is naturally low in circadian-disrupting blue light.

Use the fireplace, build a fire pit out back, light a bunch of candles – just make it a point to look at fire.

Smell something nice.

However fraught with controversy and potentially confounded by placebo effects, aromatherapy has been used for thousands of years to reduce stress and promote relaxation. And modern clinical evidence suggests that the scent of certain essential oils can reduce stress. Take lavender, which increases parasympathetic activity and improves sleep in insomniacslowers nighttime blood pressure and improves self-reported sleep in hospital patients, and reduces anxiety and improves sleep in intensive care patients. Even if it is placebo, does it really matter? The whole point of a bedtime ritual is to plug into the power of placebo to “trick” your body into getting ready for sleep.

Lavender looks to be the essential oil with the most efficacy. Something like this works well.

Give a massage.

Receiving a massage is a fantastic stress-reliever, and it would be ideal if everyone, everywhere, received nightly massages. I’d imagine c-reactive protein levels would drop and sleep quality would universally improve. It could be the single most revolutionary health measure ever taken. Unfortunately, getting a massage means paying for one or convincing your significant other or friend to give you one. Some of you may be lucky enough to be in a position where that’s possible, but most are not. But what if you gave a massage to someone at night? What if you offered it up on a regular basis? No one’s going to turn you down, and research suggests that people who give massages receive multiple benefits. For one, you’ll feel less anxious. Two, a good massage artist (even an eager amateur) treats their work like a meditation; you must be mindful of what you’re doing as you’re doing it and pay close attention to the interplay between your hands and their skin, fascia, and musculature. Three, giving a massage to someone makes that person far more likely to return the favor.

This is an easy one – just offer a massage to someone you’re willing to touch. They very rarely decline. You could take some lessons or find an online massage guide, but simply exploring their body while taking care to pay attention to the feel of their tissues is a good enough start.

Tell stories.

The human tongue and vocal cord aren’t only good for basic communication about mundane topics relevant to immediate survival. Humans are born storytellers. No, we don’t all have the ability to paint verbal pictures or keep a crowd of thousands enthralled, but we can relay simple narratives. We can read out loud. We can build stories with a partner by trading off, one line at a time. Even the humdrum daily “how was your day?” chat we all have with our roommates and loved ones is a form of storytelling, so that will work, too. Storytelling or reading books to your children before bed results in improved sleep duration and better cognitive development, and I’m convinced those benefits are maintained in adults who hear and tell stories at night. Whether you’re telling or hearing the story, you’re in another place – far from the daily stressors that make unwinding so difficult and so necessary.

If you don’t have any good stories handy, start by just telling someone about your day. And if you don’t have anyone to discuss your day with, keep a journal or write it down. It’s being in “storytelling mode” that probably matters, whatever the medium you use to tell it or hear it.

Prepare tea.

Historically, tea preparation is highly ceremonial. I would recommend against a 4-hour Japanese chaji if you’re trying to get to bed at a reasonable time, but you can certainly come up with your own condensed tea ceremony. Or if formality doesn’t interest you, at least pay attention to the details as you brew it: the steam’s hiss, the sizzle of the water against the pot, the initial rinsing of the tea, the first sip, the “aaaaah.” This will become a routine or a series of sensations that can help signal bedtime to your body (provided you avoid caffeinated teas, of course). And that’s not even getting into the potential psychoactive effects of various teas, many of which can induce relaxation and sleepiness while reducing anxiety and stress.

I wrote about several such teas in a series of two posts (here and here). Go check them out, order some of the teas, and give the nighttime tea ritual a shot.

Practice your breathing.

If you recall from yesterday’s Dear Mark on the acid/base balance, the primary way we expel excess acids is through the ventilation pathway. By inhaling oxygen and by exhaling carbon dioxide, we maintain homeostasis. But breathing also impacts our anxiety levels. Short rapid breaths both increase and indicate anxiety and stress, while calm, slow, deep breaths that incorporate the diaphragm – not just the chest – are soothing. They trigger the parasympathetic response that reduces stress and anxiety.

Instead of chest breathing, try breathing through your chest and belly. Focus on expanding your ribcage and settling into the breath. Relax your abs and don’t suck in your stomach. Take it slowly – this isn’t a race – and breathe deeply. Try to inhale and exhale smoothly, free of judders. As you may discover, breath practice often turns into a sort of meditation. That’s totally fine.

Move around.

For some, it’ll be a quick sprint out in the street or some Tabata intervals on the exercise bike. Others will relax by hitting a deadlift PR, calm and smooth and zen-like. It all depends on how you respond to the movement. Personally, heavy lifting gets me amped. Anything intense, actually – sprints, metabolic conditioning, Ultimate Frisbee – will energize and prevent me from sleep anytime soon. And going for a walk or hike just before bed makes my mind go. If I do that, I’ll typically stay up writing or thinking about the grand new idea I happened upon. Believe it or not, what I like to do these days before bed is a bit of yoga. What kind? Who knows. I cycle through a few random poses that Carrie’s showed me and they seem to work. I don’t think the specific pose itself is as important as just doing a few, if that makes sense. According to the research, yoga certainly reduces anxiety (more than walking) and improves quality of sleep, probably by increasing GABA levels.

Most people will unwind more effectively using “gentler” movements like stretching or yoga. But a few of you will probably benefit from more intense exercise, especially if you’re coming off a particularly grueling day and you just need to blow off some steam. Try different ones out to see what fits and stick to it once you’ve settled. Remember, it’s all about the routine.

That’s what I’ve got, folks. How about you guys? What routines, habits, or rituals do you use to unwind at night?

14 Jun 21:50

How Cynical Personality Traits Affect Dementia Risk

by Jeremy Dean
14 Jun 21:45

Overcoming the Painful Desires and Beliefs That Feed Addiction

by Steven Slate

Feeling Down

“Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them.” ~Byron Katie

I had spent five horrible years in and out of rehabs and support groups for my substance use problems. Along the way, there were a few periods where I cleaned up for six months, eight months, and almost a whole year one time, but nothing seemed to stick.

The worst part was that even with all of the painful effort it took to keep the drug and alcohol use going, and all of the painful consequences that were piling up. I was happier in that life than I was during the sober trouble free times.

I believed that getting high and drunk was really great, and I believed that sober life was complete drudgery. These beliefs played themselves out quite predictably.

I felt tortured and deprived when I was sober. I would trudge to work, then I would trudge home, and hope that I could fall asleep quickly to end the misery until the morning.

Then I would wake up and do it all over again. I lived with a painful desire to get high and drunk the whole time.

I thought about it when I got up in the morning. I thought about it while I worked. I thought about it when I met with my counselors and therapists. I thought about it before, after, and during the support group meetings that were supposed to help me to resist the desire to get high and drunk.

I was hanging on by a thread—resisting my desire to get high and drunk one day at a time. Eventually, resisting would become too painful, too unfulfilling, and too unsatisfactory to maintain any longer.

I was resisting this desire so that I could stop bad things from happening in my life. But then I just ended up lacking bad things. I didn’t have any good things going on.

When I was abstinent, I didn’t have the thing I believed I needed to be happy and comfortable: heavy drug and alcohol use.

I took it for granted that I would always have a painful overpowering desire for heavy drug and alcohol use. I could fight it, or give in. I repeatedly gave up the fight and gave in to the desire.

But then I found a new approach. After years of being taught how to fight the desire, and years of failure, I found a way to change my desire.

I learned to accept my substance use habits as a simple pursuit of happiness activity (rather than as a compulsion). I learned that I was desiring it and doing it because I believed it was my best shot at feeling good. I learned that I could re-examine that belief once I acknowledged and accepted it.

I know this might be scary to people who’ve been taught that such habits have nothing to do with choice, but think about it—everything you do is because you believe you’ll benefit from it in some way.

In some cases, the benefits are small, like when smoking a cigarette, which is an extremely mild stimulant that may provide a good feeling for a few seconds or minutes. In other cases, the benefits can be big, like when going to college, which can result in more employment opportunities and job security that lasts a lifetime.

Everything we do is driven by our belief that it will bring us closer to some sort of happiness or benefit.

Now, getting back to my substance use habit—I had to take responsibility for my beliefs about drugs and alcohol.

I believed that drugs and alcohol were cure-alls, and that I needed them:

  • For the traumatic pain left over from my childhood
  • For my social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and depression
  • To have a good time at all in any way
  • To feel normal
  • To wake up in the morning
  • To go to bed at night
  • To be creative
  • To clear my mind

That’s a crazy list of powers I believed that drugs and alcohol had. Several of them are contradictory; yet, these beliefs are not uncommon at all.

Every time I hear someone express that they’re struggling to stay sober, such beliefs are involved. In fact, I saw someone complain about struggling to stay sober on Facebook recently, and she said:

“I hate that I can’t have a drink because I know it’ll quiet my mind and I’d relax.”

This is what creates desire. If you believe you need something to be happy, then you will desire it.

Unfortunately, our culture has done a great job of convincing us that drugs and alcohol have amazing powers to cure all of our ills. They have also done a great job convincing some of us that we need to “self-medicate” with these substances too.

The thing is, drugs and alcohol don’t medicate anything. But as long as you believe they are your medicine, you will feel deprived and suffer when you don’t have this medicine. The sooner you stop believing that they are medicine, the sooner this desire will go away.

The fact is, most of the emotional and behavioral experiences people have while using drugs and alcohol are subjectively created. They’re mostly an effect of expectancy. As a noted addiction researcher observed:

“Sometimes alcohol may be a relaxant (the martini after the hard day at the office) and sometimes it may act as a stimulant (the first drink at the party).” ~Norman Zinberg, Drug, Set, and Setting, 1986

Isn’t that a bit unbelievable? It’s a total contradiction and thus literally impossible. Stimulants and relaxants are total opposites. Yet, you probably know from your own experience or watching others that people can have both of these effects while drinking.

The key is to realize that these effects don’t come from the alcohol itself. They come from you.

The fact is that you don’t, in reality, need alcohol to relax, and you don’t need it to get wild at a party, because alcohol itself does neither of those things. If you want to relax, you can do it, with or without alcohol. Same goes for getting wild at a party.

And the same goes for the plethora of things we think drugs and alcohol do.

The reason for this is that you are actually cognitively creating these states with your intentions. You expect to have these experiences when you drink or drug, and that expectancy itself creates the experience.

There are plenty of other ways to intentionally put yourself into a relaxed state or any of the other states we believe are caused by substance use. The self-help world offers plenty of good advice on how to do this through mindfulness and other techniques. This website is a great resource for that.

I encourage readers to seek out such techniques if you feel you need them. However, before you do so, the best thing you can do is rid your mind of the belief that substance use is a cure-all. It is not.

If you haven’t broken these beliefs first, then in that moment that a new coping skill you learn doesn’t work so well for you (or you just don’t feel like using it—we’ve all been there!), you might feel tempted to return to substance use to deal with the problem.

If you have broken these beliefs, then you won’t feel tempted to use substances to cope. In this case, when a coping skill doesn’t work out, you’ll rightly look for a different coping method, rather than back to drugs and alcohol.

Stop giving drugs and alcohol credit for things that they don’t really do. Be mindful of these beliefs, and have the courage to change them. Once you do, you’ll find that you have much less of desire to use substances.

By severing the connection between stress and substance use, you can permanently end the phenomenon of feeling triggered to use substances when you encounter stress.

The same goes for severing the connection between substances and any of the other false benefits we’ve been taught to attribute to them. Then it’s up to you to decide how to deal with these life problems, but it will be much easier to solve them without the specter of a “relapse” hanging over your head.

I embraced the responsibility I had for my beliefs about substance use, and I examined them. I changed them. I ended up believing that drugs and alcohol didn’t have much to offer me anymore, and I believed I could be happier dedicating my time elsewhere.

Changing my beliefs was my choice. No one else could do it for me. Methadone couldn’t do it for me. Meetings couldn’t do it for me. Even the people who showed me these ideas couldn’t do it for me.

It was up to me to consciously question what I believed about the objects of my addiction, and how happy they could truly make me.

As a result of changing my beliefs, I haven’t had an issue with drugs and alcohol for twelve wonderful years now. I don’t feel deprived. I enjoy a drink now and then, without feeling desperation or loss-of-control.

When the normal troubles, hard times, and disappointments of life come along, I no longer feel like I need a drink or drug to deal with them, because I no longer believe they’ll help with the situation. When I’m bored, I no longer feel like I need substances to be entertained.

I now get to live my life feeling free of addiction, and it’s wonderful.

Photo by Kreg Steppe

Avatar of Steven Slate

About Steven Slate

Steven Slate is the Director of the Saint Jude Program in NYC. Saint Jude Retreats is an alternative to traditional alcohol and drug treatment with curriculum based on cognitive behavioral education methods for permanent and positive neuroplastic self-change that will foster productive behavioral patterns and improve choice making, for achieving personal goals and envisioned future.

The post Overcoming the Painful Desires and Beliefs That Feed Addiction appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

14 Jun 21:34

Mental Health Problems Can Shorten Life More Than Heavy Smoking

by Jeremy Dean
A serious mental health problem can reduce life expectancy by 10 to 20 years, according to a new analysis by psychiatrists.


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→ A new PSYCHOMETRIC TEST on WHAT BEAUTY MEANS TO YOU is at http://CitiesBeautiful.org


04 Jun 09:57

Here’s Why Believing People Can Change Is So Important in Life

by Jeremy Dean
04 Jun 09:52

How To Get a Narcissist to Feel Empathy

by Jeremy Dean
04 Jun 01:16

Episode 202 - The practice of self-assertiveness

04 Jun 01:16

Episode 201 - The practice of self-responsibility

03 Jun 11:47

BSP 109 Avoiding "Neuromania"

by docartemis@gmail.com (Dr. Ginger Campbell)

For the last 7+ years the Brain Science Podcast has been exploring how neuroscience is unraveling the mystery of how our brains make us human. Episode 109 was inspired by several recent books that explore the hazards of thinking that neuroscience is the ONLY path to understanding.

Complete show notes and episode transcripts are available at http://brainsciencepodcast.com.

If you use the Brain Science Mobile App be sure to check the episode extras for free Premium content.

01 Jun 19:05

BSP 108 Consciousness as Social Perception

by docartemis@gmail.com (Dr. Ginger Campbell)

In his new book "Consciousness and the Social Brain" neuroscientist Michael Graziano proposes that the same circuitry our brain uses to attribute awareness to others is used to create our own sense of awareness. Episode 108 is an interview with Dr. Graziano about this novel approach to the mystery of consciousness.

For detailed show notes and episode transcripts please visit http://brainsciencepodcast.com.

Send your feedback to brainsciencepodcast@gmail.com.

If you use the Brain Science Mobile App be sure to check the episode extras for free Premium content.

31 May 12:16

Episode 200 - The practice of self-acceptance

27 May 18:05

Eat by Choice, Not by Habit with Sylvia Haskvitz

Sylvia Haskvitz, author of Eat by Choice, Not by Habit, joins me for a discussion.  Being both a registered dietitian and a certified NVC trainer, Sylvia offers a rare opportunity to talk about improving nutrition and communication at the same time.  We discuss the importance of the language we use when talking to ourselves about food, and how self-awareness is key.  Why are we eating?  Are we hungry, are we filling a nutritional need, or is this a copying mechanism for something deeper?  Sylvia has a great saying: “Face your stuff or stuff your face!”

 

The conversation provides strategies for getting started down a healthier path, working with children, and even how to find nutritious alternatives for dessert! 

 

Find more from Sylvia here:  http://www.eatbychoice.net/

 

Choice Conversations is now on Facebook.  Stop in, say hi, discuss the shows, and more!  If you like Choice Conversations then "like" me on facebook, get notifications, and then share the page with your friends:  https://www.facebook.com/ChoiceConversationsPodcast

 

Help the Podcast!  I would greatly appreciate it if you went to itunes, wrote a quick review and rated the show.  This is a great way to increase downloads and to help the show grow.  The more downloads, the more easily I can book high profile guests:  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/choice-conversations/id315666764

 

 

 

Bumper music:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOI6H2UT5FM

17 May 12:54

Effects of Childhood Bullying Last at Least 40 Years

by Jeremy Dean
04 May 11:57

(1021+5). Na pniu

by dc_hexe@NOSPAM.gazeta.pl

We wtorek Ekwadorczyk podzielił się swoim doświadczeniem, o tym, że przyjazd do Warszawy nigdy nie byłby możliwy, gdyby nie stypendium, o które poprosił. Swą opowieścią zatrzymał moje wnętrze i uświadomił mi tym samym, jak wielką sztuką jest umiejętność proszenia. Nie jest słabością, jak wielu myśli, jest przejawem rangi psychologicznej i/lub duchowej.

Gdy podzieliłam się swoim zatrzymaniem i uznaniem z Bliźniaczą Liczbą, Ta sprzedała mi hiszpańskie powiedzenie, które kupiłam na pniu.

*

 Nie mam.
 Nie mam szans mieć.
 Nie mam możliwości.
 Nie mam zasobów.

„ Nie ” . Już to [rozwiązanie] mam [w palecie mi dostępnych] .

 Mam marzenie.
 Mam wiarę.
 Mam odwagę, by szukać.
 Mam odwagę, by poprosić.

„ Nie ”. — Już to mam [bez proszenia] .
 Więc, proszę [o inne rozwiązania].

 I... dostaję.
 Zadziwiające, że zawsze dostaję więcej.

*

Mój pierwszy w życiu WorldWork skończył się dziś. We mnie wciąż trwa, trawi się i pracuje. To dla mnie ogromny przywilej.

29 Apr 12:48

(1019+3). Miłość wiecznie żywa

by dc_hexe@NOSPAM.gazeta.pl

To nie tylko twoja czy moja decyzja. To nie tylko nasza decyzja. Jesteśmy pod wpływem czegoś większego. Pola, które, niczym pole magnetyczne, zwraca nas ku sobie lub przeciwko. Możemy się rozstać, możemy odejść, ale pole pozostaje. Miłość trwa.

Po polsku. Przefiltrowane przeze mnie. Rezonujące we mnie wciąż. Tak właśnie brzmią słowa Arniego z warsztatu, który skończył się w piątek.

Ogromnie wdzięczna jestem za nie i za to, że już wiem, dlaczego czasem łapię się na najczystszej formie miłości, która nie wiedzieć czemu, przeze mnie przepływa i mknie ku osobom, które w mym życiu minione, odległe dziś tak bardzo. Nie wiedziałam do tej pory, dlaczego tak się działo. Teraz już rozumiem, że bezwiednie właziłam na chwilę w pole relacji minionych, odległych. W te różne pola teraz mogę wchodzić świadomie.

*

There were troubles, but we tried. It means:
there’s still love, but we won’t talk about it. [...]
Sometimes we are dedicated to love someone,
but not to live with them.

Arnold Mindell


*

Amy & Arny Mindell, Warszawa 2014
(fot. Eva Kamila)

29 Apr 10:46

1010. Podwójne szczęście mając

by dc_hexe@NOSPAM.gazeta.pl

__________________________ [ prywatnie]
Szczęściem jest,
            myślałam do dziś,
kochać i być kochaną.

__________________________ [ zawodowo]
Szczęściem jest,
            myślę od dziś,
spotkać ludzi, którzy zobaczą tkwiący w nas potencjał.