You knew this was coming, right?
Citing the newly-established precedent of corporate-religious exemption, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled Tuesday in favor of JCPenney, upholding the company's right to sacrifice pure-hearted employees in order to assuage the Dread Lord Cthulhu, Bringer of Madness.
The Penney estate, devout cultists and owners of the multibillion-dollar chain of mid-range department stores, joined by CEO Mike Ullman, sued the government in 2012 when new federal employee protections made it illegal for them to hire virgin maidens for the sole purpose of spilling their blood on the Altar of the Cosmos, with the hope that such an offering will prolong the Great Old One's slumber in the sunken city of R'lyeh.
Supreme Court Rules JCPenney Allowed to Sacrifice Employees to Appease Cthulhu [Moonmont Chronicle]
"idris elba as—"
I’m not really into Dilbert, but Wally has always been a bit of a hero to me.
When I say "People are Stupid" I am including myself and the people I'm talking with in "people." We are stupid, just not quite as stupid as slugs.
I'm not sure either, but I too am almost certain.
Perhaps the failures of patriarchy.
Take your canvas bags... Take your canvas baa--ags.
Down to the supermarket.
(or kill yourself, apparently)
(I work in a very popular chocolate shop that also sells ice cream in the summer. It is a particularly busy, hot Saturday. I am serving ice cream. There was a huge line of customers. Suddenly, a customer strolls into the store, leaving her bicycle outside. Eventually, it is her turn.)
Customer: “Finally. I’ll have a hazelnut.”
Me: “Sure, a double or a single?”
Me: “Would you like it in a cone or a tub?”
Customer: “A bag.”
Customer: “A bag.”
(I look at her for a moment)
Me: “I’m sorry, Miss, but the ice cream only comes in a cone or a tub.”
Customer: “Well, I need it in a bag. Do you have a bag?”
(We put chocolate in small transparent bags, but they would definitely not fit an ice cream tub, also there are no lids on the tubs to cover the ice cream.)
Me: “It won’t fit in one of our bags, miss.”
Customer: “Yes, it will. Get one.”
(I protest again, but fetch her bag anyway. I present it to her and show her the size, to prove it won’t fit.)
Me: “See, Miss? It’s too small. The tub won’t fit in there.”
Customer: “Oh, honestly, how do you even have a job? Do you even have a brain?”
(I’m hurt by this comment, and am getting quite angry.)
Me: “Look, it won’t fit; I don’t know what you’d like me to do.”
Customer: “Let me do it, girl.”
(She proceeds to take the full-to-the-brim ice cream tub and squeeze it into the bag sideways, smearing her ice cream all down the sides. I stare at her in disbelief. Ice cream is dripping everywhere.)
Customer: “Was that so hard?”
Me: *still staring* “Would… you like a spoon?”
(She held out the open bag and I dropped in a small plastic spoon with the already nearly melted ice cream. She paid and left. I watched her outside the window as she put her bag of squished ice cream into the child-seat of her bicycle, STRAPPED UP THE SEAT BELT, and cycled away down the road. I stared in disbelief for the rest of the day.)
cars are powered mostly by algae, very little dinosaur.
Hey man everyone knows organics are hard.
I want to believe.
I've seen all these gifs before, but I think the fact that they exist says something about my profession (software engineering).
collection of robots saying “fuck this shit”
Ellis Hamburger, writing for The Verge:
At first, Facebook’s new ephemeral messaging app, Slingshot, feels like yet another Snapchat clone. The free app, available now for iPhone and Android, lets you take a quick photo or video, mark it up with some colorful drawings, caption it with big white text, and then fire it off to a bunch of friends. But then you receive your first message, and you realize this is something completely different.
In Snapchat or any other messaging app, you can view a message as soon as you receive it. But in Slingshot, you can’t view an incoming “shot” until you send a shot back to the sender. “It’s not just about telling your story, it’s about asking others for their story,” says Slingshot designer Joey Flynn. In other words, Slingshot makes you trade a photo of what you’re doing before you can “unlock” the picture of whatever your friend is up to. Huh?
If they give you phones in hell, this is the sort of app that’s on them.
Turns out he has a few cogent reservations. I would agree with them.
Relatedly, I suspect it would surprise a number of people to know I don’t have a philosophical issue with gun ownership. Own them if you like; please take substantial training with them and learn to operate them responsibly, since they really are designed to kill things, including people. I live in a rural area that has a large amount of gun ownership; on many evenings I can hear my neighbors having target practice. There’s never been a problem. I prefer a bow myself.
Likewise, gun ownership, sensibly practiced, as part of (but not solely comprising) an overall security regimen? Sure. Keep the weapon instructor’s reservations in mind; he has experience on the matter. There are lots of ways that introducing a gun to a self-defense situation can go very wrong.
On the other hand, gun as fetish object? Creeps me out. When I see a picture of some dude hoisting some big damn gun about, often with appallingly poor trigger discipline, the first thing that comes to my mind is not look out, we have a badass on our hands, but, rather, here’s a dude who’s afraid of every fucking thing in the world. The big damn gun is like the eyes on the wings of a butterfly or a pufferfish sucking in seawater — a way to look bigger and maybe not get eaten. By whom? By whomever, man, I don’t know — when you’re afraid of every fucking thing in the world, I guess you spend a lot of time worrying about getting eaten.
So wait, are you calling me a coward? I hear some of these dudes saying, hoisting their guns. No, not a coward. Just afraid.
I’m not afraid! I have a big damn gun! Yes, well. Whatever makes you feel not afraid, chuckles.
You wouldn’t be saying that if I were in front of you, with my big damn gun! Indeed, I probably wouldn’t, because when people who are afraid of every fucking thing in the world wander about with big damn guns, bad things have an increasingly likely chance of happening. I’ll just go have lunch in Chipotle until you wander off, if it’s all the same to you.
Knowledgeable about guns? Sweet. Geeked out about guns in all their varieties? Hey, everyone’s a geek about something, and this is one of your things. Rock on. Wanting to share the joys of responsible ownership and use of guns with others? I am all for positive role models with these particular machines. Please do. Have to display yourself with your guns and/or can’t bear to part with them for a moment? Dude, you’re afraid of every fucking thing in the world.
I’m gonna be thinking that every time I see that picture of you with your big damn gun. I doubt I’ll be the only one.
Why We Still Need Print Newspapers
It’s hard not to bask in the glow of the Internet when it provides you with such a convenient way to access such a vast amount of news and information. But here are some things that your digital news can’t do~
Here’s a fun thing for you! KC Green and Anthony Clark’s new comic “Back” launched on Wednesday!! Read the first update here and let’s all share in this experience from the ground floor!
Diogenes was the shit. He was easily one of the best philosophers ever. He made himself the least wealthy person, hence living in a “Barrel”. He also, upon seeing a child drinking from a river with his hands, smashed his only wooden bowl claiming to be “Bested by a child”. He did public stunts to make a point towards customs and norms including eating in the marketplace in Athens which was generally not acceptable. When Plato described humans as “Featherless Bipeds” he plucked a chicken and brought it to him, saying “here’s your man”. Plato changed that description to “Featherless bipeds with arms”.
And here’s where it gets real.
Diogenes the Cynic became well known all over. In fact, Alexander the great, the one man who could have anyone killed just because, went out of his way to find him. Upon meeting Diogenes, whom was laying on the ground, he said something to the extent of “Ah, the great Diogenes! Is there anything that I, Alexander the Great, can do you?”. Diogenes’ response was a crude “Yes, Get out of my sunlight.”
But, however, Alexander came back another time, to find Diogenes sifting through a pile of bones. Alex inquired “Diogenes, what are you doing sifting through that pile of bones?” Diogenes the Cynic responded “I’m trying to distinguish between the bones of your father, and that of a slave. I cannot tell the difference.” An insult that any man would want the other beheaded for indeed. But no, not Alexander.
Alexander went on to later say that if he were not Alexander the Great, he would wish to be Diogenes.
Dude’s a motherfuckingbadass.