Kccanavan

There's money in the Netflix banana stand: Mitch Hurwitz says he’ll “definitely” make a 5th season of Arrested Development.

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Let your inner grump shine. Available on Zazzle.

It’s another day, so you know what that means. Some obscure conservative will say something stupid about how our society is turning into Nazi Germany because of teh gehys and silly womyn wanting to abort all the babies on the planet. Which no-name loon will we be mocking today? Via The Atlantic Wire:

[Justice Antonin] Scalia opened his talk with a reference to the Holocaust, which happened to occur in a society that was, at the time, “the most advanced country in the world.” One of the many mistakes that Germany made in the 1930s was that judges began to interpret the law in ways that reflected “the spirit of the age.” When judges accept this sort of moral authority, as Scalia claims they’re doing now in the U.S., they get themselves and society into trouble.

Wait, is Yr Wonkette really telling you that a FUCKING SUPREME COURT JUSTICE just compared our society to Nazi Germany?!?!1? Yep. Because fuck Monday. 

Apparently, Justice Scalia has a giant sad because no one reads SCOTUSblog anymore and no one cares about the Supreme Court in the summertime, so he decided that he really really wanted people to LOOK AT MEEEEE.

In his speech, which is actually titled, “Mullahs of the West: Judges as Moral Arbiters,” Justice Scalia manages to pander to the tinfoil-hat-wearing crowd of the far far far right. We’ll let The Aspen Times take it away:

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia used the twin terrors of Nazi Germany and radical Islam to warn a Snowmass Village audience Saturday about the dangers of judicial activism.

BOOM. Nazi Germany AND radical Islam all rolled into one. It’s a whackjob buffet! Many folks think this speech is in reaction to the DOMA ruling that forces churches to gay marry anyone to anything else, and preachers are not allowed to refuse even if a man wants to gay marry a lamppost. Doesn’t even matter if the lamppost is a boy or a girl.

So why does Justice Scalia not like activist judges, except when he himself is an activist judge?

Scalia cited numerous issues that have been thrown to the courts — a woman’s right to an abortion, society’s right to execute someone for a crime, whether “homosexual sodomy” ought to be allowed — and claimed that judges are unqualified to answer them. Medical doctors, engineers, ethicists and even “Joe Six Pack” would be just as qualified as a legal professional to settle some issues that have come before the high court.

We would have to agree that Justice Scalia is certainly not qualified to answer these questions, because who uses the term “homosexual sodomy” anymore? Also, no one is asking the Court to hand down a moral decision on these issues. The question is whether or not the State can discriminate against women, “homosexual sodomers” and others in a legal sense. In the same way one might think that voting for Republicans is morally repugnant, it is a legal question as to whether or not we can ban Republicans from voting.

Justice Scalia talks about how when women got all uppity and bra-burn-y and wanted to vote, the Supreme Court didn’t weigh in – it let Congress pass the 19th Amendment. And that’s the way it should be, apparently, with abortions and “homosexual sodomy” (but not straight sodomy, apparently, so you straights continue to have all the buttsechs you want).

And what qualifies as “legal” and “moral” seems to be completely up to Justice Scalia.

His chief contention, which he delivered with occasional humor, was that judges are not policymakers and should leave policy decisions to elected lawmakers, who answer to the citizenry.

HAHAHAHA, the humor is right there in that completely ironic statement! Policy should be left to policymakers, just like when he was ok with the Voting Rights Act that was passed by policymakers, except that he overturned it because hypocrisy is the new black.

But activist judges (read: liberals) are just inviting the Holocaust to plop down on main street and start gas-chambering… who, exactly? Who cares – NAZI GERMANY IS SCARY AND SO IS GAY MARRIAGE AND JUSTICE SCALIA WANTS ATTENTION.

Justice Scalia did not mention things like interracial marriage, which would have prevented his fellow robe-wearer Justice Thomas from marrying his wife had not SCOTUS intervened. We don’t know why, except perhaps that example doesn’t fit into the bizarre notion that elected officials make wise decisions on behalf of all the citizenry.

So everyone please take a moment and look at Justice Scalia. There, are you happy, Justice Scalia? Now will you please shut the fuck up for a while and go eat a bag of barbequed rat dicks? KThanxBye.

[Aspen Times via The Atlantic Wire]

Previously: The Yogurt Ghost Fairy Tales, Part II

Natalie Eve Garrett has new prints of skulls and roses here for you.

The Huffington Post reports that Planned Parenthood clinics in Bryan, Huntsville and Lufkin will close down this August.

This isn't just about the recent abortion bill. Officials with Planned Parenthood Gulf Coast placed much of the blame on the legislature's massive cuts to the Women's Health Program in 2011.

lefthandedtoons:

http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/1478/

LIVE, DAMMIT! LIIIIIIVE!!

This summer, you won’t have to go far to find a Candy Crush player. There they are: begging lives off strangers on the subway platform, bonding with fellow acolytes at the DMV, taking time off work to focus on what matters—literally wearing their lack of productivity like a badge. "Sometimes I just go into the bathroom and sit on the seat and play," a colleague confessed, describing some quality in-office downtime. "I don't tell many people that . . ."

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Back in January, HBO ordered a comedy pilot called Togetherness, created by sibling directing duo Mark and Jay Duplass, and now, the pilot is going to series. THR reports that HBO has ordered a first season of the show, set to start filming in 2014. Written, directed, and produced by the brothers, Togetherness stars Mark Duplass as a guy with a wife (Melanie Lynskey), two kids, and a good job who has problems beneath the surface. Amanda Peet plays Lynskey's character's sister, who is considering moving from Houston to LA to be closer to her sister. Steve Zissis is playing a struggling actor who has just become homeless, and Duplass's character is his only friend in the world. This is the Duplass Brothers' first TV project, following years of microbudget movies like Jeff, Who Lives at Home and Cyrus.

Best Buy Employee Going To Tell You What He Has At Home

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Todd Masonis of Dandelion Chocolate, one of Leo’s favorite chocolate shops in the world.

Leo: I attended a Chocolate 101 class with Eva at Dandelion Chocolate’s beautiful little chocolate factory/shop on Valencia Street in San Francisco about a month ago, and absolutely loved it. I asked Todd, co-founder of Dandelion, to share some tips on tasting chocolate … mindfully.

Without further ado, here’s Todd Masonis of Dandelion Chocolate, on the Art of Tasting Chocolate Mindfully:

We’re often asked if there’s a right way or a wrong way to taste chocolate. I don’t like to overthink it — if tastes good to you, then it’s right. However, there are a few tips on how to taste chocolate mindfully.

The first step is to slow down. Before you rip apart the packaging and dig in, take a moment to read about the bar. Chocolate makers think through countless decisions and this is our opportunity to share our perspective. Even the physicality of our packaging should draw you into the chocolate experience. In our case, the handmade cotton paper should feel soft. Like our bars, the slightly imperfect screenprinting should reinforce the touch-of-the-hand craftsmanship that goes into each of our bars. And our typeface is intentionally small so that you are encouraged to grasp the bar and experience it close-up. Many labels will tell you about the beans, the farmers, or terroir. Take a moment to note what you can about the bar, so you start learning the differences in the various origins and chocolate makers.

After that, gently unwrap the bar and take a look at it. Flip it over, look at the sides. Does it have a nice shine? What about its color? Is the back smooth or rumpled? Do you see any wavy patterns which might indicate that the bar didn’t release properly from the mold?

Next, break off a small piece and note the snap. Does it crumble or pop? Is the break clean or ragged? The snap indicates the temper — the alignment of the crystal structure in the cocoa butter –and a poor snap can often mean a mistake or improper storage, or even a different style choice.

Now place the small piece in your mouth. Take a tiny bite to break it into a few pieces. Let it start to gently melt on your tongue. Now move the chocolate around your mouth and coat your tongue, but avoid chewing. If you eat it quickly, you’ll miss the tasting experience that makes each bar origin unique.

Within a second or two, the chocolate will melt more and you will begin to taste flavor notes beyond just the bitter, cocoa rush you tasted at the first moment it hit your tongue. Look for various notes and see if you can identify them. Do they come in all at once, or do they evolve as the chocolate melts? Where do you taste the chocolate — near the front or back of your mouth? Are the notes like a single, clean instrument or more like a symphony? Or worse, like a cacophony of flavors that don’t mesh?

Once you’ve listened for these flavors, swallow and wait a few seconds. Notice what tastes linger — how does it finish? Is it pleasant or harsh? Does it leave you wanting more or wishing you had some water to wash away the aftertaste?

And that’s it — it’s best not to overthink it, just taste slowly and mindfully. Chocolate makes people happy and if it’s too cerebral, you may be missing the experience. And once you’ve tried some chocolate you like, try other origins, chocolate makers, and percentages. Many makers, especially the new, small American ones, have their own distinct styles, techniques and point of view. And if you don’t find interesting flavor notes, the first time, don’t fret and try a different maker. Most industrial chocolate has been made to have one plain, monotone cocoa note, so make sure you try a bunch of different companies and different types.

Visit the Dandelion Chocolate shop in San Francisco, or find their bars at some of the best stores nationwide. You can also read more from Todd on the Dandelion Chocolate blog.

You buy a sports car because here’s what’s going to happen in your sports car: you’re going to drive out to the country and then you’re going to fuck in the grass. Then you’re going to talk about stuff and then you’re going to get back into your sports car and drive them back to their place. Sun setting, all that shit. You drop them off and then you drive down a twisty canyon until you get to the beach because you gotta think about stuff. Man, you’re never going home, not ever again. You have a sports car.

A Redditor who happened by the Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles snapped a photo of one patient's amusing SOS: "SEND PIZZA RM 4112."

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Apple Cabin Foods No.7

Last February, Chevalier von Windsor posted a bunch of gorgeous, amazing photos from the UK's phone booth graveyard, near the village of Carlton Miniott (scroll right to the bottom). The contrast between the normally shiny and proud red call-boxes and these dusty, decaying corpses makes the photos work.

It looks like another Netflix season of Arrested Development may be in the future. Brian Grazer, Arrested Development producer and season 4 cameo-maker, revealed to Bloomberg Television in an interview yesterday that there have been talks with Netflix to make a fifth season. "We are in conversations with them to do another," Grazer said. "They are interested in doing that.” News of Netflix officially being in talks for another season comes after the company's CEO Reed Hastings told CNBC in May that he was happy with the results of season 4 and is interested in another season of the show. "If the talent were willing to do more, and interested in that, I’m sure we would be willing," Hastings was quoted as saying.

Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz has been talking about following season 4 up with a movie even before production began, but that plan has apparently changed to doing another season. "I would say that I'm more interested in telling the ongoing saga of this family than working out a particular strategy for how to do it," Hurwitz explained in a Reddit Q&A in June. Hurwitz also said season 5 will feature the whole Bluth family together more, which has been one of the chief complaints fans had with season 4:

For the 5th season, it would DEFINITELY be about the family all together. That was always the design. The idea was originally to have them even together LESS for Season 4 – it really was going to be basically 9 stories (like the Salinger collection) that had nothing to do with one another, and just showed everybody's life, so that everybody's life could get to a point of peril, and then the family could truly have no choice but to get back together for the next iteration.

Hopefully, these season 5 negotiations are quick and we don't have to wait through another six years of will they/won't they like we did in between seasons 3 and 4.

wishkind:

”free wifi”

”please ask a member of staff for details”

Reuters catches male Texas lawmakers looking suuuuper bored during yesterday's 10+ hours of abortion bill discussion pic.twitter.com/RPTPbMthYG

— jessica testa (@jtes) July 10, 2013

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waiting for guffman

At ESPN Magazine, Amanda Hess takes on "the place of the mammary in the pectoral-dominated world of sports," beginning a few months ago with the first women's fight in UFC history, in which #1-ranked MMA fighter Ronda Rousey was given the wrong bra for her match and subsequently had to deal with both a neck-snapping choke hold and a breast about to expose itself to a lifetime of GIF immortality. Hess then gets into facts that boggle the mind:

Greek folktales spun the myth that a race of all-female Amazons lopped off the right breast in order to hurl spears and shoot arrows more efficiently. (In Greek, a-mazos means "without breast.")

Research shows a typical A-cup boob weighs in at 0.43 of a pound. Every additional cup size adds another 0.44 of a pound. That means a hurdler with a double-D chest carries more than 4 pounds of additional weight with her on every leap. And when they get moving, the nipples on a C- or D-cup breast can accelerate up to 45 mph in one second — faster than a Ferrari. In an hour of moderate jogging, a pair of breasts will bounce several thousand times.

The piece, a fascinating counterpoint to the diverse array of photos in the ESPN Body Issue, covers female athletes' extensive strategies (from different golf postures to $15,000 breast reductions) to deal with their boobs as well as the diminishment of opportunities that come with increases in chest size ("Busty ballet dancers are transferred to hip-hop. Postpubescent gymnasts get put on the rings. Runners are instructed to play in the water instead"). Also, a bit about the sports bra:

When Katherine Switzer became the first woman to don a bib at the Boston Marathon in 1967, science was unprepared to grapple with the female frame in motion. Critics warned her that the repetitive movement could cause her breasts to atrophy and her uterus to drop out of her vagina. (She ran the race in a flimsy fashion bra under a T-shirt and sweatshirt.) The sports bra wasn't even invented until 10 years later, when a group of women sewed two jock straps together and slung them over their shoulders. (An early version of the original Jogbra is now preserved behind glass at the Smithsonian.) The advent of the sports bra "was like the birth control of the women's sports revolution," Switzer says. Still, for the next 10-plus years, scientists stayed out of athletes' efforts to make their breasts stay put. Finally, in 1990, Oregon State University researcher LaJean Lawson invited female subjects onto a treadmill and filmed the results in the first-ever study of breast movement.

Second Sex on the Beach

Susan Beer Anthony

Woman’s Libation

Shandy Day O’Connor

Cotes du Rhone Vs. Wade

Creme de 19th Amendment

A Rum of One’s Own

Sojourner Vermouth

Rosé the Riveter

Intrauterine Deviceroy

Pabst Smear

Pussy Rye-ot

International Women’s Daiquiri

Joan of Arc and Stormy

Vermouth Bader Ginsberg

Pimms Diva Cup

Judith Butlery Nipple

Our Toddies, Ourselves

All Heterosexual Triple-Sec is Rape

Equal IPA Act

Pickle-Back the Night

Mary Thom Collins

Female Condom Perignon

Bloody Mary Wollstonecraft

Morning After Pillsner

Glass Yuengling

A Woman Needs a Man(hattan) Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

Jane-Claire Quigley is an underemployed freelance writer and editor who uses her Twitter [@notjaneclaire] to store puns she's working on. 

Wow. This picture of TX House Dems at the mic during today's abortion debate. With hangers. #sb1 pic.twitter.com/hDEUWxe3DV

— jennifer bendery (@jbendery) July 9, 2013

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theavc:

Donald Glover will be decreasing his role on Community next season and will only appear in five of the season’s 13 episodes. This hurts us just as much as it hurts you.