Luke's Other Posts of Note

Oh the age gaps. They are interesting.

Having a 14 year old, a 10 year old, and a 1 year old all at the same time is mostly really cool. The big sisters adore that baby. And they are really, truly helpful. Not like, "Can you get Mommy a diaper?" useful....I mean, I can shower uninterrupted and not worry. They've got it. They will handle whatever unless it's an especially bad diaper. Even then they wouldn't mind if they knew she would just lay there and let them change her. But she will not.

They play with her. They teach her things. And they love on her all the time.

And they still have a great relationship with each other. There are only 1 or 2 things they still play together, those older two. But they still have a great time with those two things. It was just the two of them as sisters for 8 years and that will always be special.



But I love watching their relationship with the littlest sister grow as well.

I am so completely spent. I have nothing left to give. What’s wrong with me? I am so afraid I am going to be a complete failure as a mother. Lord, am I going to mess up my kids?

These thoughts have swirled around and around in my heart over the course of my motherhood journey. I’ve spent many a day half questioning myself – half begging God for help through the tears and the doubts.

Over the next 4 weeks, let’s answer the crazy question many of us have asked: Am I messing up my kids? No, I don’t think we are. Join me each week right here on my blog to participate in the conversation. You’ll be encouraged and empowered to be the mom God knows you can be, and by the end of these 4 weeks, I think you’ll agree!

—

I felt pulled in a thousand directions.

Ashley wanted me to watch her at gymnastics. Hope wanted to be dropped off at a friend’s house. Brooke wanted a friend to come over, and the boys had to be taken to their soccer game. All in one day. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with the kids. I love my children and love spending time with them. It’s just that I was tired.

I was serving from the dregs of my bucket rather than the overflow.

On a scale from one to ten, my stress level hovered around a seven. I wanted to take time to be with the Lord and allow His Word to bathe my parched soul and bring my stress back to a manageable level, but constant time crunches kept me distracted. Feeling tired and underappreciated, I should have known I was setting myself up for failure.

On Saturday morning, I was out the door by 5:45am with four boys and Ashley in tow. About halfway to the soccer game, the kids brought it to my attention that nobody had eaten breakfast. My stress level jumped to a nine and voices of accusation started dancing in my head. What kind of mom sends her kids to play soccer with no food in their bellies?

We didn’t have time to stop before dropping the boys off at the field, but they would have a warm-up time before the game started, which would give me time to zip through a drive-through and bring food back to them. So I dropped the boys off and then Ashley and I went to find biscuits.

When I got to the window to pick up my food, I was surprised by the enormous size of our drinks. The cups were so large they wouldn’t fit in my car’s cup holders. I told Ashley to please hold on to the drinks as they would tip easily if we weren’t careful. I had no sooner turned out of the parking lot when I hit a pothole, and what seemed like gallons of tea dumped onto the floor of my car. In a frustrated huff I raised my voice. “Ashley, I told you to hold on to those drinks!”

My stress level jumped past a ten when Ashley snapped back at me, “Mom, YOU just made me spill the drinks!”

I don’t know from what dark, unbridled corner of my heart my next response came. It must have been lurking there for a while just waiting to pop out and horrify me.

Me, the mom who had taken such pride that she’d never cussed at her kids.

Me, the Proverbs 31 woman with a ministry teaching women the importance of using kind words to correct her children.

Me, the woman who teaches Bible studies, whipped my head around to my daughter and yelled a sentence that included a word I couldn’t believe I said. It’s the same word that is used when referring to the houses beavers make. But that’s not what I meant. There it was in broad daylight…a cuss word that spilled from my lips.

The same lips that read bedtime stories, say nighttime prayers, and tenderly kiss my children good night. The same lips that tell others about Jesus. The same lips that sing God’s praises. Oh, the horror I felt.

After a few moments of silence, I apologized. We drove to the soccer game, and while Ashley delivered her brothers’ biscuits I called a friend. With tears in my eyes, I recounted the morning’s events. Then, before I told her the dreaded sentence, I warned her, “You are going to think I’m the worst mom ever. You’re just not going to believe what I did!” Then I whispered what I’d yelled at Ashley…beaver home and all.

“That’s it? That’s it? That’s what you are so upset about? Apologize to her, ask God for forgiveness, and get over it. So you had a hard morning. Stop letting Satan get the best of you and ask God to give you a new attitude.”

What? She didn’t condemn me? She didn’t agree that I’m the worst mom ever? She didn’t hop in her van, speed my way, and stone me? What freedom. What a gift of grace. What a friend!

I bowed my head and asked God to protect Ashley’s heart from the dart I shot at her, and I asked Him to wipe this whole event from her mind. I asked God to forgive me, not just for my ugly words, but most of all for getting too busy to spend time with Him.

As I mopped up my van overflowing with tea, I realized I’d been living life backward that week. I was letting my to-do list overflow while withholding my time with the Lord. When what I should have done is let my time with the Lord overflow while withholding my to-do list.

It’s a mistake I think a lot of us moms make. We’re slaves to the tyranny of the urgent. But how can we continue to pour out if we aren’t being filled back up on a daily basis? The flood of demands will consume us if we don’t take the time to let God right our perspective, reduce our stress level, and whisper His tender truths of love in our ear.

Have you ever had a “worst mom ever” day? Take heart, so have we all. Take my friend’s advice. Apologize to your children. Ask God for forgiveness. Get over it and stop letting Satan drag you down. Spend time with the Lord getting a new attitude, and He’ll help you leave the dams to the beavers!

—

Today I’m giving away 3 Am I Messing Up My Kids? bundles.

Each bundle includes two books: one for you to keep and one to give away to another mom in need. Comment below with who you’d give the other book to, and why, for your chance to win!

Last night a friend from church asked me what side I fall on politically. Old labels carry too much baggage though. I know who I have been and I know who I want to be. I want to be someone who loves God and loves my neighbors. In the parable of the Good Samaritan, when Jesus explains through a story who

The Parable of the Good Samaritan by Jan Wijnants (1670) shows the Good Samaritan tending the injured man. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 qualifies as a "neighbor" (anyone in need) and what it looks like to love them (generosity of time, space and money), I see an all encompassing philosophy of life. It's a philosophy that is unhindered by artificial social barriers. It sees unity with all who bleed. No one in need is excluded. All are included. The examples of villains in Jesus' story are those who cannot be bothered with the inconvenience of aid, who cannot forget past grievances, who transfer the faults of a group onto the individual, who delight in justice instead of mercy. What makes the Samaritan good is the open-handed posture. What makes the others in the story counter examples is their closed-handed.

What makes Jesus intriguing to so many is his open-handed posture. But he wasn't always. His hand was closed to those who hurt others. His hand was closed to those whose hands were not open. A closed hand ignores the cries of the poor, the moans of the sick, the songs of (incorrect) worshipers. A closed hand takes instead of receives. An open hand gives, defends, heals, and protects.

I fall politically where I fall theologically, where I want to fall personally. Call me open handed, because progressive, or liberal, or inclusive, or generous are too easy. Open-handed is much harder, but more beautiful.

Hannah (4): "Mom, I want pigtails so I will be pretty."

Me: "Hannah, if you want to be truly beautiful, you have to cultivate goodness in your heart."

Hannah: "I want to be pretty like that but with pigtails because those are prettier."

A few weeks ago I wrote an off-the-cuff prayer on the MOB Society Facebook page. It was a Sunday night, and I was already feeling the anxiety that comes all too often as I face yet another Monday morning.

So, a few hundred other boy moms kinda liked it, I think.

Maybe you can relate too? I sit down Sunday night, after two full days of a break in the routine, and sometimes…just sometimes…I heavy sigh (that deep breath and heavy release that comes when you think about something you don’t want to do?).

The truth is, sometimes I don’t want to do Mondays.

But they come around every seven days like clockwork.

My emotions often betray me on Monday mornings. I’m easily annoyed, frustrated at how long it takes us to get back in a groove, and (like the prayer says above) usually end the day feeling like a total Monday flunkie.

It occurred to me though, that God is in my Mondays, so there must be something worth redeeming in there somewhere. If you’re like me, and you sometimes need a little Sunday night encouragement to help you make it through your Monday mornings, I’ve got a treat for you.

No more Monday Flunkies

I thought it would be fun to have my friend Fran, from Small Bird Studios, turn my little impromptu prayer into a beautiful print for you to download, print out, and hang on your fridge as a reminder that Jesus is still in control of your Mondays. Look at what a beautiful job she did!

Here’s the FABULOUS deal I have going for you:

My latest eBook, How to Control Your Emotions, So They Don’t Control You: A Mom’s Guide to Overcoming  is ON SALE for just $2.99. When you purchase your copy today (to try to get those Monday morning emotions in check), for you or for a friend, and forward your receipt to emotionsebook@gmail.com you’ll receive both of these lovely printables, absolutely free (please allow 48 hours to get your prints).

BUT THERE’S MORE!

In addition to getting the free prints upon purchase:

• The first 100 people who purchase a copy of How to Control Your Emotions and forward their receipt to emotionsebook@gmail.com, will get a 15% coupon code to spend in the Small Bird Studios Etsy Shop! (Please allow 48 hours to get your code) What a great thing to have with Christmas right around the corner!
• The first 5 people who purchase a copy of How to Control Your Emotions and forward their receipt to emotionsebook@gmail.com, will get a physical print of A Prayer for Sunday Night! FREE! Mailed right to your door!

Remember, purchase your book, forward your receipt, and wait for the goodies!

Be Blessed! And here’s to no more Monday flunkies!

our Ben tree

This week I am enjoying the last of fall colors on our street. Rains a few days ago shook the leaves from some of the trees but in our front yard, the two maples are still full and intense, casting a golden glow into the rooms on that side of the house. It is my favorite week of the year with the last bit of summer loveliness quickly fading and the coziness of winter promising to visit us soon. We planted the larger of these trees the year our son Ben was born and it serves as a daily reminder to me of God’s faithfulness to our family.

During the first four years of our marriage, we had three children and were pretty overwhelmed. During my pregnancy with the third, I told my doctor that I wanted to have my tubes tied right after delivery and still remember the look on his face and his response, “Mrs. Campbell!” he admonished. “You are only 25 years old! I would never consider doing such a thing! You may want to have more children in the future. I will not do this.”

Still determined to limit our family to three children, we were content for 7 years…until we attended a Basic Seminar with Bill Gothard. Only two years into his ATI program, he painted a vision for us that was forever to change our lives. Six weeks later we pulled our children out of public school and began homeschooling, six months later I was pregnant with child number four. Now, 28 years, 6 kids, and 14 grandchildren later, I am still grateful for the message we heard that late November night: that children are a blessing and we should consider having more, that homeschooling is good for children and parents, we should try it. God opened our hearts and minds to His will for our family.

We had to learn many lessons in the years that followed. We never fully bought into the Gothard paradigm, though I was the one who often wanted us to try. I was wooed by the navy neck bows and a 5000 member choir of spit-shined young people singing “It will be worth it all when we see Jesus.” Clay, not so much. But our love of little ones and homeschooling never waned and the Lord blessed us in spite of many years when my family threatened to become a form of idolatry in my own life. When the pride of seeking perfection blinded me to real people and their real needs. When I didn’t realize that loving God really meant loving others more than myself.

This has been a difficult week for many moms. Doug Phillips is the man the Lord used to inspire their husbands to consider the value of being a dad. He is the one who painted a picture of motherhood for them that resonated with the God-given desire most women have to nurture and love children. He gave them hope for their families in a world that most Christians realize is increasingly post-modern if not downright pagan. He inspired families to love America and to see God’s sovereignty in many places we had forgotten it existed. And those messages are true and good ones.

But somehow hearing criticism of the man and his philosophies has translated to these wonderful moms that their choices have not been valid ones. And this is the real sadness of it all. Because God HAS used Vision Forum for good in many ways IN SPITE OF the bad theology, IN SPITE OF the dangerous teachings, IN SPITE OF the damage done to so many. But rather than minimize or ignore the false teachings and pretend it is genuine Biblical truth, now is the time to say, “God is good, He has led our family, not because of what Doug Phillips said but because God showed us these things by His grace alone!”

Now is also the time for families who have been caught up in the patriarchy paradigm to ask hard questions. It is time to put away the big red manuals, the endless CD’s of “encouragement,” the books and programs and conference paraphernalia and pick up the Bible. It is time for parents to humble themselves and seek forgiveness from their children, some of them long-estranged because the paradigm taught that they should be. It is time to repent of the pride of who has a larger family, who is interning where, who is courting whom, who has the most modest clothes, who God is blessing, who He is cursing, etc. Have you been blessed? Rejoice and be grateful! Are you struggling? Rejoice and be grateful! Reject the idolatry of the paradigm, embrace the relationships around you. Pull out one of the one anothering verses every single day, over and over again, and live them! Love God, love your children, love your neighbors. Welcome God’s grace and be thankful for how God alone, not Doug Phillips, Bill Gothard, a patriarchal leader, radio teacher, or any man, has brought you to this point!

“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” ~ Jonah 2:8

 

I’m reading about David’s life in 1 and 2 Samuel and came across a section during which he asked specific questions of God and received specific answers.

David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I pursue this band [of Amalekites who had raided his home]? Shall I overtake them?” And He said to him, “Pursue, for you will surely overtake them, and you will surely rescue all.” (1 Samuel 30:8)

David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I go up to one of the cities of Judah?” And the LORD said to him, “Go up.” So David said, “Where shall I go up?” And He said, “To Hebron.” (2:1b)

David certainly was not the first person to ask specific questions of God or to receive specific instructions from Him.

He told Abram to leave his home and go until He said to stop. He sent Jonah to Nineveh to warn them of impending destruction because of their sin. He told Joshua to have the priests carry the ark into the Jordan River so that the flow of water would stop. He gave Noah the building plan for an ark and Moses the blueprint for a tabernacle. He told Hosea to marry and Jeremiah to buy a particular plot of ground. He told Gideon to spy on the people he was about to attack if he was afraid. He had Moses to make a bronze serpent and led Lot out of Sodom. He instructed Samuel to anoint David, not his brothers. He confronted Job concerning his doubts and led Elisha to a certain widow who would feed him for the better part of three years.

I could go on, but the point is, God gave specific instructions to His people. This wasn’t “Follow me,” or “Obey my commandments,” or “Love me.” He did give those kinds of directives, too, but the ones I’m talking about were specific and personal.

Sometimes He spoke through visions or dreams and sometimes through a prophet or an angel. Sometimes He spoke from a burning bush or out of His pillar of fire. Apparently He spoke directly to some people as He did when He promised to make Abraham the father of nations, then when He instructed him to take his son to Moriah and sacrifice him, and again when He told him to substitute the ram for Isaac.

All this personal, clear communication with God came to His people before He sent Jesus and before He sent His Holy Spirit to indwell believers. Today we have knowledge of God’s Son, we have the presence of the Spirit, and we have possession of God’s written revelation. And yet we seem to flounder when it comes to communication with God.

Some Christians say the Bible has replaced God’s use of visions and direct communication, that people who believe in listening to God’s Holy Spirit are seeking some secret knowledge because they’ve fallen into the heresy of gnosticism.

It’s a serious consideration. Everything in Scripture leads me to believe that God will not reveal a new or different gospel. He isn’t going to send us another book or speak extra-biblical pronouncements for the Church through a human agent. For example, should the Pope decide to change the Catholic Church’s stand on abortion, his word would not overturn the teaching of the Bible, no matter what his congregants think.

On the other hand, I find it odd that King David could ask God, Which city should I go to, and God answered him, but Christians today, filled with the Holy Spirit, can’t ask the same kinds of questions.

Of course we can ask, but few people expect an outright answer. Hence, my guess is, few people ask. In fact, some Christians who think God only speaks through the Bible apparently believe Christians who ask and say God answers are making it up or are deluded or are hearing from Satan.

Don’t get me wrong. I think this is a complex issue because Satan is a liar, and he does deceive people (see Eve). Add to the mix the fact that my own heart is deceitful. Then, too, wicked people are out to milk others of all they can get and will promise all kinds of false things if you only send in a donation of $__.

Which, of course, makes an already skeptical group of western Christians who are told not to believe in superstitions even less inclined to believe we can ask God for personal guidance and expect Him to answer.

But why wouldn’t He?

If He wants a relationship with us, and He said He did (that’s in the written record), and He gave us His Spirit (also part of the infallible, immovable, sure Word of God), why would we think His Spirit would live in us without talking to us? It’s not logical to believe a communicable God who loves us would remain mute.

Unless . . .

There’s another something in the imperishable Word of God that addresses this issue. A command. Believers are instructed not to quench the Holy Spirit (1 Thess. 5:19).

Could it be that we don’t “hear” God’s voice because we’re smothering it, either with our doctrine or our doubts or our determination to depend upon ourselves?

Of all the people in the Bible who God used in a powerful way, I find Nehemiah to be the one I can relate to the most because he seems to have had a relationship with God that’s similar to the way I see Him work today.

Nehemiah never heard God’s voice, as near as I can determine. His call from God came through a group of Jews that visited him in Babylon (in other words, through circumstances). He prayed but didn’t wait for a direct message from God. Instead, he did the thing that was right in front of him. Then he gave God the credit for answered prayer at the results. In addition, he recognized God’s working inside him. From chapter 3: “I did not tell anyone what my God was putting into my mind to do for Jerusalem” (emphasis mine).

I have no doubt God answered Nehemiah’s prayer. He knew the ideas he had weren’t his own. He knew the circumstances that brought him to Jerusalem and that made it possible to rebuild the walls of the city were answers to his prayer.

In the same way, I believe Christians today can know the same kinds of things. It’s not secret knowledge and it never contradicts Scripture. But in the same way King David could say, where should I go and Nehemiah could pray, make Your servant successful today, and God answered them, I believe we can ask God what’s on our hearts and He will answer. God’s communication with us may not always be what we want to hear, but I think we sell Him short if we aren’t asking.

Filed under: Holy Spirit, Prayer Tagged: communication, God, God's call, hearing God's voice, Holy Spirit, Prayer, Scripture

 

 

We love going to a local chili supper fundraiser for a group of volunteer firefighters. Because it is held at their station that is along a busy highway, days before the event, they line the road with bright orange warning barrels so people coming to the supper as well as those passing through their small town will slow down, pay attention, and avoid danger. Remembering a traffic tragedy at one of their suppers a few years back reminds them how important this is and everyone is grateful for their diligence.

This week I have been considering just a few of those things I believe should serve as warning markers, the cumbersome orange warning barrels along the patriarchy highway, that will keep families from danger. Here is my list of questions and observations; please feel free to add your thoughts in the comment section.

How do they use the Bible? Creating unusual if not weird interpretations of Scripture and turning Old Testament narratives into commands, camping out on the more difficult passages of Scripture that centuries of Bible scholars disagree on but magically they understand, these are all part and parcel of this movement. The entire stay-at-home-daughters movement is based on Numbers 30! I still don’t get that one.  Ask them to explain why men are priests of the home when 1 Peter 2:9 says we are all priests and kings. Remember the Golden Rules of interpreting Scripture: The main things are the plain things and the plain things are the main things. AND, context, context, context! Warning: Danger.

Do you see hypocrisy? Do the rules apply to everyone or just their minions? Do they set themselves up as arbiters of truth and discernment but rain down fire and brimstone on anyone who even dares to question them? Does their behavior contradict their teachings? Do they have strident rules for everyone but then not apply them in their own homes? Do they present information in such a way as to dissemble truth, only telling you what they want you to hear, knowing if they reported the whole teaching or story, you would believe something entirely different? A number of years ago two different women reported that their pastor and his wife instructed their entire congregation to never tell anyone that they had been divorced and remarried, leaving them feeling they were part of some cover-up they didn’t understand. I call this the “Rahab Clause” as one pastor a few years back taught that God blessed Rahab’s lies so he will bless ours if it for the common good! Warning: Danger!

Do you see a lack of accountability or refusal to hold men accountable to their elders, denominations, and everyone else? Whether we want to believe it or not, there is an epidemic of good old boys clubs within patriarchal circles and creativity when it comes to allowing church leaders to “be restored.” Of course, true restoration and genuine repentance are the hoped for result. But I have seen too many times where people are placed back in to areas of responsibility making a mockery of the whole process. I still remember when a pastor in one of the most conservative churches in my area committed adultery with a woman he was counseling in his congregation. Though he had to step down for a while, during his time off, he was allowed to continue preaching as pulpit supply for other churches in his denomination! And some of the strongest voices for pontificating about the lack of church discipline are those who have ignored their own authorities and gone off to do their own thing. Warning: Danger!

What are the relationship dynamics? Is there a spirit of one anothering that permeates the entire group or is there an attitude of top down authority that goes beyond leadership? Do the fathers get up from talking with the men to help with little ones or change diapers? Does this group produce wimpy wives or even those who are as sweet as a little old magnolia blossom on the outside and mean as a junkyard dog on the inside?  How are children nurtured? With an iron fist or with a spirit of gentleness and grace? Do the older young men and women relate to each other normally or is it stiff and weird? How are elderly folks treated in these families? Is practicing the one anothers of Scripture ever mentioned? Do you see it in action? Or is there nothing but role playing? Warning: Danger!

Does there seem to be an obsession with modesty, moral purity, and sex? All the modestly dressed women in the world will not prevent men from lust. Neither will Debi Pearl’s perfect heavenly marriage, wearing only dresses, abstaining from television or movies, not allowing women to engage in conversations with men, warning young people to not become emotionally involved with someone prior to marriage and even asking young maidens to pledge sexual purity to their fathers.  (If I read one more salacious description of some couples “first kiss” I will scream. Go back and read Doug Phillips’ description of the “first kisses” has witnessed. So weird!) Do you hear about modesty frequently in your support group or women’s group? Does the pastor preach about sex often? Do you feel uncomfortable when he does? Does he use phrases that depict the act of sex in a violent way? And speaking of violence, what is the group’s position of spiritual, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse of women and children?  Don’t know? Warning: Danger!

Do the leaders surround themselves with impressionable young people? I am coming to see this as a major warning sign within the patriocentric groups. First of all, it certainly flies in the face of their teachings about parents being mentors and the importance of parental authority. While I absolutely agree that we want to see our children encouraged and discipled by godly men and women throughout all their lives, I believe God has given parents that important role in the lives of their young adult and adult children. Shipping them off to places for undefined “internships” and questionable “theological” training presents all sorts of new problems and ones we may not even know about until it is too late and damage has been done. What is wrong, for example, with parents who continue to send their young daughters to ATI headquarters when there continue to be reports of bizarre behavior? My guess is that this is far more widespread than we imagine throughout all these  groups and not only am I tossing out orange barrels, I am throwing red flags. Warning: Danger!

Do they promise a utopia in this world?  Whether it is Vision Forum’s grandiose 200 Year Plan or someone offering a health and wealth Gospel to the faithful, this world is not our home and our only hope for perfection is in heaven! I believe this is one of the cruelest and most deceptive aspects of the patriarchy movement. Yes, we are to be faithful stewards until the Lord returns and are not to think of our attempts to see the culture redeemed via evangelism as polishing brass on a sinking ship. But neither are we to calculate how God will bless us or America through having lots of children or homeschooling or getting the right guy in office. Anyone who paints this vision for you is wrong. Warning: Danger!

Are you being mocked for your concerns and questions regarding the Doug Phillips’ resignation? I don’t know why I am so stunned at the insults and name calling flying left and right at those who question these teachings and the still unanswered questions. If you are getting the heat for this, hang in there. This amazing video is for you. It explains the phenomenon of the whistle blower. It might not make you feel much better but it will certainly help you understand why people don’t appreciate your warnings!

 

Click here to view the embedded video.

 

I know my list is not exhaustive but please add your thoughts and testimonies to the comments.

More help for discerning false teachers.

Excellent advice from Sallie on becoming a Berean. Share this one far and wide!!!

I had noticed them on other Sundays, sitting toward the back: attentive husband, impeccably dressed wife, both calmly waiting for the service to begin while everyone around them hurried to take their seats once the music began. But it wasn’t until this past week that I realized why they were special. Seated in my row, I could hear the wife struggling to breath and caught a glimpse of the man as he pulled a fresh clean washcloth from a bag and gently wiped her face. Suffering from some residual affects of an illness or accident, she had come to worship, raising her hands and singing as the man lovingly placed his arm around her, supporting and encouraging his bride. My heart was instantly touched by the tenderness they shared and I felt the tears coming. “This,” I thought, “is a faithful man.”

My guess is that he has never heard of Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips, Doug Wilson or the Bayly brothers. To him, a patriarch is named Abraham, Isaac, or Jacob.

During the 27 or so years that we have experienced the patriarchy movement, some of them up close and painfully personal, a picture was painted for us of what genuine godly manhood must be. I remember Clay’s face when he came home from his maiden voyage into patriarchy waters. The seminar was called Beards, Babies, and Bowel Movements, the latter two highly recommended and the former only allowed for Amish attendees. (You can’t make this stuff up.) Being the prophet, priest, and king of the home is a tough job but somebody has to do it. And someone has to charge you for the privilege of knowing how to do it.  Here is the checklist….for free:

The father is the only one who should teach older sons; he should not be employed but rather be or working toward becoming an entrepreneur so as not to build another man’s kingdom. He will give his sons land and remind them that they are part of his clan.

Though his wife might be knowledgeable of Scripture, he alone is to lead family Bible study and all spiritual or doctrinal questions are to be asked only of him. (I kind of liked this one on days when someone asked me things like “what IS a concubine” or “what’s with all those foreskins?”)

He is to direct all the education of children and prepare sons for the day when they will lead families of their own by helping them establish their own businesses. He trains his daughter for the day when she will be handed over to another man by making sure she is his junior “helpmeet” and understands that she has only one role and that is to fulfill her man’s calling from God. He orchestrates her courtship and betrothal, guaranteeing her physical and emotional purity in the process. He must be certain that his children are not rebellious because rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and the only way to avoid it is by the frequent and daily use of the rod.

He protects his wife from “false” teachings by limiting what she can read or hear or who she can have for friends because she is more easily deceived by Satan and might unwittingly wander into a website like Titus Two Lesbians.com.  He oversees the childbirth process, from start to finish, recognizing that his wife might die because “Biblical” principles might dictate such. His household must be in order, children all lined up, happy, and spit-shined when he comes home from work and his wife, possibly in pearls, available for hospitality, educating younger children, and sex whenever he demands it.

His home, rust-free 14 passenger van, and all household goods are paid for with cash. Any personal interests, recreation, and hobbies, especially video games, are the devil’s tools because idle hands are the devil’s play place and a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands (even for a Sunday afternoon nap because Sunday afternoons are for fellowship with other manly men at your FIC) will bring his family to poverty.

To make sure he remembers all of these things, a man will attend seminars, conferences (some of them requiring costumes and tights), and weekly men’s meetings where he will ponder over R. C. Sproul Jr. basement tapes or will read Rushdooney and devise ways to fulfill some other man’s 200 Year Plan. He will listen to Kevin Swanson radio while cleaning his gun and grow a beard, Bill Gothard not withstanding.

But now, even after all this, one of the most repeated mantras I am hearing in response to Doug Phillips’ resignation is this: “Judge not lest ye shall be judged…any of us could fall the same way at any time. If it happened to Doug Phillips, it can happen to any man.”

There is even more fear and pressure to perform when in reality I think most men, yes, most men, are faithful men!

Sure, they have temptations and struggle from time to time, probably mostly when their wives continually talk about modesty and point out all the things that aren’t modest.  And we all know the reason men become uncontrollable, sex crazed monsters is because of immodestly dressed women because passionate, patriarchal wives have told us so.

But I do not for a minute believe all men are on the brink of having an emotional or sexual relationship with other women.

And here is why. Because real men anticipate the dangers and if they entertain thoughts of adultery don’t teach seminars and carry on about the evils of homosexuality while thinking nothing of engaging in a long term romantic relationship with a another woman. Because they love their wives and children and sacrifice everything for them in real life ways without pretending they are on the Titanic. Because they purpose to walk with the Lord and seek to live lives of balance in the real world, putting real measures of accountability into place, first of all with their own wives. Because they are busy just trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage, find affordable health care, and put braces on their kids’ crooked teeth. Because they have wives who are true partners, sojourners beside them in spiritual battle, and their sisters in Christ who openly share their opinions and stretch marks one day at a time.

I have long been concerned that patriarchy’s model for godly manhood has become a poor substitute for real men who know that being faithful in the small things is the measure God uses for greatness. I hope and pray this is a wake-up call for those men still entrapped in this movement and their wives who are enabling if not promoting this madness.

 

Aging Rockers Pose As Teenagers To Hit Charts

LONDON (Reuters) - An aging UK rock group gave themselves a facelift by getting a group of teenagers to stand in for them on the video of their latest song, helping them score their first chart hit for some 15 years. Convinced the music industry is prejudiced against wrinkly rockers, The Alarm gave themselves the pseudonym The Poppyfields and persuaded a group of fresh-faced youths to mime their part.

"They did it to show they wanted to be judged on music and not on their image and haircuts of 15 years ago," said a spokesman for the band. The single, 45RPM, went into the UK charts this week at number 28. The Welsh band were previously best known for 1983 hit "68 guns" and said they pulled the stunt to show how much image affected sales in the music industry.

Hey, I liked The Alarm, so I'm all for them getting another hit record... but their "trick" reminded me of, well, me.

They didn't want to be judged on the basis of their image - and neither do I. I don't want for people to judge me based on being a church planter whose church closed, or a guy who can't fix his own car, or a "geek-y" guy who likes board games. (And those negative self-image issues are just skimming the top of my fears & foibles. I got a whole lot more in the grab bag where those came from.)

I want to be judged on the basis of who I am now... but even that's lacking. How many good things can I do to make up for every screwy thing I've ever done? How will I ever earn my way clear of my past, or people's positive and/or negative perceptions of me?

The answer is: not enough. I'm never going to be able to do it.

But God is... in Him, I am a new creation. Not "I've recreated my self" but "I'm re-created in Christ!" (2nd Corinthians 5:17) So I don't need a new image - I have an ever-new God. I have Jesus.

What about you? 

This post originally appeared as an article of The Grapevine, an e-newsletter of NewLife Community Church... way back in February of 2004.

 

Dominic immediately replied, "This boy does," and went about his business putting on his shoes.

The little boy said, "But boys don't dance. I don't dance."

To which Dominic said, "Some boys dance, and some don't. If a boy wants to dance, the boy dances. If a boy doesn't want to dance, he doesn't dance."

The little boy sat there for a while, nodded, then was off to play with his sister. I cannot tell you how proud I am of the person my son is becoming.

Definitely a reason to be cheerful.

I was reading a bit from "Farmer Boy," by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I had already cleaned the parlour, swept the floors and did some dishes. I had fed grandbaby and settled him down for his nap.  As I read, I was intrigued and inspired by how Ma and Pa Wilder industriously kept the farm.

There was certain heavy work that happened at specific seasons.  Ice was carved out and stacked in the ice house.  This was the main work at hand, for days, in addition to daily chores.  When the men finished with this, the ice was all set for the coming year.

 Later, in springtime, the maple trees were tended to.  Here in Vermont, this is a common event. Much of life stops while the sap is "running."  The sap is gathered and boiled and processed.  For Mother Wilder, much of it became cakes of maple sugar.  The rest was saved in jugs as the year's supply of syrup!

Oh, then it was time for the entire house to be cleaned! The carpets were un-tacked and taken outside to be cleaned.  The rooms were emptied and washed and scrubbed!  They were also whitewashed and made ready for the next season.   

While Pa worked with the fields, in his workshop, in the barns, and kept busy with his chores. Ma made large, delicious meals and kept a lovely home.  Ma also had a workroom where she kept a loom and made the family's clothes!

Well, this all got me thinking. . . And all I wanted to do was dust the house, sweep the rooms and vacuum the carpets! I wanted to wash windows and then take a little rest before I started the great task of preparing the evening meal.  These were just little jobs.  These are jobs that are re-done on a regular basis. But as each task is "done," there is a sense of pride for the hard work being accomplished to make home a happy, special place.

These are the pleasant hours we spend at home, doing the housework. 

blessings
Mrs. White

* Do you have your own copy of Laura's book? I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!  For information, or to order, please use my amazon affiliate link -  Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder. *


From the Archives:

Days full of Good deeds for Mother and children - Mother's Benevolent Society.

Here are the details on the latest publication at "The Legacy of Home." - Mother's Book of Home Economics.

For the very bad days of Motherhood. - Trouble with Teenagers.






An Invitation - Subscribe to The Legacy of Home and have it delivered directly to your email. 

Last weekend, my wife and I went searching…

We ditched town and ventured into unknown places across the Flint Hills of Kansas.  If you have never actually been in Kansas, I assure you it is unfairly represented.  It’s solitude and peacefulness can be stunning.  We woke up to catch the sun rise.  We drove through nature reserves on long gravel roads.  We stopped at lonely cemeteries and long forgotten schoolhouses.

Our little adventure reminded me of a search that so many people seem to be going on.  It is that search to find ourselves.  I suppose the quest to find ourselves means something different to everyone.

But something struck me as we sped along endless roads and stared at faraway horizons.  No matter how far I traveled or how hard I searched, I would never be able to “find” myself.”  Our selves are not some treasure, locked in some treasure chest.

If we are going to find the selves we are meant to be, we have to be even more active than the intrepid explorer…

We have to create ourselves.

Creating ourselves does not require a long journey away from home.  But it is a lifelong quest.  We do it every day, bit by bit.  Some of us do it quite on accident.  Others spend their whole lives looking when they ought to be making.  

Me?  I’m not nearly done.  I have a long way to go.  I’m still a half lumpy wad of clay that’s being formed.

Yep, that picture is my wife, just last weekend.

What are you doing?  Searching…or making?

Sharing is what friends do:

My feelings exactly!

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. George Will

©2009-2013 Through the Calm and Through the Storm. All rights reserved. Photos and content may not be reproduced. http://throughthecalmandthroughthestorm.blogspot.com

 

Last week’s resignation and confession of having engaged in an “inappropriately romantic and affectionate relationship with a woman” by Vision Forum founder and president, Doug Phillips, should have been more stunning than it was to the homeschooling community. Though a few sycophants have labeled him their “fallen hero,” many have pronounced it a long time coming; others observed that these are the expected fruits when there is little to no accountability.  Was I surprised at Phillips’ confession? Not exactly. I have an email folder full of similar stories of unfaithfulness and abuse perpetrated by “godly men” who have followed patriocentrists over the cliff to family destruction.

In the past few years, as more and more people have been exposed to Phillips’ “Biblical patriarchy” and its companion family integrated church movement, I have been amazed at the acceptance of their extremes in the evangelical community and the unwillingness to call out these teachings as legalistic,extrabiblical, and even dangerous. They have done and continue to do damage to the entire body of Christ in spite of the “ such a lovely family” window dressings and whether anyone wants to admit it or not. Maybe this will serve as a wake up call for those who have yet to experience the fruits of these abhorrent teachings.

I do not know what to make of Phillips’ letter of resignation and certainly cannot assess its sincerity or truthfulness. What does “lengthy” mean? 6 months? 1 year? 6 years? There is a world of difference between a romantic attraction and a long-term relationship. For some reason it was important to tell us that he didn’t “know the woman in the biblical sense” yet in his world, emotional impurity, ie, having a crush on someone, requires confession and repentance and has given many parents grounds to declare their children to be rebellious. And why did he resign only from Vision Forum Ministries and his speaking engagements while maintaining his role in the business side of his operation? Why is he still listed as an elder on his church’s website? These are legitimate questions and those who ask them should not be condemned for doing so. He has established himself as a public figure in the homeschooling community; it is too late to scream for a right to privacy. In the end, even though its ripple affect has been felt all across the homeschooling community, there are only two people who know and can define this infidelity and, hopefully, they are willing to receive and follow genuine godly counsel as well as church discipline. Scripture tells us it is not true admonishment unless the goal is restoration, the means is gentleness, and the fruit is bearing another’s burden (Galatians 6:1-2), so we must pray for those things to happen. We must pray for his wife and children and for a marriage and family to be restored. And we cannot forget to pray for healing for the woman Phillips has been involved with. (more on this in part two)

But desiring these good outcomes does not negate the need to remind others of the dangers within the patriarchy paradigm. If anything, it is past time to challenge the church to clearly examine the teachings within the patriarchy, family integrated church, and militant fecundity movements and warn each other of their dangers. Being remorseful for sin is useless unless one also repents of the root sins (beliefs) that preceded it. 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 makes the appropriate observation: “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.”

Look at the teachings that have come out of patriocentricity, especially in the last 6 or so years. Teaching that men are the prophets, priests, and kings of their homes, daughters are helpmeets to their fathers, women are here primarily to fulfill the creation mandate and are expendable if threatened with ectopic pregnancies, women do not have their own callings from the Lord but rather are to fulfill a man’s calling, and a strident hierarchy that hearkens back to the antebellum south, these are just the tip of the ice berg. They certainly reveal a heart attitude toward women that can lead to unfaithfulness to a wife and broken dreams for a younger woman taken as a mistress, emotional or physical. Though many are spinning it otherwise what has been taught and promoted by the patriarchs absolutely does matter and absolutely can lead to adultery! “As a man thinks in His heart, so he is.” (Proverbs 23:7) Any “clearing of yourself” must include repentance for these and many other wrong interpretations of Scripture that have lead to the destruction of countless families who bought into the Vision Forum paradigm. Until we hear these as part of any confession, restoration cannot take place.

Since I have spent a lot of time already discussing the problems within the patriarchy movement on this blog(use the search feature for related articles), let me particularly encourage you to pass along these links for further study for those who are coming late to the party. Be prepared to help other homeschooling families who will be looking at these things with more discernment and wisdom in the days to come.

Free podcasts:

Patriarchy and Patriocentricity Series One

Patriarchy and Patriocentricity Series Two

Militant Fecundity

Family Integrated Church Movement

 

Excellent article by homeschool dad and attorney Tim Swanson:

Patriarchy, Christian Reconstructionsim, and White Supremacy

 

I took my daughter to get her braces this week.

[These awkward/embarrassing stories always start out so normally, don't they?]

The appointment lasted for over an hour, and while I waited in the waiting room, I occasionally saw the nurse come and ask other moms if they would like to come back to see what was being done to their child.

So, when a nurse appeared almost an hour into the appointment, looked at me, and said, “Are you ready?” naturally I thought she meant “Are you ready for me to show you to your daughter?”. So I said I was ready and followed her back.

[Oh, Hindsight. How you mock me!]

Only she didn’t show me to my daughter at all. She showed me to an empty chair. And she said, “Have a seat. The doctor will be right here to get started on your braces.”

[See, this is the awkward part.]

And you know those moments when you find yourself at a crossroads? When you have to make a decision about which way to play a misstep? Like when someone you don’t recognize approaches you and starts chatting it up, and you must decide in that spit second to either A) pretend you remember them, or B) come clean and ask them to remind you who in the world they are.

So, I’m standing there thinking, “Well… actually my teeth have been shifting…”

[This here is another one of those moral dilemmas, for those playing along.]

But being the honest person I am, I shifted my weight a couple of times and stammered out that I wasn’t a patient, and I had only followed her because I thought she was taking me to my daughter.

That’s when I got the “now I have to walk all the way back to the waiting room” icy stare from the annoyed nurse, and I had to do the walk of shame back to my seat.

And that concludes the story of I almost accidentally got braces.

 

Gosh… I sure love how God paints nature in the fall.

I shared my abortion story awhile back.  Please check out my Abortion Recovery section to read the posts related.  That day doesn’t haunt me in the same way anymore because God has turned one of the most horrible acts into an opportunity to bring healing to hurting hearts.  And I’m incredibly grateful.

Today, I want to share about four stunning times God had me share my story, though I was incredibly unwilling, so women could find peace.

I want to tell you these little snippets because I want you to know that if you are willing to obey the Spirit, He could very well shock you and shake a heart in a way that will leave them confident God was involved.  I want you to pray about sharing your journey of healing, whatever it may be.

I had my abortion at the age of nineteen.  I was incredibly young.   I found healing two years later (most women suffer in their shame much, much longer).

My abortion recovery was tied to my salvation and so it took me awhile to realize that my quick healing was unusual.  It didn’t take me long to see that God had plans for that timeline.

These next stories may sound made up.  They aren’t, though.  If I hadn’t experienced them myself, I would doubt them, so I don’t blame you.  Yet, I state with all my heart that each one happened as I tell it.  Actually, they are even more amazing, if I told you the other person’s side, but those are not my stories to tell.

Each time, I found myself weeping afterwards, so incredibly moved and humbled that God would choose to use me for His glory.

May He do the same again today.

One night, I walked in the dark from my late class at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock to find a note on my windshield.  Almost immediately after my recovery, I bought a bumper sticker that said “Abortion stops a beating heart.”  Since that fact was so hidden from me before my abortion, I wanted it in plain view for others. 

The note said “I love your bumper sticker” and had a woman’s name and phone number.  I thought it was pretty unusual for someone to leave their name and number just for something like that, but I called anyway.  The woman reaffirmed what she said and I shared my purpose for it.

We didn’t talk long, but the entire time she talked, I felt the Holy Spirit pressing on my spirit: tell her your story.  She kept talking.  I kept feeling the incredible urgency to share, but refused.  We hung up.  The pressing really became more of a pushing.

A strong pushing.

Minutes later, I called her back.  I had no peace and the thought that I was supposed to tell her my story was so strong that I couldn’t resist without feeling like I was being disobedient.  So, I apologized for calling her back.

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I am supposed to tell you this.  The real reason I have that bumper sticker.  See… a little over two years ago…”

I told her everything.  The abortion.  The relationship addiction.  The dying inside for an unknown feeling.  They weeping in church.  The fetal development models.  The night on the floor in my apartment.  The Bible study.

All of it.  Quickly, because I was seriously embarrassed to be talking about this without her invitation to do so.

After I stopped talking, I fully expected her to say, “Well, um.  Ok.  Thanks for sharing.”

Instead, I heard weeping.

She just cried and cried.  I just sat there with a very awkward silence for a bit.  Then, I said, “I guess my story resonates with you?  How can I help?”  We talked for a bit more after that and she hung up with the phone number for the Women in Ramah contact.

One day after going through lesson plans as a student teacher in Texas, I listened to a full fledged teacher talk about her day.  We were alone in a classroom.  That “pushing” came back that I was to tell her my story.  I could have died.

I was a student teacher, only twenty-two years old.  This woman was married, with children, and “much older” than me.

It was comedic, actually.  She was talking and talking, all the while I was arguing with God.  He would press, “Tell her.” I would say, “No way.”  

He would press, “Tell her.” I would say, “No way.”  You get the picture.  Back and forth.

Finally, I said, “Umm… I know this sounds crazy, but if you have a few minutes, I believe I need to tell you something.”

I shared my story, mortified the entire time.

Her face was stoic until the very end, then she started bawling.

Tears were streaming down her face even faster than the mascara rolled after them.  I remember handing her tissues while I picked my jaw up from the floor.

Then she told her story.  It was heartbreaking.  Heart.breaking.  Seriously.

I won’t share her abortion story, but know that she was/is a Christian and had been bearing her shame for decades.

She wouldn’t join a group so I gave her my copy of Women in Ramah.  I pray she found forgiveness and healing.

One evening after a full day of teaching my first year as a married woman, I was visiting with a new friend at her house. That familiar “pushing” showed up as well as that familiar dread.

“Surely, LORD, not with this woman.  I just met her and we will be seeing each other often.  Oh, please, not really!!”

Again, there was no denying that I could either be obedient and share my story, or walk away with my pride intact, but in disobedience.

Sigh.

“I know this sounds crazy, but I believe I am supposed to tell you this….”

Again, I found myself consoling a woman whose grief from her abortion was shoved way down and who believed forgiveness was impossible.   A woman who attended church regularly.

One afternoon while chatting on my sofa with a young mom from a community Bible study, that stinkin’ pushing came back.  I had invited this sweet girl over because she didn’t have many Christian friends and we had just started talking.  I was aghast that He wanted me to share again.

You would think that I would have had confidence in these situations because every time He pressed on my spirit to share, He had a hurting woman before me.  Nope.  Not confident at all.

Far from it, actually.

So… the sweet woman talked and I argued with God.

Guess who lost?

“I know this sounds crazy, but I believe I am supposed to tell you this…”

Not only did she start weeping and share her story (which makes me cry even now, fifteen years later), but as the tears streamed down her precious face, she said the words that stick with me to this day:

“Can God really forgive me?  Even for this?”

Yes, He can and He wants to.  Today.  

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  I John 1:9

I was honored to have her in my Women in Ramah group.  It was a privilege to watch her accept the forgiveness and Peace that Passes All Understanding.  It was a blessing to see her countenance change.

Is God pushing you? 

There are women carrying unbelievable shame and guilt from abortion.  They sit next to you at church.  They serve along side you in ministry.  They sing praise to God in the pew next to you.

They also weep and grieve and beat themselves up.  At church.  In ministry.  In the pew next to you.

Pray for them.  Pray that God brings them the truth of forgiveness once a person is in Christ.  Pray that they read in Scripture that every single sin is forgiven.  Pray that they walk in Truth.

Nothing accept denying Christ is unforgivable.

How grateful am I that God made that real in my life?  Pretty stinkin’ grateful.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

How humbled was/am I that God made that real in my life too?  Pretty stinkin’ humbled.

Does He have a story for you to share?  Pray and ask Him.

And don’t be surprised if you get a push.  Or four.

 

I wrote this post three years ago. I’m reposting it today because it’s Halloween again and lots of Christians still boycott this holiday. I get it. I really do. That’s how I was raised. Here’s why I changed my mind about Halloween.

Boycotting Halloween is like all popular now. When I was a kid, we were the only family in our entire neighborhood whose house went dark on Halloween. Because, you know, Halloween is a pagan, evil holiday and Christians shouldn’t celebrate it ‘cuz that’s like Jews celebrating Hitler’s birthday.

We didn’t even pass out Gospel tracks like those Christians who see evangelistic outreach potential in every single holiday. And we certainly weren’t going to throw a faux Halloween church party called a “Fall Festival.” Because that was COMPROMISING WITH THE WORLD, yo.

So, we did the most Christian thing and cowered in our darkened home, praying we wouldn’t get tricked. Or, you know, persecuted for righteousness’ sake.

But now? Now it seems like all kinds of Christians–and not just fundamentalists–boycott Halloween.

The common reasoning seems to be that Halloween, an originally “pagan holiday,” was “Christianized” by Catholics–yet another example, fundamentalists like to say, of Catholics corrupting true, pure Christian faith.

As an adult, I realize our boycott of Halloween had more to do with anti-Catholic sentiment than actual historical fact. Back then, I didn’t even think Catholics were Christians.

Now that I know the Catholic Church isn’t, in fact, leading millions of souls to Hell, imagine my surprise in discovering that “the origins of Halloween are, in fact, very Christian and rather American.”

When I was a fundamentalist, I never even stopped to ask what the word Halloween meant.

Hallow=holy
e’en= contraction for the word ‘evening’

Thus, Halloween means the holy evening before All Saints Day.

All of which to say, I would probably still be a fundamentalist if it weren’t for the Internets.

Furthermore, so what if Christians “Christianize” things? That doesn’t alloy our faith. Christianizing is what Christians do. I mean, if we’re gonna get really technical–didn’t Christians “Christianize” the Jewish faith?

And anyway, who decided that the goal of life is to avoid all things pagan? If that’s the case, I guess we better come up with a different name for Thursday since it was named after the god Thor.

Of course, Halloween has become a largely secular holiday with widespread overtones of the occult. But that doesn’t mean Halloween needs to be boycotted altogether. It just means that a lot of mainstream Christians have allowed pre-Christian superstition about the dead to takeover what should be a redemptive holiday.

It’s possible to celebrate Halloween without glorifying the secular aspects of this particular holiday. The true celebration of Halloween should be about acknowledging our mortality–followed by remembering those who have gone before us on All Saints Day.

It’s possible to celebrate and enjoy Halloween if you can, like I had to, overcome the reflexively anti-Catholic perspective that was ingrained into my Protestant DNA.

I really hope more Christians don’t boycott Halloween this year because me and my five kiddos are going trick-or-treating and guess what? We don’t want a Gospel pamphlet.

WE WANT CANDY!

Although if you pass out Mint Milanos instead? I’ll totally say GOD BLESS YOU!

*******DISCLAIMERS!*********

1. One buggy thing about Halloween is all the stupid, sexy costumes. On TODDLERS.
2. It’s even worse for tweens. My 11 year old wears tween sizes now and seriously, these are the options:
3. Sexy witch.
4. Sexy ladybug.
5. Sexy pumpkin.
6. At one point she was all: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO APPROPRIATE?
7. Her words.
8. See? It’s not just moms who don’t want sexy kid costumes. Even my KID doesn’t want sexy.
9. We finally found something.
10. But next year? I’m so totally sewing the costumes.
11. Um. I have 5 kids. I better start sewing NOW. Ack!

Cooldude is an amazing boy. He has such a compassionate and caring heart. He had been studying all afternoon, and had had enough! As I called for Miss Tanzi to brush teeth and get in bed, he said " I'll read her a good night story." I was like ..... " Son,are you sure?" 

As the nation's schools undergo a wave of teacher retirements, some 25% of teachers have only five or fewer years in the classroom, "a precipitous decline" in experience since the late 1980s, when the typical teacher had 15 years' experience, according to a study by the National Commission on Teaching & America's Future, a Washington, D.C. nonprofit advocating teacher quality.

That may explain why some 43% of parents report being "extremely worried" about their kids' elementary-school teacher assignments, according to a poll last month of 306 parents by CafeMom, a social-networking and community website.

Dread of August: The Kids' Teacher Assignments | By SUE SHELLENBARGER | Aug. 6, 2013

This generation of teachers has been trained in pure constructivism.

According to Robert Slavin, direct instruction hard been all but dropped from teacher training by 1991.

We did some more experiments with air last week. First we made a boat without a sail and tried to see how well it moved (in our bathtub). Then after adding the sail, saw how well we could move it. Talked about how the surface area of the sail gives the air more push power. Then we attempted to make a pinwheel wench (wind up) out of a cardboard pinwheel on a straw rotating freely around a dowell stretched between two clothespins. Our pinwheel wasn’t very uniform so it didn’t turn as well as we would hope, but we watched the video of the guy using his and could tell that ‘air can lift things’. Hehe.
Last, we made a balloon rocket attached to a straw that shot along a wire/string. Its really hard to see in the photo, but its about halfway to Nate and Benjamin. Hannah loved the fact that it would go “uphill”. We shot it multiple times.

You know that message you sent to someone where you said something as simple as "I'm thinking about you" or "I'm praying for you" and you thought it wasn't much? 

We finished Core B in a year, a record for us. After that we took some time off and started Core C at the end of Sept this year.

This is our forth set of Sonlight curriculum, I was expecting smooth sailing but it has not progress as well as I planed. Main stumbling block - SCIENCE! Suprised! Den has always loves science, so this is indeed a suprise.

Core C should goes with Science C but i choose to skip Science C and jump right into Science D. I make the decision on using Core D science instead of Core C science due to two reasons:

1. Last year, Core B science was too easy for Den;

2. We will be doing Core D+E after Core C and the suggested science is Core E science, so I thought instead of skipping Core D science, we can do It this year.

I would not said it was a mistake but definitely a challenge.

Main reason - the language used in the first two books - Real Science for Kids: Biology Level 1 and the Lyrical Life Science (optional) are difficult. A lot of scientific terms and rather dry.

In three weeks of science, it has covered kingdom classification, different type of cells, Monotremes, Marsupials, carnivores, Pinnipeds etc etc...I would not even bother to go in the detail of the cells!

We struggle for the first few weeks and now we kind of find a way into it - I don't read out the text word by word. Instead, I read them first then I explain to Den in my own language. It kind of works for us. However we are still very much behind in schedule. Our history and Readaloud has been very much ahead of our science. So I actually have to have a week or two of only science week.

The main reason of why we are so behind is because I choose to use the optional books - Lyrical Life Science ol 1 & 2. Some week we have to cover 4-5 chapter a week. That's a lot.

Even though it take up a lot of time I will still suggest whoever is using Science D use the optional books as well. Real Science by it self is very boring with lots of scientific term and not much explanation and example. On the other hand Lyrical Life Science gives too much detail.

So what I do is we read Real Science together (word by word) and Den will do the worksheet. I will only explain/summarize the Lyrical Life Science, listen to the song that come with every chapter and do the worksheet orally together.

I also make visual aids to help Den remember some of the main point. Some of the aids we make:
 
Den painted different type of cells:

It took us three weeks just to go through Sceince week 3 alone!

Week 4 has another 5 chapters of Lyrical Life Science! Good news is no more Real Science in week 4 &5, instead we have the child friendly Mystery and Marvel of Nature! Yes!


I suppose I can understand the reasoning behind all the difficult sciencetific term. We has been studying animals and marvel at their uniqueness since pre-k and now it is time to introduce to student how the scientist look at the animals - thus kingdom classification. But boy oh boy, it is a tough jump! I'm walking very cautiously now, I want Den to continue to love science and appreciate how difficult and clever of the scientists in classifing the animals and not to be permanently put off by it.

The rest of the Core C - history, geography and Readaloud are just good. We especially enjoy the Geography song. Den and I now can name and correctly point to some of the country in Middle East. That is an achievement for someone who actually thought Africa is a country (me...not Den).

We also participate in this year Mission India. This is our third time and we enjoy as much as the first.

Well, it's safe to say that Exam Week was a huge success! I am so excited, and I plan to do a more detailed post about Exam Week tomorrow. But this evening I want to focus on Reece! She is showing some new levels of thinking, or perhaps the thinking has always been there, and she's just now able to express it? I'm not sure, but it's got us all completely amazed!

The first thing happened during our first day of Exams. Since we do Bible together, I decided to have the kids do their Bible Exam together. The question was "Describe the Fruits of the Spirit and what they mean to you personally." We had just finished the book of Galatians so I figured this would be something they would be able to answer with ease, especially since we had memorized the Fruits of the Spirit verse a long time ago.

I began with Austin and then we moved in order of age. The big kids' answers were nice and thoughtful. Then I turned to Reece:

"I think of the Fruits of the Spirit as being like a puzzle. You really need to have all of them in place working together. If you are struggling with one of the pieces, then you really can't get the whole picture of who you are in Christ."

::silence::

::jaw drop::

Riley was the first to speak. "Just get out of here, Reece. You make the rest of us look bad!" LOL

The other thing happened later that evening after dance. Her teacher came out to tell me that Reece had had a problem during the class. Apparently the girls weren't very focused. It's costume week, and that is very common - the kids are all dressed up and it's Halloween week and it's a little crazy! So the teacher got serious with the girls. Reece does NOT do well with any sort of correction (even if it's not directed towards her) and she takes a small raising of the voice and a serious tone to be "yelling".

On the way home, I talked to her about the class and what happened. She had remained very upset for a good 30 minutes after the class.

She said, "I don't know why adults think that yelling works with kids. All it does is show that the adult is as out-of-control as the kids!"

Wow. Color me convicted. I DO yell, unfortunately. Way more than I want to. It's something I have been working on and praying about. And she's absolutely right! It's just me being completely out-of-control!

She really is amazing me each and every day! She thinks so deeply and is so full of emotion and love for others. I wonder if she would like a diary to write down her thoughts?!