You know, got to weigh the positives against the negatives.
You know, got to weigh the positives against the negatives.
Click clack bang bang Judith in dat murda bidnis
Judith slaying Holofernes (c. 1614-1620), Artemisia Gentileschi / Murda Bizness, Iggy Azalea ft. T.I.
"His sense of humor is attributed to little coincidences, like seeing balloons when talking about balloons."
WHO WOULD YOU RATHER INVITE TO A PARTY, GOD or SATAN ?
WHAT THEY’D BRING:
GOD: A huge list of rules to ruin all of the fun for everyone.
SATAN: Probably a giant bag of skulls to help decorate.
WHAT THEY’D TALK ABOUT:
GOD: Odds are he’d spend the entire time complaining about how he had kids waaay too early.
SATAN: Still an unattached bachelor, he’d probably talk about all the gnarly sins he gets to hear about all day.
SENSE OF HUMOR:
GOD: His sense of humor is attributed to little coincidences, like seeing balloons when talking about balloons.
SATAN: He’ll explain how he quartered a degenerate gambler on a giant roulette table.
GOD: He’ll stumble outside and set your bushes on fire.
SATAN: HE PLAYS THE FIDDLE.
WOULD THEY HELP CLEAN UP:
GOD: Do you have flood insurance?
SATAN: Do you have fire insurance?
Me: Just to remind you that, as we discussed, I’m sending my invoice a couple of days early because I’m going away on holiday. It still has the same deadline though - I’m just getting all my admin sorted before I go.
Client: What you really mean is that you need spending money for your holiday?
Me: No, not at all. I’m just getting everything sorted before I leave. The invoice isn’t due until a couple of days after I get back.
Client: It’s okay. You don’t need to get defensive. I’ll pay your invoice this afternoon, as long as you tell your kids that Uncle Client is the one paying for their ice creams.
Me: I think I’ll tell them that mummy is paying for their ice creams by providing a copywriting service that people pay for.
Client: Ha! Yes, you tell them that if it makes you feel better.
I assume this is real but am not fact-checking it
Imma just let this sit here
MOTHA FUCKIN SCIENCE
They turned RNA into an anti-virus program. That is amazing.
Let me restate this in case it didn’t sink in the first time
Researchers physically DELETED ALL TRACES of the HIV virus from a human cell.
ALL OF IT.
IF YOU ARE NOT EXCITED ABOUT THAT I DON’T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT HIV IS
Napoleon doesn’t know what they want from him
Napoleon Bonaparte in his study at the Tuileries (1812), Jacques-Louis David / Mo Money Mo Problems, Notorious B.I.G. ft. Mase, Puff Daddy
My bad, Zeus, I’m sorry I have offended THEE, please don’t fuck me up with a thunderbolt or whatever.
Look, at this point, only complete bigots (in America) bother self identifying as “patriots,” so, you know.
A few hours after the site went live.
Client: I don’t see us on the Google. Shouldn’t the Google be impressed with my website??
Me: No matter what we do, it still takes time to index. The site should start appearing within a month or so. Your brand is very unique.
Client: That’s not fast enough. Should I call the Google?
Me: …You can try.
Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of the Notorious B.I.G.’s “Juicy,” the very, very important first single from his very, very important first album, ‘Ready to Die.’ Given the song’s gravity, and gi…
HAPPENING NOW (9.24.14): The situation in Ferguson is escalating quickly. Protests continue, following this morning’s burning of a Mike Brown memorial, and another frustrating Ferguson City Council meeting.Looks like the same “antagonize over de-escalate” tactics are back online. Prayers to all those out in the street of Ferguson right now fighting for their right to exist. #staywoke #farfromover (PT I, PT II, PT III)
Bringing back the dogs, choppers, charging the crowd, attempting to bottleneck protesters into an area, AND live shots possible fired into the crowd… what the ever-living fuck is Ferguson PD trying to do?! We’re a month and a half into this saga, and they still don’t know how to de-escalate a situation. Pray y’all. That might be all we got right now.
Not quite a client from hell but a story of a boss from hell that involved a freelancer.
The old boss at an agency I worked was working on some copy for a website and had sent it to a freelance copywriter to make changes and polish it up. My old boss was a perfectionist and believed that he could do anybody’s job in the agency better than they could.
The freelancer sent him a revised Word Document and discussed over a (loud) speakerphone. The conversation between the freelancer and my old boss went like this (in earshot of the entire office):
Boss: I just read the copy you sent through.
Freelancer: Oh yeah? What feedback do you have?
Boss: It is quite possibly the worst written piece of crap I have ever read. Nothing makes any sense and it feels like it has been written by a 3 year old.
Boss: I don’t know how you can call yourself a ‘copywriter’ if you can’t even spell. Most of these words don’t mean anything relevant to this project and I feel that I have wasted my time hiring you for a job you quite clearly can’t do! Once again I have to do these things myself.
A slight pause.
Freelancer: The document I sent has not been changed from the original you sent me. I only added a couple of questions in red at the end that needed answering before I could proceed.
After a long pause my old boss rather sheepishly made his excuses and ended the call. We didn’t see him again for the rest of the day
Brian Kemp, Asshole of the Day for September 23, 2014
Today is National Voter Registration Day. And as I’ve said before, if you don’t think all citizens should be able to vote, then you are un-American:
If you believe in democracy, then you believe that every vote counts the same and that the more people who participate the better.
If you would rather try to keep people from voting than try to convince them of your platform, well, you really don’t care about democracy or voting.
And if you’re trying to keep people from voting, then please stop quoting the Declaration of Independence, since the high crime of taxation without representation would necessarily apply to all the people you are trying to prevent from voting, while still expecting them to pay sales tax, income tax, property tax, and the rest. Because without voting, there is no representation.
So I don’t have much patience for people who worry about too many minorities voting, as Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp does:
You know the Democrats are working hard, and all these stories about them, you know, registering all these minority voters that are out there and others that are sitting on the sidelines, if they can do that, they can win these elections in November,” Kemp said in his speech. “But we’ve got to do the exact same thing.”
"Everybody remembers ACORN right? When ACORN was out registering people to vote they were filling out applications, they were sending out stuff and you don’t know who those people are, where they’re from, the people they’re registering, and the people that are filling those out," Kemp said earlier in the speech. Kemp went on to tout online voter registration which, he said, reduces a number of voter fraud loopholes.
When I hear him worry about Democrats registering minorities, I keep asking— why are people like him so worried about minority voters? Why do they assume minorities won’t vote for them? Why do they assume minority voters should scare the audience they are addressing?
It’s hard not to think it’s racism. He’s racist, or he’s playing to racial fears of his audience. And let’s be honest— does it matter whether you are a racist in your heart of hearts if you play to the racial fears of others to advance your own career and agenda? Probably not. You enabled racism and you fanned it in others.
Guys like Brian Kemp are afraid of minority voters, not because they dispute that they are entitled to vote, but because they are sure they won’t vote for them. And why wouldn’t minorities vote for guys like Brian Kemp? Is it because their policies harm minorities? Because Georgia is one of those states that refuses to expand Medicaid, and Medicaid will help a lot of minorities get health insurance?
And as Secretary of State, Brian Kemp oversees voting in his state. And he’s dragging his feet about accepting all these people Democrats registered:
At a hearing in front of the Georgia Elections Board, the Secretary of State’s office revealed their reasoning for their voter fraud-claiming media deluge last week. It was 25 voter registration applications out of 85,000 submitted that were giving it pause. These applications had already been flagged by Stacey Abrams’s group, The New Georgia Project, but they were required to submit them anyway. Also revealed in this meeting was that 51,000 of the 85,000 hadn’t been processed even though most were submitted months ago.
Yep. He’s trying to stop 51,000 people from voting because 25 look suspicious, even though the people who submitted them flagged them as suspicious. So he could investigate those 25, and move on the rest. But he’d rather not. He’s worried that those people might not vote with him, even though they are legally entitled to. And for that, he is the Asshole of the Day.
It is Brian Kemps’s first time as Asshole of the Day, but one of several from Georgia featured in the last 2 weeks:
Full story: Talking Points Memo.
Soundtrack 2 the furies
Orestes pursued by the Furies (c. 1862), William-Adolphe Bouguereau / Soundtrack 2 My Life, KiD CuDi
I was once put on the naughty step by an agency I freelanced for. Everyone in the building was working like Roman galley slaves, constantly under pressure, literally seven days a week, putting in stupid hours every day. It was great for my bank balance but family life took a major hit.
Anyway, the boss recognised that things were getting out of hand (especially freelance costs – who’d have thought it?) so he sent round a memo entitled “Work/life balance.” It basically thanked everyone for putting in so much effort and time to help the business, and said that he realised things were going too far and that something had to be done (the first thing would have been to stop telling clients they could have the moon on a stick by 6pm).
That was sort of ok. But then the email said:
“Most importantly, we need to find a way to solve the problem of our work/life balance. So if you could all have a think about it over the weekend and get back to me with some ideas on Monday, that will be a great start.”
They never forgave me for how loud I laughed when I read it.