Today in coolness: Get your tweets out of my Facebook!
IS THIS JAY Z BE HONEST
hoping everyone else likes these at least half as much as i do, else i suppose i can stop sharing them
La Vie Part II
La Vie (1903), Pablo Picasso / Confessions Part II, Usher
Members of Congress are living off food stamps for a week to protest Republican cuts. It’s a challenge for them, but GOP cuts would hurt millions of everyday Americans.
Why does this not have more publicity. This needs it!
I want a reality tv show where politicians have to live in poverty for a month. They have to live in Government housing, shop with food stamps, and get only a limited amount of money for clothes. Because here, they still have all their trappings, lilke nice cars and thousand dollar suits. I want them in Walmart jeans trying to determine if they can afford a carton of milk.
Give them a full calendar year. I want to see them confident in January, and sometime around June choking back tears at the Safeway because they are tired, so tired, of eating 25 cent cup noodles, eyeing other peoples’ full grocery carts with a dull bewilderment.
Let me see them despair because they have a persistent nagging cough that won’t go away and might be turning into pneumonia but the minute clinic is $60, which might as well be as six million dollars, either way they ain’t got it to spare - and that doesn’t count the cost of prescriptions. Let me hear them tell people about the muscle cramps they get at night due to eating non-nutritious garbage for months, the weakness from persistent hunger.
Let them know the shame and frustration of only owning one pair of cheap polyester pants for work and one pair of thrift-store jeans, and both persistently have ripped crotches and seams coming undone, no matter how many times they get sewn back up.
Let the women know the particular sort of despair that comes once a month when you can’t afford even the cheapest pads or tampons.
Let them understand the frustration of being charged a $35 fee for a $2 overdraft. Let them watch as the bank holds charges from different days in “pending” till they all come through on the same day, and the bank charges them four times for a single overdraft because “the charges all cleared at the same time”.
I want them to know the particular pain of having to decide between food for the week, or transportation costs to and from work. You can’t have both. Choose wisely.
You do not truly understand poverty until you’ve lived it and a month isn’t enough to encompass it. Not even close.
I have $7000 in medical bills this year because I let something go untreated for nine years because I couldn’t afford it. When I broke my hand I refused to go to the doctor because I couldn’t afford it - it wasn’t until my manager swore up and down that worker’s comp would cover it that I even considered going - and there were pieces of bone sticking out of my hand. I once walked on a broken foot for a year. A year. Because my boss wouldn’t let me have the time off to let it heal properly and my job required being on my feet for 8+hours a day. And that fucking foot kept starting to heal and then re-fracturing all over again. Spaghetti makes me sick to my stomach because I ate it every fucking day for months on end because pasta and tomato sauce are CHEAP, but there was no meat and no veggies, so it didn’t really do me any good.
Sometimes I buy things I don’t need just to prove to myself that I can. And sometimes I go crazy and buy bags of things for the homeless shelter and the food bank because Jesus, do people need it and I have a little extra to spare now. Sometimes I hoard things, like soap and food and old clothes that I don’t like and will never wear again, because what if I need it in the future and can’t afford it?
Sometimes I remember being so poor that my power was turned off and my bank account was negative and I had nothing in the kitchen but ramen noodles and canned beans and god only knew how I was going to scrape together $475 to pay the rent on my shitty apartment and the lingering stress makes me start to cry.
Rice for a whole winter, except weekends when my boyfriend came down and took me out, and margarine—forget butter—for it only rarely, so I couldn’t eat white rice for forty years. Pasta and soup with maybe a burger on payday as my only meat. No dental work, so my teeth are an ongoing trainwreck. Living in one-room studio apartments in residential hotels for a decade because we couldn’t afford a real apartment or utilities. And yes to all the bank crap.
I want the Congresscritters to live through a year of THAT before they vote on programs for the poor.
I remember going through things like this as a child. Being so hungry that you’re blacking out and collapsing. There’s actually too many things that went on for me to list but I do remember the worst thing being that you’re made to pay fees if you cant afford something like not paying your bills on time. You;re charged for being poor. You actually have to pay money because you’re poor.
Newton Le Willows library is fizzing with great books
My client was a grocery store chain. I showed them a photograph of a cross-section of a cantaloupe.
Client: But we’re selling whole cantaloupes, not half ones.
Me: Okay, then we’ll need to shoot a whole cantaloupe.
Client: That’s ridiculous, just turn the photo around and show the other side.
I know a lot of our readers are probably younger than us, so I think it’s time I dispense some sage advice that you all might have heard before but have not truly taken to heart. So come on, take an eSit on Pappy Tony’s eKnee (this is the internet you cannot actually sit on my knee, it does not work that way and I am sorry.)
Nobody knows what they’re doing. People who are older than you, they may know more than you, but they are clueless. Everything we know is built on the decaying infrastructure of dozens of generations before us. And the longer things go on, the more there is to know and the fewer people there are who actually know it. The average person truly “knows,” like, maybe two or three things. Everything else? Weird-ass cultural hand-me-downs.
We are all sad, stupid, ignorant people. So treat your neighbor with respect, because he’s just as dumb as you.
My client is the manager of a nightclub.
Client: Can you do us a Facebook profile picture with XY and Z on it? And on the back can you list the drink promos?
Me: Um, there isn’t a back of a Facebook profile picture.
Yo Is This Racist? debates the merits of classical music
Beethoven is about as good a lyricist as Smash Mouth, evidently.
Haters wanna be me, Soulja Boy, I’m the man
Boys playing soldier (1779), Francisco Goya / Crank That, Soulja Boy
There's your answer for how long the Simpsons marathon will run; not sure if it's counting each episode as 20 or 30 minutes
Good to know for planning reasons, continued and updated.
Neilsen has handily revamped their lists.
It is seriously crazy how this “experimental treatment” was just ready to go for these two folks only.
Annie, take note
Want to play a game?? Okay, see if you can spot what these three things have in common:
• Having sex with someone for money
• Fighting a stranger
• Setting up boobytraps in public places
Give up? These are all things that you would go to jail for but are perfectly legal if you put it on camera. That’s right, between pornography, combat sports, and prank shows, we’ve proven that deliberately filming something makes it no longer a crime. It’s a winning formula, and I believe it’s commonly known that the enduring success of Jackass is finding ways to combine all three of those activities and getting it on camera.
Now that’s some hot knowledge right there. This means that we absolutely should strap a GoPro onto our heads, find the nearest 7-11, and start cramming our pockets with Snickers bars. “Don’t worry, mister clerk, it’s just a prank show! I was pranking you for my hilarious YouTube channel. Gotcha!” Be sure to say all of this while jamming Snickers bar after Snickers bar in your face.
So go out there and commit those crimes, and don’t forget to hit “record!”