Pets are weird. I once met a pet turtle whose owners described him as “a real asshole.” He was an unfriendly little murderer who offered nothing to be happy about. And that guy is projected to last another 40 years! That gives his owners two options: Let the next 40+ years of their life get stained by the ownership of a terrible turtle, or actively discard this one-time family member. At least when the same thing happens with people you probably didn’t have a choice in the matter.
That’s why the best pets are the ones that crap out after about 15 years. They last long enough to accompany you through maybe 2 or 3 significant lifetime milestones, which is a hell of a lot better than letting a little cruel monster define the majority of your time here on this earth. Sure, you might get sad if your loyal dog or favorite rat bites the big one, but it’s better than your pet outliving you and your children remembering you by inheriting your tiny spoiled asshole friend.
This is also why robot pets will never take off.
Today, Zack Snyder announced he had finally cast the role of Terrified Metropolis Citizen #3 for his upcoming film, Batman vs. Superman - and the actress portraying her is none other than Katherine Dorselburg. Naturally, the fan community is in an uproar over whether or not Ms. Dorselburg is right for the crucial role. Frankly, we here at Dorkly think she's an awful, awful choice, and here's why.
Macaulay Culkin has had his fair share of ups and downs (mostly downs) since his days of childhood stardom and the Home Alone films, so it’s good to see him hanging out with friends, happily eating too much pizza and channeling Lou Reed with his new band The Pizza Underground.
Culkin, who is joined by Phoebe Kreutz, Matt Colbourn, Deenah Vollmer and Austin Kilham, belts out tasty new renditions of old Velvet Underground tunes dripping with adoration for the pizza pie. Songs like I’m Beginning to Eat the Slice, All The Pizza Parties and I’m Waiting For The Delivery Man are sure to delight VU fans and make listeners hunger for a fresh slice.
“We wanted to make an object that could only be done through 3D printing.” I think that Toru Hasegawa of the New York City-based Proxy Design Studio overstates his case. It might be possible to make this kinetic sculpture by hand. But since it has one million distinct polygons in the design, it would take a long time.
The Mechaneu is a structure composed of 64 interlocking gears. Turn one and all the others turn in time. It’s an exploration of what Mr. Hasegawa sees as the natural evolution of geometry to solve design problems. I don’t agree with (or perhaps don’t understand) his argument, but I think that the sculpture is cool.
As we take several more steps into the future nobody saw coming, we bid adieu to the brave men and women, and horses, that delivered our mail to our boxes and handed over our packages with a smile.
The age of the drone delivery bot is here, and until proper drone hunting licenses are issued we’re going to have to get used to seeing those little buggers flying around our neighborhoods.
But what happens if you’re not home to receive your package when the Amazon bot comes a knockin’? Why, they’ll leave a slip, of course, much like the one pictured here, only without the hint of robotic revolution.
Via Nerd Approved
After Buzzfeed posted the photo, which went viral and garnered more than 70,000 views (at this time of posting), Brynen tweeted out:
Apparently the most popular thing I've done in 25 year teaching career is say "no" to an extension request. 5k "likes" and counting!— Rex Brynen (@RexBrynen) November 21, 2013
I think it's high time that we all sign our letters, "Yours in omnipotence." What class!
Burt Reynolds once asked in his 1977 classic Smokey and the Bandit, "What do you think they do for excitement in this town?"
The answer, my friends, is the Burt Reynolds Eclair.
That artful chocolate-glazed and creme-filled piece of heaven is created by UK's Lou Lou P's Delight for the month-long Movember celebration (and what better icon than the moustachio'd Reynolds?) And yes, ladies, you may remember the pose from Reynold's 1972 Cosmopolitan nude centerfold (on a bear skin rug, no less):
*That famous photo of Burt, by the way, gave rise to the Playgirl magazine. Douglas Lambert, the owner of the Playgirl Club, decided to launch the nudie mag Playgirl. after seeing the huge reaction to Burt's pose. Lamber said "It came to me, that's what women want. If a woman says she wants to see a man's smile, his eyes, I say 'Don't lie to me.'"
Perhaps you’re actually a character in the most boring tabletop role-playing game in the universe. Certainly the existence of a sadistic gamemaster would at least explain some of the events of your life. Well, that and a few unlucky saving rolls.
Too bad: it’s all real, as this comic from Fowl Language’s Brian Gordon explains. You’re a third-level character in a campaign module designed for seventh-level characters. You have a performance review later today and you’ve depleted most of your hit points.
Take heart. Carolyn Hiler put it very well three months ago: we’re all pretending to be functional adults.
(Photos: Sandro Vrbanus)
The Croatian metal shop MG Vrbanus put three artists to work modifying this 1970 Volkswagen Beetle. It took them 3,500 hours of work to put in 5,000 Swarovski crystals and hundreds of pounds of wrought iron and gold leaf.
The craftsmen began by sketching a design on the sheet metal body. Then they removed it, section by section, and replaced it with carefully planned designs inspired by metal fencing. The see-through body now exposes the machinery underneath. They executed their work with such precision that they could fit the original windows back into place without any trouble.
I don’t know if this car is street legal, but you can rent it for weddings. It would make a glorious exit vehicle for a happy couple.
Sandwiches are the bomb. This graphic from Doghouse Diaries outlines many of the reasons we love sandwiches. However, you can tell it was written by a guy, because they left out my favorite reason that sandwiches are the perfect food: it eliminates dishes to be washed. Take it from someone who's eaten thousands of sandwiches in the past 50 years, and made even more than that. -via Tastefully Offensive
(Photo: Steve Johnson)
Norway has, by American standards, somewhat eccentric preferences for television programming. Several months ago, it showed a 12-hour program of a fire burning in a fireplace. It has also shown an 8-hour train ride and a 134-hour recording of an Arctic cruise ship voyage.
Last Friday, the network NRK planned to show half a day of knitting. But it’s actually faster-paced that you might think. A crew planned to set a new world record for shearing a live sheep, carding the wool, turning it into thread and then knitting a sweater. It’s called the “sheep to sweater” or “back to back” challenge. The current record of 4 hours and 51 minutes is held by Merriwa Jumbucks of Australia.
Rune Moklebust, the director of the program, calls the approach “Slow TV.” Rachel Martin of National Public Radio (USA) interviewed him about it:
MARTIN: The knitting program is about to happen. Can you give us preview of that? What can we expect to see?
MOKLEBUST: The first four and a half hours will be talking about knitting in every aspect, or almost everything, because we can't fit everything in. Around midnight, we will turn the pace down, if possible. Start with a record attempt - Guinness world record attempt - of the process from sheep to jumper.
-via Marginal Revolution
In a fairly recent criminal case in Tennessee, an Assistant District Attorney General asked the judge to make the defense attorneys stop calling her "the Government," even though she actually represented the government, which was charged with prosecuting the defendant. That's the way trials work. The DA claimed that the term was derogatory and prejudicial. She suggested an alternative title of "General R______." The defense attorney, appropriately named Drew Justice, issued a response to the request. He opened with a free speech claim, but then it got better, as the defense came up with acceptable terms for their side. First, the defendant should be referred to by his full name.
Alternatively, he may be called simply "the Citizen Accused." This latter title sounds more respectable than the criminal "Defendant." The designation "That innocent man" would also be acceptable.
Moreover, defense counsel does not wish to be referred to as a "lawyer," or a "defense attorney." Those terms are substantially more prejudicial than probative. See Tenn. R. Evid. 403. Rather, counsel for the Citizen Accused should be referred to primarily as the "Defender of the Innocent." This title seems particularly appropriate, because every Citizen Accused is presumed innocent.
Alternatively, counsel would also accept the designation "Guardian of the Realm."
Further, the Citizen Accused humbly requests an appropriate military title for his own representative, to match that of the opposing counsel. Whenever addressed by name, the name "Captain Justice" will be appropriate. While less impressive than "General," still, the more humble term seems suitable. After all, the Captain represents only a Citizen Accused, whereas the General represents an entire State.
There's more to the response. Ya know, if the word "government" has become so derogatory as to prejudice a jury, maybe the government should do something about its reputation instead of hiding its role. Read the whole story at Lowering the Bar. -via Metafilter
The koala wasn’t always this vicious. But during ten years in the pen after that bank job gone wrong, he had to get nasty.
Now he can get regular knives. Probably a gun, if he wanted to—he’s got connections like that. But the koala says that he likes to do his work up close and personal. He says it’s the only time he feels truly alive inside.
It’s just one of many natural animal defense mechanisms illustrated by Jeff Wysaski of Pleated Jeans.
If you remember the amazing Daft Hands video we posted six years ago, you can see where this new one is going. The Cube Dude "dances" the lyrics to Daft Punk's "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" using a Rubik's cube! As in the earlier video, the skills this took become more evident as the song goes along. He swears there are no edits in the video, except for the "normal cube" intro he tagged on. -via Geeks Are Sexy
Brandon Todd is 5 feet 5 inches tall. He wanted badly to be able to dunk a basketball, which is hard enough for basketball players who are much taller. Todd wanted it so bad that he trained for three years, inspired by Russian power lifters, and gained 85 pounds of muscle. The inspiring story is told in this film from 522 Productions. -via Metafilter
Notice the tail-to-the-right action.(Credit: Amanda Kooser/CNET)
When humans see a dog wagging its tail, we pretty much equate that with a happy dog. It turns out that a dog's tail may be much more expressive than we realize. Research has shown that happy dogs tend to wag more to the right, while anxious dogs go more to the left. A new study published in the journal Current Biology delves into the question of whether other dogs read this response.
This asymmetry of wagging is traced back to left- and right-brain action. Researchers showed dogs videos of other dogs, or silhouettes of dogs wagging their tails, with a preference in one direction or another. The viewing dogs had their heart rates measured and were monitored for their responses.
When the dogs saw other dogs with ... [Read more]
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Gerald Tattoo Done at LDF Tattoo on King St, Newtown, Sydney. my second tattoo :)