Shared posts

25 Nov 13:30

DC Comics Doesn’t Want This Football Team To Use Their Town’s Centuries-Old Bat Logo

by ludditeandroid
Alisongrinter

Shared because the logos are awesome, but mostly for Christopher Walken

batman-dark-knight-joker-poster_Warner-cropped

Warner


DC Comics have protested a copyright claim at the European Union’s trademark office (OHIM), saying Spanish football team Valencia CF is infringing on their Batman copyright with their team logo. The objection was made when Valencia CF tried to copyright the most recent redesign of their team logo, which is very similar to the logos they’ve been using a very long time. How long is what makes this story particularly amusing.

Here’s a timeline of Valencia CF’s bat-themed logos. See if you notice anything…


The first logo, as you can see, is from 1919, the year the football club was founded. Batman made his first appearance 20 years later, in May of 1939 in Detective Comics #27.

But the legal objection gets even funnier from there. The bat motif has been used by the city of Valencia, Spain, on their coat of arms since 1503.


And the bat motif is just a wee bit popular around the city of Valencia.





OHIM hasn’t made their ruling yet, but we suspect they’ll figure out DC Comics wasn’t aware of how long the symbol’s been used in Valencia and respond with the appropriate amount of sarcasm.

ben-affleck-as-batman-internet-reactions-26-christopher-walken-yawn

Warner


Via Plaza Deportiva, Bleeding Cool, Dasoaz, Richard Alexander Caraballo, and Photocapy

25 Nov 13:45

’12 Inches A Slave’ Leads This Year’s AVN Clever Title Nominees

by Vince Mancini
Alisongrinter

The last four are classics, IMO

This year's AVN Awards host, Alexis Texas, posing with The Big Butt Book she modeled for, in 2010. Brett Ratner was there for some reason.

Getty Image

This year's AVN Awards host, Alexis Texas, posing with The Big Butt Book she modeled for, in 2010. Brett Ratner was there for some reason.


Traditionally, my favorite part of the AVN Awards – the Oscars of porn, as they like to call themselves, though the analogy breaks down pretty fast – is when they announce the nominees of the Clever Title Award. Having attended the ceremony in person last year… well, the announcement of the Clever Title nominees is still my favorite part.

Here’s this year’s crop:

1 in the Slit 1 in the Sh*t, TugZone/Black Market
12 Inches a Slave, Hot Mess/Evil
Dawn of the Planet of the Gapes, Hot Mess/Exile
DNA: Daughters Need Anal, Desperate Pleasures/Pure Play
Fishing for Pussy, Nacho Vidal/Evil Angel
I’m Not 50, I’m 5 Perfect 10’s, ATK/Kick Ass
The Little Spermaid, DreamZone/Vantage
My Black Stepdaddy Disciplined Me Now My Pussy Is Sore!, Lethal Hardcore/Pulse
Pregnant and Pounded, Desperate Pleasures/Pure Play
Romancing Her Rectum, Illicit Behavior/Black Market
Sexy, Horny and Homeless, Private/Pure Play
She Divorced Me So I F*cked Her Hot Slutty Attorney, Lethal Hardcore/Pulse
Trans Formers, Bizarre Video
Two Chicks at the Same Time, Man!, BurningAngel/Mile High
You Twerk It I’ll Jerk It, Devil’s Film

Some great ones in there, obviously, though My Black Stepdaddy Disciplined Me Now My Pussy Is Sore! kinda spoils the ending, imo. And if you look at the entire nominees page (which is roughly as long as the Dead Sea Scrolls, and arguably as sodomy-filled), there are a few non-nominated titles that seem like they got robbed. For instance, I was a big fan of Cumshot Weddings, There’s Only One Ryan Ryans, Monsters of Jizz 20: Fill My Mouth, and BBQ Titmasters, which are all real titles. Anyway, lots of movie parodies in this year’s crop, I expect next year’s to have at least one play on Big Hero 6. Though after 12 Inches A Slave, I can see how it’d be an anti-climax.

25 Nov 14:00

‘Dancing With The Stars’ Fans Were Pissed ABC Cut Away To Ferguson Coverage

by Josh Kurp
Alisongrinter

Murica.

dwts

ABC


Something important happened in America last night: some has-been won — or another once-was went home — on Dancing with the Stars. I’m not sure of the specifics, because, I, like most of the country, was busy watching something else, something a little more important than witnessing y-list celebrities (and Carlton) feebly shake it off. But don’t tell that to the average DWTS-er, who was PISSED that ABC had the gall to cut away from the Berg. You never cut away from the Berg!

It was just as YouTube vlogger Bethany Mota and her pro partner Derek Hough were in the middle of getting feedback about their freestyle dance. Judge Carrie Ann Inaba told Mota: “You are a fighter and what was so spectacular about that routine was…” when Stephanopoulos came on. (Via)

“Was…”? “Was…” what?!? Truly the most scandalous thing to happen yesterday.

WHY DOES ABC NEWS THINK ITS OKAY TO INTERUPT MY DWTS FINALE FOR SOME FERGUSON CASE IDEC ABOUT??????????????

— carly (@carlyevelyn_) November 25, 2014

Can ABC news just understand that when I'm watching DWTS I do not want to be interrupted by the decision in Ferguson?!

— Anna Knox (@annajbfana) November 25, 2014

Thanks ferguson case for interrupting dancing with the stars 💛

— K✨ (@_kenzzy) November 25, 2014

If the abc news could get off my tv while I'm trying to watch DWTS that'd be great.

— chloestewart. (@_chloestew) November 25, 2014

@typicallyzayn EXCUSE ME I DONT CARE WHAT THIS MAN SAYS I WANT DWTS BACK PLS AND THANK YOU

— Sophie (@sophie_breeze) November 25, 2014

I want to watch dwts not this ferguson stuff.

— alena (@alenaab_) November 25, 2014

I don't care if I am blowing up feeds or offending anyone I'm pissed! YOU. NEVER. EVER. CUT. MY. SHOWS! Do. Not. Do. That. #dwts

— Chandler Sauer (@PLLimAddicted) November 25, 2014

Meanwhile, an ABC affiliate tweeted the following:

abc tweet ferguson

TWITTER


May the words “Dancing with the Stars” and “Ferguson” never coexist again.

Via USA Today

14 Nov 17:35

Thirty-seven people with ties to white supremacist groups arrested for running North Texas meth-distribution ring

by Robert Wilonsky
Alisongrinter

Shared for nicknames. And Awesomeness

Thirty-seven people — most from Dallas and surrounding cities, all affiliated with various white supremacist groups — have been arrested on drug-trafficking conspiracy charges, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office.

The federal grand jury’s indictment, filed in October but unsealed today following the arrests, alleges that each defendant has been part of a meth-distribution operating from Tulsa to Mesquite. And, says the indictment, they’re all have ties to the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas, the Irish Mob (which, the feds say, operates out of Tulsa), the Aryan Circle or the Dirty White Boys, which takes its name from a prison softball team formed in Texas in the mid-1980s.

“Despite their differences, the ABT, Aryan Circle, Irish Mob, and Dirty White Boys often collaborate for purposes of drug distribution of other illegal ventures.”

In this instance, the feds allege, people nicknamed “Pacman,” “Taco Chris,” “Bam Bam,” “Phreek,” “Peppermint Patty,” “Charlie Brown” and 31 others teamed up between at least January 2013 to October 2014 to distribute meth in North Texas. Three other Dallas residents have also been arrested and charged in a separate federal complaint for having taken part in the same ring.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office says the ring was eventually broken up by the Department of Public Safety’s gang unit, U.S. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement Homeland Security Investigations and police departments in Dallas, Garland, Mesquite and Rockwall. If found guilty, each defendant in the drug-trafficking conspiracy could face up to life in prison and fines in the millions. … [visit site to read more]

14 Nov 16:46

DC Comics Introduces a New Male Star Sapphire With a Familiar Face

by Jill Pantozzi

Star_Sapphire_CorpsAnd this is where I kick myself for being 3-4 issues behind on my DC Comics books. Spoilers to come for Green Lantern Corps #36.

Here’s the official summary of the issue:

“Godhead” Part 8! Continued from GREEN LANTERN (2011) #36! With Hal Jordan missing, John Stewart must take control of the Green Lanterns and rally the Indigo Tribe, the Red Lanterns, and even the Sinestro Corps to work together. Continued in GREEN LANTERN: NEW GUARDIANS #36!

The question had been floating many times – could a male of any particular species be a Star Sapphire? One of the rainbow corps, the Star Sapphires’ modern history has them as wielders of love of the emotional spectrum. Their rings can create hard light constructs like the other corps but also have the ability to detect when love is actually in danger, creating a tether which drags them to the location. Star Sapphires are also know as one of the more extreme corps.

Longtime Green Lantern writer Geoff Johns went on the record in 2009 to say “anyone can join [the Star Sapphires], but most men are not worthy” but it looks like a new contender has entered the ring.

JohnStewartSapphireYup. John Stewart. And yes, he’s wearing far too many items of clothing for a Star Sapphire. Of course as you can see in our top picture, not all Sapphires wear gravity defying costumes but let’s face it, most of them do. Actually, most people figure male Sapphires should wear something like this (warning for BUTT).

Guy Gardener, Superman Prime, and Krona have technically wielded the Star Sapphire rings before but it looks like John is set to be the first one to actually carry it for any extended period of time. Writer Van Jensen and artist Bernard Chang spoke to IGN about the big change. Chang said of the costume:

There was actually a handful of different designs that I had submitted, some that were more based on his Green Lantern outfit but had some pink accents to it — even a hybrid of both — because he still had the Green Lantern ring on at the same time. There was even one where he was almost shirtless, because the Star Sapphires don’t have a lot of clothing on them. So I thought maybe John would be pseudo-shirtless and half-naked. But at the end we ended up going with this. It’s a little more. A lot of the lines are pretty jagged. I think that has something to do with the recent turmoil that he’d experienced. But the green energy is still very fluid on his exterior. So I think there’s a nice counterbalance, ultimately, with the final design that is uniform but exudes energy.

And Jensen had this to say about John’s love connection:

Love is an emotion that leads people in many different directions, but it can lead you to being very intensely passionate or intensely violent. It’s just a lot more sharp-edged.

So I think it really says a lot to where John has been as a character. It’s almost like these raw nerves that have been exposed, that he’s been struggling to deal with. So in a lot of way he has for a long time been cover up or hide his emotional side. This in many ways is him coming to grips with the fact that he can’t just be this taciturn dude. He has to embrace the emotional aspects of his character that are really present, going back to the origin of when he became a Green Lantern.

So, what do you think of John as a Star Sapphire?

(image and story via io9)

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05 Nov 09:20

Two Nations Under God

by Dan Shewan
Alisongrinter

It's all true.

The United States has two flags. One for when the Constitution is being observed. The other for when it isn't. Or so say thousands of Americans known as the sovereigns.
13 Nov 20:20

Bono Is ‘Extremely Lucky’ To Be Alive After The Back Of His Plane Fell Off Mid-Flight

by ryanuproxx
Alisongrinter

The Grim Reaper was like... Wait what? NO! Bono does NOT get to go out like The Big Bopper and Aaliyah! Not on my watch.

Web Summit Dublin - Day 3

Getty Image


U2 frontman Bono lost his luggage — and nearly his life — when his private jet suffered a mid-air incident that caused a door to be completely ripped off the plane.

Bono apparently “cheated death” after a mid-air accident saw the door completely torn away from the plane he was travelling in.

The U2 musician was making a two-hour trip from Dublin to Berlin on board a Learjet 60 D-CGEO with four friends heading to the Bambi International Music awards when the incident reportedly took place.

“He was extremely lucky, the plane could have gone down,” a source told the Irish Daily Mail. “About an hour into the journey they heard a big thud coming from the rear of the plane. They were startled for a bit but they continued on and made the descent into Berlin airport. When they landed they were horrified to learn that the compartment at the rear of the plane had completely detached.”

The door was gone, along with the luggage belonging to Bono and his four travel companions. The other members of U2 were not present, as they were traveling separately to the show.

10 Nov 19:10

Granbury man accused of impersonating Navy SEAL arrested after accepting assault rifle for his service

by Matt Peterson
Alisongrinter

...So?

#ohGranbury

A Granbury man accused of impersonating a Navy SEAL was arrested over the weekend in Parker County, after authorities there laid a trap for him.

Parker County sheriff’s investigators say Carlos Felipe Luna-Gonzalez was posing as a Navy officer on social media, posting pictures of himself in a Navy officer’s uniform while eating at a coffee shop. He also misrepresented himself to a group of Parker County law enforcement officers, the sheriff said.

“The entire situation is more than bothersome,” said Sheriff Larry Fowler, a Navy veteran himself. “This man stole a title which has been earned by many through bloodshed of their own.”

Gonzalez, 29, was taken into custody after an investigation by the Texas Rangers and the Weatherford-Parker County Special Crime Unit. The investigation revealed that he was in the Navy but received an early general discharge as an enlisted seaman apprentice — not an officer and certainly not a SEAL.

… [visit site to read more]

03 Nov 15:14

Survey says Dallas residents think the streets and schools here are ‘poor,’ but the shopping’s excellent! (Again.)

by Robert Wilonsky
Alisongrinter

Shared for you to send Mary and Ben

It’s the most wonderful time of the year — when the Dallas City Council gets to pore over the 2014 City of Dallas Community Survey Findings. Alas, this year’s survey looks more or less like last year’s, which said: People like living in Dallas, they like working in Dallas, they like raising their kids in Dallas, they just don’t like driving in Dallas or sending their kids to schools in Dallas.

We’ll take a longer look-see at the survey following Wednesday’s council briefing. But the whole thing’s below — and, look, if you’ve lived here longer than a week you know how this thing’s going to play out: The 1,523 people who had 20 minutes to fill out the seven-page survey can’t stand the Dallas Independent School District (39 percent of those survey ranked it as poor, despite probably not having kids in the DISD), they’re pretty sure the city does a lousy job of enforcing its code and maintaining its infrastructure (regarding the latter, that 39-percent poor ratings feels extraordinarily generous), but overall they’d rather work and live and raise their kids here than most other places because, well, our tap water tastes good? No, wait: It’s because of all the “shopping opportunities,” clearly.

“Residents generally have a positive perception of the City,” says the survey, as always conducted on the city’s dime by a Kansas-based market-research firm. Other so-called major findings: “While there are some differences for specific services, overall satisfaction with City services is about the same in most areas of the City.” And: “The City of Dallas is setting the standard for service delivery compared to other large cities.” Also: “The City continues to maintain high overall satisfaction ratings even though the results for most other large U.S. cities have decreased.”

Dig in. Then let’s see what the council has to say on the subject Wednesday. … [visit site to read more]

27 Oct 17:58

Dallas council committee says Live Nation’s $7 million Gexa Energy Pavilion makeover is music to their ears

by Robert Wilonsky
Alisongrinter

OK, last City Hall bullshit piece, but you had to see this - the ugliest pichure of Thom Yorke on record. I know it' ssaying a lot, but I defy you to find an uglier photo of this ugly ugly man.

(Erich Schlegel/Staff photographer)
Party at ground zero, or: What it looked like the moment Fishbone played the first Lollapalooza on August 22, 1991

Back in August city officials warned that it’s going to take about $7 million to redo The Concert Venue Formerly Known as Starplex. And there’s just one problem: The city can’t afford it — no way, no how. There’s no spare scratch in the general fund, and it’s highly unlikely that Gexa Energy Pavilion’s going to get all new seats, bathrooms and everything-elses out of a bond program any time in the foreseeable future (or ever). But parks officials had a novel way to pay for it: Live Nation Concerts, which operates the city-owned facility that holds 20,000 concertgoers, will foot the bill and then keep $500,000 in rent money every year until it recoups its sizable investment in someone else’s shed. Based on a new agreement going to the Dallas City Council next month, Live Nation’s lease expires at the end of 2028.

The Park Board’s already signed off on the proposal; the question this morning was, would the city council? So far, so good: The Quality of Life & Environment Committee hear-hear’d the proposal at its Monday meeting, agreeing to send it off to the full council for consideration November 12.

If all goes according to plan, per the briefing, the redo would begin by no later than December 1, 2016, and wrap by at least March 31, 2018. It goes without saying that the city hasn’t put a penny into the place since it opened in 1988.

But there were a couple of Big Questions to be asked and answered first, beginning with: When Live Nation cuts a rent-and-shared-revenue check to the city every year, where does that money go? And if the concert promoter is going to keep half a million a year until the $7 million is paid off, how will the city cover the difference?

Right now, Live Nation’s supposed to ship the city a minimum of $350,000 annually, but it’s far more than that. According to the briefing documents provided by Park and Recreation Department Director Willis Winters, seen below, in FY 2011-2012, Live Nation cut Dallas City Hall a check for $701,262; the next year it was a whopping $965,897. City officials told curious council members that dough goes straight into the general fund, save for the small percentage that lands in the South Dallas/Fair Park Trust Fund per a decades-old agreement cut by then-Dallas City Council member Diane Ragsdale. (The new deal calls for Live Nation to kick in 20 cents out of every ticket sold; right now it’s 15 cents.)

(William DeShazer/Staff photographer)
When Thom Yorke and Radiohead played Fair Park in 2008, the shed was known as the Superpages.com Center. Catchy.

A couple of council members were concerned about that disappearing revenue, among them Lee Kleinman and Sandy Greyson. Said the latter, the Gexa redo “sounds like a good deal [but] we’ll have to figure out how to replace that revenue.” At this morning’s meeting, there were no further suggestions.

Maybe that’s because Winters told the council it really has no choice but to allow the extreme makeover, as Gexa is the oldest shed among the 40 Live Nation operates across the country. And the longer it goes without a facelift, he said, the more likely it becomes that Dallas loses the shows that stop at Fair Park during the season.

“If you were to go out there during the day, you’d see the condition it’s in — and the urgent need for these improvements,” he said, noting that among other things, Live Nation needs to replace all 7,400-plus reserved seats … not to mention, well, everything else. “If we were to build this new today, it’d be hard to even give you a figure for it — but, likely, well over $50 million, if not more.” The $7 million, he said, is a bargain.

Winters also noted that this isn’t likely to be the last time the city revisits its deal with Live Nation. He noted the recommendations of the mayor’s Fair Park Task Force, which strongly pushes for a nonprofit to take over operations at Fair Park — including Gexa. Said Winters, “As part of this contract amendment all existing contracts, including that with Live Nation, will be reviewed by the city attorney’s office.” Should the task force’s recommendations “come to pass,” the deal with the concert promoter will be “assigned to a future governance board.” So keep an ear on that.

Council member Rick Callahan said he too was supportive of the makeover, at which point he pointed out another Fair Park venue in need of some TLC: the Band Shell, which he referred to as a “a wasted facility … that needs to be upgraded.” Could not have said it bett … oh, wait. … [visit site to read more]

05 Nov 20:36

In Preston Hollow, Mark Cuban’s growing property holdings have some neighbors worried

by Tom Benning
Alisongrinter

Shared for evil Mark Cuban face

Mark Cuban laughs at a news conference with Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle. (Vernon Bryant/Staff Photographer)

Dallas Mavericks owner … [visit site to read more]

18 Sep 22:09

Photo









13 Nov 17:05

As Ferguson Braces for Grand Jury Verdict, “Violence Will Not Be Tolerated” Meme Is a Reminder of How the Protest Started

The grand jury verdict on whether officer Darren Wilson will be indicted in the killing of unarmed teen Mike Brown in Ferguson, Missouri was supposed to come in October. Then early November. It’s still not here. And though observers and citizens alike have long expected that Wilson will be cleared of wrongdoing, that he will walk free and more protests will ensue, the expanding wait is jacking up tension in Missouri.


… Read More
13 Nov 19:30

Colin Powell Has a Hot Tub Room Decorated with Portraits of Himself

by Jia Tolentino
Alisongrinter

I also want a hot tub room full of Colin Powell portraits.

Colin Powell Has a Hot Tub Room Decorated with Portraits of Himself

Colin Powell is a true American hero.

Read more...








13 Nov 19:50

Step Aside Neil deGrasse Tyson, Jose Canseco Wants To Talk Astrophysics

by isaacand
Alisongrinter

DRUNK JOSE CANSECO!!

Athletics

Getty Image


Jose Canseco shared his thoughts on comets and interplanetary travel today on Twitter. Yes, the same Jose Canseco who shot his finger off while cleaning a loaded gun. Let thee who hasn’t shot a digit off cast the first rocket into space.

Comet Transport is the key to our survival .

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014

Galactic Beings have used comets as star taxis for eons

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014

Comets are faster than anything we could ever build and have their own power solving are two problems

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014

Opens up new business like galaxy touring cruising, asteroid mining, interstellar trade, and planet colonies

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014

If Earth can control the comet transport system we will run the Milkyway. Think about that

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014

hug for u NASA #cansecomet

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 13, 2014

Allow me to sum up those string of tweets with a word from my friend, Mr. Lawrence Taylor.

11 Nov 18:50

This New ‘Frozen’-Inspired Bra Might Be The Next Big Thing In Bra Technology

by jason Tabrys

Warning: The Video Is Slightly NSFW

When I think about all of the wonderous innovations that have been theorized but never seen in fashion it saddens me. While people long fo the hoverboards on display in Back to the Future Part II, I want to know where our self-drying coats are. One innovation that I never considered, though, is a bra that changes color when it touches (or is near) another bra. Luckily for all of us, Triumph, a Japanese lingerie company, clearly has a team of inventors that are streets ahead, and so now we have this amazing thing that seems to remind people of Disney’s recent hit film Frozen, because of ice princesses and the fact that it’s called the “Close Sister Bra”.

Japan has revealed its newest breast-supporting wonder — a bra that can change its color and pattern! The weird part? Well, it’s inspired by Disney’s hit movie Frozen… so it only changes design when it touches your sister’s bra.

Okay, admittedly, the bras change patterns when they come in contact with any bra with the same ability, thanks to the electronic paper it’s made of. It doesn’t have to be worn by your sister; it could be another female relative or a friend, or even a stranger. However it does mean you both have to be hanging around without shirts on, bumping your breasts into each other, in order to notice the wonders occurring on chest level.

If you think that your inhibitions are going to stop you from grazing another ladies bra with your bra, I’d advise you to ♫Let it Go♫… if I wanted to sound like an outright creep instead of a mere working stiff who simply wanted to get that “Let it Go” joke into this article.

But in all seriousness, is this something that the bra market has been clamoring for? Aren’t there better bra advancements that bra inventors should be focused on? An alarm system when the bra detects unwanted cleavage stares, perhaps?

See, not a creep.

Source: IO9

10 Nov 19:40

It Must Really Suck To Be Peyton Manning’s Backup

by isaacand
Alisongrinter

NEXT YEAR, Brock Osweiler.

Oh man, poor Brock Osweiler. Guy thought he was going to get some solid reps in the third quarter and NOPE, NO DEAL! His face here, the disappointment combined with the hands up in the air. Damn, I legitimately feel sorry for him.

brock

NFL


Seriously, 41-10 against a team that hasn’t won a game all season and you’re still not getting reps? OUCH!

10 Nov 19:50

Justin Bieber Got Nailed To The Tune Of $80 Grand For Egging His Neighbor’s House

by Stacey Ritzen
Alisongrinter

$80,000 for egging?!?
there is no justice for the biebs

New York Knicks v Cleveland Cavaliers

Getty Image


Justin Bieber has been ordered by a judge to pay $80,000 for the damages incurred in his famous egging incident last January. Sadly, he was only required to pay for his neighbor’s damages, and not the ridiculous amount of taxpayer money which was probably wasted in the lengthy ensuing investigation — but at least justice was for the most part served. According to TMZ, Bieber is also well on his way to completing his probation, and has completed four out of twelve anger management classes he is required to take, in addition to his five days of community service.

Here was my very favorite factual nugget from TMZ’s story, however:

It’s interesting … Bieber was at a bible studies class over the weekend, so maybe he really is mellowing out.

That is the most precious thing I have ever heard, and I can’t wait til he gets papped carrying around his little bible. Then again, admittedly we haven’t heard much on the old Bieber front lately other than him dressing up like an Amish person and throwing a football around in the Vatican. Learning why you shouldn’t play sports inside the Vatican is probably like, advanced bible studies.

10 Nov 20:30

A Series of Sexts

by Anna Fitzpatrick
by Anna Fitzpatrick

Hey
Hey babe
So booooored.
You know what would cheer me up?
Tell me.
Some pics of your duck.
Like, quack quack?
Hah.
Stupid autocorrect.
U know what I mean ;)
I do.
And I wanna come right over there.
And rip your panini off with my teeth.

Oh.
Panini.
Panini.
Panties.
Lol.
Actually a panini sounds good right now. There is this new cafe down the street that makes these really good ones with all fresh ingredients and like, this handmade pesto?
Babe, focus.
Oh right haha.
Well what will you do to me once you rip off my panini?
Panties?
Panini?
I'll get you down on your knees.
Grab your hair in my fists.
Oh yeah.
And have you sack my cook.
Oh god, my Connie Britton is dripping wet.
Yeah you like it rough, you dirty bridge.
I am the dirtiest bridge.
I want you to flip me over.
And slap my Aslan.

Like
The lion from Narnia?
Autocorrect.
You duckhead.
That's messed up, babe.
I think he's supposed to be, like, a Jesus figure.
And a lion.
You're killing the mood.
I just wanna make you comb.
Comb all over my tires.
Ok.
Oh yeah.
Oh duck.
I'm combing, baby.
I'M COMBING.
I'M GONNA COMB ALL OVER YOUR TIRES, KAREN.

who
in the everloving duck
is Karen

Oh man, baby
Autocorrect strikes again!!
haha
Karen like that bridge from your office?
No!
I meant to write
like
Karate
I was combing so intensely I wanted to do karate
You know
Karen chop the air.
go duck yourself you turducken monkey butler Faberge egg cellist.
come on
you know you're the only one i love, Karate
i mean Karen
i mean Jennifer
i mean

karate

Anna Fitzpatrick is a writer from Toronto. She is way prettier than karate.

0 Comments
10 Nov 20:37

You can now go back and edit your captions on Instagram.

by Andy Orin
Alisongrinter

pro tip!

You can now go back and edit your captions on Instagram. A small update today lets you correct any typos you might've made while posting your selfie. The Explore page is also redesigned with better discovery to find individuals to follow. Read more on the Instagram blog.

Read more...








10 Nov 20:50

Meet The Teacher Who Changed Her Facebook Status To ‘In A Relationship’ With Her Student Lover

by Stacey Ritzen
Alisongrinter

They're Facebook Official!!

EPPIE-SPRUNG-DAWSON

Facebook


A 29-year-old Dumfries, Scotland teacher, Eppie Sprung Dawson, was arrested for having sex with a student in 2012, as young-ish, attractive female teachers are apparently wont to do these days. At the time of her arrest, cops found Dawson and the student, Matthew Robinson — who was seventeen at the time — in a state of undress in her car after a school dance. Dawson was able to avoid jail time, but she lost her job at St Joseph’s College, separated from her husband, and was placed on a sex offender’s list for six months.

But none of that matters, because love! According to The Mirror, not only are the lovebirds back together, but they’ve gone public with their relationship on Facebook. And as everybody knows that’s the most serious step of a relationship that doesn’t involve three months salary.

The English teacher, who was 27 at the time, was convicted at Dumfries Sheriff Court of having sex with someone under 18 while in a position of trust and banned from teaching.

But the former teacher who now calls herself Eppie Sprung got 27 ‘likes’ on Facebook when she announced the relationship with the now 19-year-old on social media.

The teenager’s mother Sheree Robinson previously said Sprung had been given little more than a “slap on the wrist, not a punishment.”

I have a feeling holidays at the Robinson household are about to get much more awkward. Come on, Mrs. Robinson, twenty-seven entire people on Facebook deemed this budding romance acceptable, surely she can get used to the idea as well? Plus her name is literally “Mrs. Robinson” so I would think she would know a thing or two about falling in love with a younger man.

(Via BroBible)

10 Nov 21:18

Google Voice Gets Native MMS Support, Brings Verizon Into the Fold

by Eric Ravenscraft

Google Voice Gets Native MMS Support, Brings Verizon Into the Fold

MMS support has always been a sore spot for Google Voice, but it looks like the long journey is finally over. Today, Google announced that not only has Verizon joined the club, but MMS can now be sent natively.

Read more...








10 Nov 22:00

Horses Who Can't Even in Art

by Lili Loofbourow
Alisongrinter

Trigger Alert: Skeleton Dick

by Lili Loofbourow

Debris of an Automobile Giving Birth to a Blind Horse By Salvador Dali FULL

Debris of an Automobile Giving Birth to a Blind Horse By Salvador Dali PARTIAL horse

Eugene_Delacroix_-_Horse_Frightened_by_Lightning

Kim Gyu-Jin--A White Horse Running Past a Willow

Lascaux2

Leaf from Proverbes en rimes ca 1490

Martin Theodore Ward--Head of a Grey Arabian Horse

Merry-Go-Round--Norman Rockwell

Samuel H Owen--Head of a Horse

The Crucifixion of Christ by Hans Baldung Grien--FULL

The Crucifixion of Christ by Hans Baldung Grien--PARTIAL

Triumph of Death by Pieter Bruegel I FULL

Triumph of Death by Pieter Bruegel I PARTIAL 2--horse

Triumph of Death by Pieter Bruegel I PARTIAL--horse

William Blake--Jerusalem Plate 39--By Satans Watch-fiends

Lili Loofbourow is a writer splitting her time between Oakland and Austin. She tweets as @millicentsomer.

2 Comments
13 Sep 22:05

Publisher Accidentally Puts Porn Star on Math Textbook

by Robert Sorokanich on Gizmodo, shared by Isha Aran to Jezebel
Alisongrinter

Stock photo gaffes are the coolest!

Publisher Accidentally Puts Porn Star on Math Textbook

Lazy Googling strikes again! A Thai textbook publisher had to recall 3,000 copies of a math textbook after it was discovered that one of the photos on the book's cover came from a porn movie. Won't somebody please think of the children?

Read more...








13 Sep 23:17

Here’s A Glorious Yelp Review For Brooklyn’s Taco Santo

by isaacand
Taco Santo

Taco Santo


Last Sunday a man named Ross visited Taco Santo in Brooklyn, New York, a little Mexican place famous for, you guessed it, tacos. At some point during Ross’s meal, an ice cream truck made its way in front of the restaurant. That’s when this happened.

Yelp Review

Yelp


I don’t know what I’d do if a restaurant left me by myself. I’d like to think I’d act responsibly and not turn the kitchen into an all-you-eat-buffet, but let’s be honest, NOPE. That’s not true at all. I’d dive head first into that vat of bleu cheese and sport the world’s biggest boner.

What?! Like you wouldn’t.

Also, this is the best Yelp review that has ever been written. This is not up for debate.

[IMGUR]


Filed under: Media, Web Culture Tagged: TACOS, YELP, Yelp review
14 Sep 12:24

US Attorney in DC to create conviction integrity unit

by Gritsforbreakfast
It's always nice to see good ideas spreading. The US Attorney in Washington, D.C. is creating a conviction integrity unit modeled on Dallas DA Craig Watkins successes in Dallas and a similar unit in New York. Reported MyFoxDC (Sept. 11):
U.S. Attorney Ron Machen has decided to take a bold step in creating a unit that will investigate cases his prosecutors have already taken to court. Cases in which troubling questions may emerge post-conviction like the discovery of DNA, a bad witness or even a false confession.

Over the last four years, the U.S. Attorney's Office has investigated more than a hundred cases in which hair and fiber analysis played a role in convictions.

Five men had their cases thrown out when the evidence used against them turned out to be false. The latest being Kevin Martin, who served time for a murder he did not commit.

"Anytime that happens, it's a prosecutor's worst nightmare,” said Machen in an interview Thursday. “Our job, our mission is to punish the guilty, but protect the innocent, and if innocent individuals have been wrongly convicted, it's our job to do the right thing.”

So the District's top prosecutor has designed a unit that will be staffed with a veteran assistant U.S. attorney, who along with defense attorneys, will look at cases that have developed troubling questions after defendants have been found guilty.
08 Sep 23:00

Christmas Is Cancelled: Pumpkin Spice Condoms Are a Goddamn Hoax

by Mark Shrayber

Christmas Is Cancelled: Pumpkin Spice Condoms Are a Goddamn Hoax

First famine and war, and now this? Is nothing fair in this world?

Read more...








09 Sep 19:20

This Guy Had A Pretty Creative Way Of ‘Fixing’ His Crappy Tribal Tattoo

by Stacey Ritzen
Alisongrinter

Shared for font choice


Let he who does not have a bad tattoo cast the first stone, here. That person is not going to be me, because I totally have a dumb tattoo that I got when I was like twenty. No, I’m not telling you what it is. I’ve thought about trying to get it covered up or something over the years, but at this point I’ve pretty much just embraced the badness of it. So did this guy, who posted on Reddit, “I have an ugly tribal tattoo. But I think I fixed it.”


I am fully convinced that no one should be allowed to make decisions of any kind until they turn at least twenty-five. Preferably thirty.


Filed under: Web Culture Tagged: Bad Tattoos, REDDIT
09 Sep 13:44

2014 Man Booker Prize Shortlist Announced (And Includes Americans)

Alisongrinter

We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves - Shortlisted! How cool!

The shortlist for the Man Booker Prize, the UK’s most prestigious literary award, has been announced. This year, the… Read More

04 Sep 19:40

Here’s An Embarrassing GIF Of Every Starting Quarterback In The NFL

by isaacand
Alisongrinter

For posterity

quarterback gifs

Andy Isaac


What better way to kick off the NFL season than embarrassing GIFs of your starting quarterback.

Matthew Stafford

Matthew Stafford

FOX



 

Peyton Manning


 

Josh McCown (via GIFdsports)


 

Tom Brady

Tom Brady

CBS



 

Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck

NBC



 

Eli Manning

Eli Manning

NBC



 

Chad Henne

Chad Henne

NFL Redzone



 

E.J. Manuel (via SBNation)

E.J. Manuel

NFL/SBNation



Filed under: Media Tagged: gifs, NFL, NFL GIFs, Quarterback GIFs