Shared posts

13 Aug 13:00

How Superman Actually Keeps His Identity Secret

Alecbugg

I don't even know if this is funny but i laughed a lot

undefined

13 Aug 05:00

Spirit of Zaphod

Alecbugg

What?
0/0

Deep thought.

Whole sort of general mish mash.

“Dude, what happened last night?”

“I don’t know, man. I can’t remember anything after the third PGGB.”

“Didn’t that guy tell us you aren’t supposed to have more than two?”

“Psh. Please. He was a total dweeb. Did you see how he was dressed?”

“Yeah, that was weird. Hey, did he have a second head?”

“I’m still unclear on that, myself.”

“Say, who were those other two guys? One of ‘em said he was a reporter or something? He kept talking about the merits of towels.”

“Gah, I can’t remember. Something about a car. At least he had a personality. That other fella was pretty pathetic. Didn’t even drink any PGGBs. Just tea.”

“Hey, dude, while we're talking, let me ask you something: Do you ever feel like every original idea has already been hatched by the single mind of a genius, and that anything we have to add to the topic couldn’t possibly touch the pioneering and archetypal notions said genius shared with the universe before expiring way too early?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. Just a lot of bathtime gurgles.”

12 Aug 05:00

Fett Lucky

Alecbugg

Nope, no, no no no, no way, bad, just no, not at all, wrong, just bad, no, no, can't, don't even wanna, wrong just no not at all

Harder, Fetter, Faster, Shirter.

Han after all.

Like the legend of the Phoenix

All trends help our earnings

What keeps ShirtWoot from hurting

The force from our beginning

 

We’ve gone too far

But you know who we are

These shirts buy us fast cars

And at least it’s not Jar Jar.

 

Come on and buy at least one

Nerd shirts can never be done

We know you like a good pun

We hope you’ll all buy Fett Lucky

 

Pop culture has no ending

That gift keeps on giving

Per se, it's not stealing

If you want to leave - wait, don't actually do that, please.

 

Come on and buy at least one

Nerd shirts can never be done

We know you like a good pun

We hope you’ll all buy Fett Lucky

 

Come on and buy at least one

Nerd shirts can never be done

We know you like a good pun

We hope you’ll all buy Fett Lucky

 

Come on and buy at least one

Nerd shirts can never be done

We know you like a good pun

We hope you’ll all buy Fett Lucky

(times a billion)

(imminent shower of money)

05 Aug 16:00

Dude, Push For Pizza

by Ellis Hamburger
Alecbugg

The future!

It's 3:00AM. You're hungry. Your buds are hungry. The Cool Ranch Doritos bag is long past empty. "Oh my God, there's an app for this," says your bro Scott. He pulls out his iPhone and taps a red icon labeled PushForPizza. Moments later Scott lets out a primal scream as he stretches out on the couch and slips his phone back into his pocket. "What just happened?" you think.

One minute passes. Five minutes pass. Ten minutes pass. The water is dripping from the kitchen faucet like drop.... drop. It could be an eternity until... Knock knock. A steaming hot pizza's here. Is this a miracle? No, this is real life. This is Push For Pizza, the one-tap pizza-ordering app. It remembers your credit card and lets you pick your favorite pizza place so...

Continue reading…

08 Aug 13:03

Great Job, Internet!: Let A Better Queue help you navigate Netflix’s library with ease

by William Hughes
Alecbugg

Definitely needed

Netflix Instant’s large library of films is a great way to kill an afternoon or 300, but the interface has never been its strongest part. Though you can filter by genre and whether something fits the system’s nebulous definition of a “new release,” for the most part you’re left to wander the stacks on your own, lost in a forest of obscure films. That can be fun sometimes, but often you just want to find something goodor at least critically well-regardedwithout wasting an hour clicking through menus.

Enter “A Better Queue,” a new API released in May by Dave Jachimiak, which allows you to filter the Netflix Instant library by genre, year of release, critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and number of reviews. Once you’ve found a movie you like, one click will take you to its entry on Netflix, and you’re ready ...

08 Aug 13:00

Man Buys 23 Burger King Pies to Spite Screaming Child

Alecbugg

Awesome

Man Buys 23 Burger King Pies to Spite Screaming Child
Apparently, after waiting in line in front of a careless mother and her screaming small child, a man who was having a bad day (and had a headache) decided to ruin that family's day: The child was screaming "I want f**king pie!" so the man bought up every last pie — all 23 of them — and walked out of the Burger King location, turning only to see the enraged mother and child, helpless as the cashier told them that the restaurant had just sold out of pie.

Now if this doesn't warm your heart, I don't know what will.

Submitted by: (via Eater)

Tagged: news , spite , jerks , funny , children
11 Aug 03:02

Taney advances to Little League World Series!!

by David S. Cohen
Alecbugg

Awesome story

Taney dominated Newark, Delaware today, 8-0. Mo'ne Davis pitched like the ace she is. It was amazing.

This wasn't supposed to happen, on so many levels.

A team from Philadelphia that was playing in the official Little League tournament for the first time wasn't supposed to become state champs against veteran powerhouses from other parts of the state.

A big city team wasn't supposed to dominate against mostly well-funded and well-oiled suburban machines in the regional tournament.

A 12 year old girl wasn't supposed to look like the second coming of Roy Halladay (or, her favorite player, Clayton Kershaw) in the finals against a team that was in the World Series last year.

And baseball fans from Philadelphia weren't supposed to be going to bars and house parties on a Sunday night in August to watch 12 year olds they don't know play baseball.

But all of these things happened, and it was beyond glorious.  Philadelphia has a baseball team this summer that it can be proud of.  And the nation has a baseball hero they can root for with unadulterated joy.

The team is the Taney Dragons and the hero is Mo'ne Davis.  Tonight, the Dragons destroyed the Newark National, and Mo'ne Davis was most of the reason why.

In the final game of the regional championship, she was as unflappable as Cliff Lee on the mound.  She came out firing, throwing her 70mph fastball (from 46 feet, the equivalent of a 95pmh major league fastball) and her knee-buckling curveball for strikes.  The Newark hitters were helpless against her.

Imagine yourself in her shoes.  She was on national television.  She was starting the regional championship game.  She was the only girl left in the tournament in the entire country.  She was facing the regional champs from last year.  And she did nothing but shut them out on three hits, three walks, and six strikeouts.  Really, only one of the hits was a hard one - a double down the third base line.  The others were a bloop single between the infield and outfield and a grounder that just went over her head and into center field.  Otherwise, she was as dominant as anyone could have wished for in such a high stakes game.  It was amazing to watch.

She had help, of course.  The defense behind her was impeccable.  Jared Sprague-Lott fielded shortstop with the flair and ease of a seasoned professional.  He had a gun to first base that he showed off many times.  (He also had 3 RBIs at the plate - not a bad day!)  There were also some nice outfield grabs and a game-ending 4-6-3 double-play (by 12 year olds!) that had the runner by several steps.

On offense, Taney didn't have a dramatic home run like they did in some other games, but they won with key hits, both bunts and long drives, and excellent base running.  They were aggressive on the base paths throughout the game, taking the extra base whenever they could.

Newark had no answer to this all around dominance -- pitching, hitting, running, and fielding.  Taney, again for emphasis, against last year's regional champs, made it look easy.

It's amazing to write, but this team from Philadelphia, this little league that my sons play in, this organization that entrusted its biggest game to the only girl in the country still playing little league baseball this year, this group of incredible kids who have become the city's heroes, is going to the Little League World Series in Williamsport.

More on what comes next later in the week (first game is Friday at 3pm against Tennessee), but for now, enjoy the victory and the regional championship.

And to Mo'ne Davis and Jared Sprague-Lott and Zion Spearman and all the other Dragons, it's been a pleasure watching and following you.  Keep up the amazing work.  You have a city of baseball fans pulling for you!

***************

Courtesy of my friend Josh Sevin, who was there today, here are a few pictures from today's game:

1939851_10152600476754437_5035332403526046608_n_medium

10551017_10152600476789437_6636604026505600831_n_medium

10526006_10152600476699437_1104857964205688751_n_medium

10577186_10152600397834437_3882658782838739652_n_medium
11 Aug 05:00

Death By Kitty

Alecbugg

Death by Kitty. People like cats, clever concept, unwearable. 45%, 1%

Only a matter of time.

Claw and Order: SVMew

DETECTIVE PURELLE PATS: Toxicology reports have come in on all of the victims.

DETECTIVE HINK POPTHROB: Anything?

PATS: Doesn’t look like it.

POPTHROB: (Exasperated sigh.) What is happening to this town, Purelle?

PATS: I don’t know, Hink. I don’t know.

POPTHROB: We’ve got six victims, six backgrounds, six different CODs … what is the common thread, here?

CAPTAIN LOG BLOODLUST: I DON’T CARE. JUST FIND IT.

POPTHROB: Why don’t you just come out and say what this is really about, Captain? You don’t think I can do this job.

BLOODLUST: I DON’T PAY YOU TO DANCE. WE’VE GOT A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND ON THE LOOSE AND NO ANSWERS. GUUUH. Shoves a bunch of stuff off nearby desk in frustration.

PATS: Is this about us?

BLOODLUST: IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT US, PURELLE.

OFFICER CRAM CHIPPY: What’s a toxicology report?

PATS: You’re drunk again!

BLOODLUST: No, no. It’s just my allergy medication. My sister’s cat is staying with us and he’s killing me -

POPTHROB: (Slaps sandwich out of Bloodlust's hand.) Hold on. Say that again.

BLOODLUST: That cat is killing -

Everyone gasps the gasp of epiphany.

TO BE CONTINUED?

09 Aug 05:00

Make it Sew

Alecbugg

Alright, Jared. What'dya think

The Next Stitcheration

2nd Place in Derby #367: Needlework, with 215 votes!

RIKUR: So anyway, I'm doing a half cross stitch and Worf is across the table trying to tell me that the continental stitch is a superior tent stitch, and I'm like "Klingon, please. There's no 'superior' tent stitch, it depends on the design."

WEZLEY: Wait, you said that to his face?

RIKUR: Damn right I did. 

WEZLEY: And he didn't bring up the whole slip-pass-stitch thing from Tagus III?

RIKUR: Of course he did, but he and I both know that I was right and the Taguans still cherish the Sunset Over Tagus needlepoint I did.

PICKARD enters

PICKARD: No. 1, Mr. Crusher.

RIKUR: Care to get in on this, Captain? We're making a pouch for Geordi's visor.

PICKARD: I'd love to, but I don't want to school both of you into French knots.

WEZLEY: Oh damn.

RIKUR: Don't make me drizzle stitch you into a Ferengi tapestry.

Red alert sounds, they all head to the bridge

DATTA: Captain, sensors are picking up a rift in the space-time continuum.

PICKARD: Our sensors can pick that up?

RIKUR: What is that?

Viewer shows a wormhole in a knot

DATTA: It appears to be a herringbone stitch.

PICKARD: Shields up, set phasers on Kensington outline.

TO BE CONTINUED...

...OR, Y'KNOW, MAYBE KNOT

08 Aug 05:00

Pins And Needles

Alecbugg

I'm laughing A Lot.
Concept: 80% Wearability: 55%

Gone soft

1st Place in Derby #367: Needlework, with 237 votes!

Tracy, this thing we’ve got … it means a lot to me.

...

And, uh, I just think you need to know how I feel.

...

You’re beautiful, Tracy. You’re … well, you’re perfect.

...

But I just can’t stand the aloofness, Tracy. When are you going to let me in?

...

Ugh, see? It’s this. This is what I’m talking about. It’s like you refuse to engage with me. I’m putting it all out there for you, Tracy. I’ve been hurt and hurt and hurt again, and I just … I feel like you can’t even hear me sometimes.

...

Tracy, if you don’t feel the same way, at least say so.

...

I see. No, I mean, that’s fine. Your silence says it all.

...

So, I guess I’ll go. We could’ve had something, Tracy. It's fine if you don't want that. But I’ll tell you something: I'll never forget our one wonderful night of passion.

08 Aug 15:11

Roy Halladay Goes to the Zoo with Zoo With Roy

by Kyle Scott
Alecbugg

Dude, this is awesome. What a great guy.

Voila_Capture 2014-08-08_11-06-28_AMVoila_Capture 2014-08-08_11-08-30_AM Voila_Capture 2014-08-08_11-07-57_AM Voila_Capture 2014-08-08_11-07-47_AM

Four and a half years later, a dream comes true. ZWR explains how it all came about (set up by Phillies PR– best thing they’ve done in a while).

07 Aug 20:21

The Only Human

by Jonco

The onlyy human

Thanks sg

 

07 Aug 05:00

Bach Ness Monster

Alecbugg

I mean, it's clever...ish as far as puns go. I dunno, 25% shirt 1% wear

Sorry in advance.

We suffer for our Mozart.

What next?!

Schubacabra

Globstravinsky

Spring-Heeled Dvorak

Antonio Saliyeti

Jan Kraken Åberg

Claude Succubussy

Henry Unicowell

Snallygaspare Spontini

Franz Krommermaid

Franz Lisztard Man of Lee County

Arthur Bigfoote

06 Aug 21:58

Spelling Error

by Jonco

My girlfriend looks like Rihanna

Thanks Mike (from Spain)

 

07 Aug 15:16

If he’s happy with a ball…

by Jonco

… it doesn’t mean he’ll be happy with lots of balls.

Lots of balls

Thanks Mike (from Spain)

 

07 Aug 14:30

Clear your schedule: A fish is playing Pokémon

by Justin McElroy
Alecbugg

How far will this go

The world was once enraptured by Twitch Plays Pokémon, a grand experiment in which thousands of humans fused into a horrific biomass of fingers and brains, a hulking monstrosity capable only of attaining badges, catching 'em all and horrifying onlookers as it rolled through unsuspecting towns.

If you're looking for a far less frantic version of that experiment, welcome to Fish Plays Pokémon, in which Grayson Hopper, a fish, plays ... Pokémon for your Twitch viewing pleasure. Portions of Grayson's tank have been assigned to different button inputs and as the little guy swims he ... well, for the last hour that we've been watching he's been alternately staring at a table and trying to activate the table. But, his owners say that in the...

Continue reading…

06 Aug 05:00

Life Finds A Way

Alecbugg

Jurassic Park Reference! 65%
Actually wear it! 3%

Well, this could be a problem.

T-Rexcellent

“So, you’re the scrappy cub reporter tasked with the responsibility of writing that feature piece about my seemingly banal science research in your newspaper or possibly magazine, eh?”

“Er … yes, Dr. Cruelpepper. I suppose that’s me. I'm just here to talk about your experimentation with bacteria and I'm sure that's all we can anticipate discussing today. I want to give readers a sense of your vision for SWEET MOTHER WHAT IS THAT?”

“Oh, this is Frank.”

Mew.

“Dr. Cruelpepper, this a … he’s a …”

“Frank is a unique specimen, I grant you.”

Mew?

“Why would you think to even introduce this quasi-mechanical prehistoric beast to our world‽ We … it’s ..."

“Aw, I had to create Frank. Who else would keep Gwendolyn company?”

“Who is Gw- HOLY JAMBALAYA. IT’S A PANDA BEAR WITH CHAINSAWS FOR ARMS.”

Snort. Snuffle.

“Oh, sorry. Gwendolyn likes to sniff.”

“Dr. Cruelpepper, you’re out here creating these beastly abominations … just ... why? Tell me why.”

“Same reason I made Frank meow. Life finds a way, my friend, but without whimsy, it’s pretty freakin’ dull.”

06 Aug 12:45

Chris Pratt's High School Yearbook Photos Are Simply the Best

by Jenni Miller
Alecbugg

Watch him rap Eminem. It's awesome

Chris Pratt is crushing Hollywood with his giant new muscles, but his yearbook photos are as adorable as his "Parks and Rec" character Andy Dwyer. A Redditor who went to high school with Pratt posted pics from their yearbook, and they are the sorts of goofy photos that made us fall for him back when he was just pretending to be Bert Macklin. You can check out the whole Reddit thread here.

Seriously, look at the senior photo above. You just wanna take him home to mom, right?

Here he is getting fake-punched in the face by a fellow class clown (and let's all bow down to her '90s style, because come on, that rocks).



Check out these sweet wrestling moves.



And now the equally hilarious Anna Faris is eating a giant bowl of tater tots with him.

so proud of my amazing husband @prattprattpratt and the cast and crew of #guardiansofthegalaxy. Celebrating with big bowl of tater tots.

- Anna Faris (@AnnaKFaris) August 4, 2014
Chris Pratt is probably French braiding Anna's hair right now.



Or maybe he's rapping for her.



Think about it -- he's definitely the one that got away.

[via Vulture]

05 Aug 17:55

Newswire: Disney is making an A Wrinkle In Time movie with the Frozen director

by Caitlin PenzeyMoog
Alecbugg

One of my absolute favorite books. The odd part, re-reading it a few years ago, it has TONS of religious allegory

Frozen writer and co-director Jennifer Lee is slated to adapt Madeleine L’Engle’s children’s book A Wrinkle In Time for the big screen, according to Variety. The first and most well-known of L’Engle’s series about the Murry family, A Wrinkle In Time tells the story of Meg Murry’s cosmic journey to save her scientist father. Lee says the novel was one of her favorites as a child and that she plans to emphasize its strong female lead in her script. A Wrinkle In Time certainly seems primed for a Disney franchise: L’Engle’s Time Quartet includes three more novels about the Murry family, and there’s another book beyond that based on the next generation of the Murrys.

While no director has been announced for the project, Jim Whitaker and Catherine Hand will produce. Lee co-wrote Wreck-It Ralph and won 2013’s best animated ...

29 Jun 21:00

Finland Knows How to Party

Alecbugg

Awesome

05 Aug 05:01

The Invasion Readiness Shirt

Alecbugg

Welcome back! Embrace the inner Homer Simpson by voting for Kodos and proudly displaying your innate servitude to whatever our new overlords may be! 7%

Welcome!

So you’re going to be conquered.

Congratulations!

As you welcome your merciless new ruler, be sure to keep a few things in mind:

Did you get the cake? Every despot loves cake.

Make sure your new overlord has a ride home from the airport. Don’t be afraid to splurge a little. Go for the sedan!

Don’t be desperate. There’s a difference between subservience and desperation. It’s a fine line that any good sycophant should understand.

Paper plates! Otherwise you’ll have to eat the cake by hand.

Overlording is hard work! Your new ruler has a busy and stressful job. Offer the occasional massage or human sacrifice. It’s a thoughtful touch that’ll go a long way!

Incorporate tokens from home. It’s likely that your lifelong new commander will feel homesick from time to time. Add a few touches of their past throughout the home and office to help him/her/it/them/glorb feel completely at ease. Souvenirs like postcards, mugs, and bloodied femur bones will give the new master a real sense of belonging. :)

Enjoy your new overseer!

01 Aug 15:45

Things You Won't Learn in History Class

04 Aug 05:01

Galactic Chant

Alecbugg

Ok. Shirt woot is back. Obviously, this is gonna be tricky since the picture is tiny as hell and gives you no real idea of what the shirt is. So a click thru may be necessary. That said, what a great start! Guardians of the Galaxy awesomeness! The rules: a percentage indicating how likely you are to purchase said woot shirt. And if you do purchase, let us know in the comments. We're back!

Warlock Plz

At last, some superheroes that you'd actually want to hang out with!

We can't sell this t-shirt
That we show to thee
It’s not number one but
It deserves to be

It’s that tune that
You already might
Recognize from
Your last movie night

Buyyy uy-uy uy-uy
Is what we’re pleading
Then you’ll be receiving
This lovely reference teeeee

Comic films been too dark
It’s time for levity
There’s a place for humor
Unless you’re DC

We’ll all get past Fox Four
Like we got past Ang Lee
Soon we’ll be together
In Infinity

Solid Snake can
Whine about J’onn J’onzz
It don’t matter
We’ll keep movin’ on

Buyyy uy-uy uy-uy
Is what we’re pleading
Then you’ll be receiving
This lovely reference teeeee

“Realism”
Gives us crap Act Threes
The big money’s
In raccoons and trees

Buyyy uy-uy uy-uy
Is what we’re pleading
The change we are needing
Can come from you and meeee

We really are pleading
Because income’s the reason
Better movies we’ll seeee

We said we really are pleading
Because we’re believing
In stuff we want to seeee

13 Jul 14:00

Better Than Exterminating

24 Jul 15:30

Texting and Driving: Not Even Once

Texting and Driving: Not Even Once

Submitted by: (via FartQuotes)

28 Jul 11:32

Always had a thing for black women

by Jonco

always had a thing for black women

 

Thanks Tommy Salami

27 Jul 16:00

This Got Weird

25 Jul 16:00

With Customer Service Like This, of COURSE People Want to Jump on the Fiber Bandwagon

Alecbugg

Mass Liberation from Comcastia

25 Jul 15:00

Restaurant Research Shows That the Customer Isn't Always Right

Alecbugg

It's exactly the reason you think it is but it's still pretty interesting that there are all these little side effects that you'd never think about

25 Jul 17:15

The Tree That Grows 40 Different Fruit

The Tree That Grows 40 Different Fruit
In an ongoing series on hybridizing fruit trees, Syracuse University sculptor Sam Van Aken's Tree of 40 Fruit is true to its name. Most of the year, it looks pretty ordinary, but in the spring, the tree blossoms display various tones of pink, crimson, and white. Then, from July through October, it bears 40 different types of stone fruit, including almonds, apricots, cherries, nectarines, peaches, and plums.

The feat is accomplished by grafting together several different varieties, including native fruit, heirlooms, and antiques, some of which are centuries-old, Aken tells Epicurious.

Submitted by: (via IFL Science)