Shared posts

21 Nov 11:35

B_and_W says FML

by B_and_W

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

20 Nov 18:25

clodius says FML

by Anonymous

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

20 Nov 16:27

Anonymous says FML

by Anonymous

Today, I woke up and screamed: My older sister had placed a Furby right by my face while I was asleep. This is a common occurrence. FML

26 Oct 19:48

fuckyouverymuch says FML

by fuckyouverymuch

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

15 Oct 23:00

Bowel Blessings

by admin

11 Oct 01:26

I’m detecting a foul odor coming from your general direction.

by Kerry

Basic hygiene: Sadly, one of those things that some people make it to college without learning…until they end up with a bio major for a roommate.

I'm detecting foul body odor coming from your bed sheets and closet. Due to the humidity, age, and overall neglect of the Howell building, there are a lot of bacteria and they function at a significantly higher rate than in most other structures. The bacteria feed on human excretions and other easy food sources. These are but are not limited to sebaceous and apocrine gland secretions, actual food, fecal residues from farting, etc. As you may or may not be aware of, the bacteria that metabolizing these substances are odor causing. Since we are paying in excess of $2000.00 for these rooms per semester, cooperation to ensure a livable room and satisfactory cohabitation is a very high priority. I pay out-of-pocket by myself, so I'm resentful that the room almost always falls short in cleanliness in appearance or odor. This smell is not from room humidity, end of story. To remedy this problem, take the following steps...

related: This room is protected by the Constitution!

16 Sep 06:32

The Big Brother’s Guide to Little Sisters

by Kerry

When she was growing up, Jennifer in New York says she always wanted a big brother. “Now that I have three children of my own,” she writes, “I thought I could live vicariously through my daughter, the middle child.” However, finding this “to-do list” on top of her eldest son’s homework has made her consider that vision. (God help this kid’s future crushes!)

Friday: spy Saturday: scare her Sunday: run away Monday: hide trains Tuesday: sneak and pinch her butt Wednesday: copy her Thursday: go see her when going to bathroom Friday: steal her backpack Saturday: baby talk Sunday: sneak under the piano when she is practicing Monday: talk about funny things about her on facebook Tuesday: hide library books (if she has some)

related: No girls allowed!

 

09 Oct 23:15

Ellie says FML

by Ellie

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

15 Sep 06:05

Madster15 says FML

by CrazyCatLady

Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML

25 Sep 21:30

Textbook Case

by admin
Jesmy13

HA

12 Sep 21:00

When Miley does it….

by admin

09 Sep 16:00

The Real Question

by admin

14 Sep 11:32

(717): "YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE...

(717): "YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple .
13 Sep 13:32

(314): You wrote me a check. For...

Jesmy13

I want to do this for christmas gifts for a few people...

(314): You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
09 Sep 14:30

SMFH…

by admin

04 Sep 19:00

Midnight Mischief

by admin

22 Aug 14:30

Seriously People???

by admin

21 Aug 14:30

I’m Still Horrified

by admin
Jesmy13

Amazing

30 Jul 23:00

The Point

by admin
Jesmy13

Bazinga!

30 Jul 14:28

The Importance of Commas

by admin

05 Sep 15:12

(239): We call her skankles...

Jesmy13

Win

(239): We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious.
05 Sep 10:42

(214): L'Shannah Tovah! (832):...

(214): L'Shannah Tovah!
(832): Whats that? My new stripper name?
30 Aug 15:02

(205): You can't have your...

(205): You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too.
23 Jul 05:17

amanda says FML

by amanda
Jesmy13

I get them from ANYTHING that raises my heartrate. Walk the dog: migraine. Go down a flight of stairs: migraine. Sex: OMG migraine. Ugh.

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

26 Jul 03:15

Anonymous says FML

by Anonymous

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year old doctor. FML

29 Aug 10:55

IronSkye says FML

by IronSkye

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

27 Jul 05:02

ttREZZ says FML

by Anonymous

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

15 Aug 13:32

seizure_girl says FML

by seizuregirl

Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML

16 Aug 04:24

Anonymous says FML

by Anonymous

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

01 Aug 12:13

Summer Reading

by noreply@blogger.com (Alex Baugh)
My friend Angela over at AJ Arndt Books Blog a Young Adult Summer Reading Flowchart that was too good not to repost.  After all, the dog days of summer are just ahead and what would be nicer that curling up with a good book or two before school begins?  Here is a chart that has something for everyone, depending on what you are in the mood for.  So, take a look and maybe, find a good book.

The Young Adult Summer Reading Flowchart
Brought to you by Teach.com